The Warbler Drabbles
by SquirrelzAttack
Summary: Missing moments and an inside look on what shenanigans the Warblers get up to when the camera isn't on. Crack/humor/fluff.
1. Just Dance

**_Hi everyone! This is my first attempt at writing a FanFiction, so any and all comments/criticisms are welcome! Basically, this is going to be a bunch of oneshots about the Warblers all lumped into one story. It'll be sort of like the iPod Shuffle challenge, in the way that each chapter will be based off of a song, except I'll pick the songs instead of my iPod picking them for me. So, read, enjoy, and review! :)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. *sniffle* :'(_**

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><p><em>Just Dance<em>

_We'll be okay_

_Da da, doo doo doo_

_Just dance_

_Spin that record, baby_

Wes had been trying to figure out where that blasted Lady Gaga music had been coming from for the better part of an hour. Admittedly, he hadn't been searching very hard at first, but now the endless Gaga tunes were seriously getting under his skin.

It had been a pretty cool surprise when uptight, awkward Thad had invited the Warblers to go on a skiing trip over spring break. The slopes in Canada were crazy good this time of year, for both skiing and snowboarding. Okay, so normally Wes didn't participate in winter sports. _Maybe_ seeing David epicly fail at both skiing _and_ snowboarding was just an awesome bonus. It wasn't like that was the only reason he agreed to come along.

Since Thad's family owned a vacation 'home' (read: mansion) in the British Columbia area, they all got to crash there for free. On the downside, said mansion had thirty foot tall ceilings, so sound traveled extremely well. That would've been helpful if they planned on busting out an impromptu performance in the living room. In this case, the extra sound made it so Wes ended up getting hopelessly lost. Multiple times.

Rounding yet another corner on the ground floor, Wes cursed under his breath. He just couldn't seem to find where that annoying music was resonating from. He had been suspicious at first that Jeff was revisiting his Lady Gaga fetish, but the blonde teen had been raiding the kitchen with Nick the last time he checked.

Suddenly, Wes stopped short. The music had grown louder. Going into super Asian ninja stealth mode, he crept down the hall, stepping lightly on the white marble. As he drew steadily closer, the music's volume continued to grow. Off to the right was a door that was slightly cracked, a yellow shaft of light creeping out. With one swift movement, he slid the polished wood the rest of the way open. But what he found wasn't anywhere close to what he was expecting.

The room was awesome. A giant who-knows-how-many-inches flat screen TV rested on the wall in front of a home theatre, and a popcorn machine glowed in the left corner. That was the cool part. The surprising part was the music video on the screen of the TV, and the one and only Kurt Hummel busting a move in the aisle.

Kurt looked pretty out of it, but apparently he wasn't too far gone to notice the door creak open. He stopped his crazy movements and whipped around. When he saw Wes, he paled (if that was possible) before flooding with color, embarrassment coloring his features.

Wes had to admit that Kurt's moves were pretty smooth, if not a little insane, but it was still a potentially uncomfortable situation. Although, it didn't even start to compare to when he'd walked in on Kurt and Blaine making out shortly after Regionals. Now _that_ had been awkward. Still, the gavel-happy Asian couldn't repress a small smirk as he leaned coolly against the frame of the door and crossed his arms.

"So," he said casually, raising an eyebrow, "you like dancing?"

Kurt made a mortified little squeaking sound before turning and bolting out of a door in the back, nearly tripping on his face as he scrambled to make a getaway. Wes bit his lip hard, trying to wait until the countertenor was out of earshot before busting up laughing, succumbing to the hilarity of the thing. He doubled over, and it was several minutes before he hiccuped himself back into partial seriousness.

Smiling like mad, he turned and exited the room. He needed to find David. Maybe the Warblers could consider making a variation on their dance routines...

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><p><strong><em>Soooo what did you think? Please review and give me your input! Criticism is welcomed, but flames will be used to burn Rachel's hideous sweaters tonight.<em>**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	2. Telephone Misery

**_Hey! I was happily surprised at the number of hits Just Dance got, and it inspired me to write this up for you! It would be helpful if you could review as well as read too! :) Even if your review says, "THIS STORY SUCKS!" _**

**_Also, I think I should clarify something about these Drabbles. Unless I state it in the Author's Note, all of these are AU, with no relation to the show. So if you see something that isn't canon, that's probably why. Now, onward with the story!_**

**_WAIT! One more thing: I really wouldn't even have published the first chapter without foraworldundeserving. Seriously, she's the awesomest writer ever. So go check her out. But after you've read this, of course. ;)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, Klaine would've happened a long time before Original Song. Just saying._**

Really, the whole incident wasn't his fault. Completely.

Alright, alright, maybe it _was_ his fault and now everyone was pissed at him for it, but it had been well worth it in his opinion.

Every day, Jeff had a free period of sorts for studying and other boring activities. There were only one or two other Warblers in the room with him, and neither of them he knew very well. That big essay in Language Arts had been finished quickly, and he had no other work to do. And the class didn't get out for another _forty-five minutes_! He tried to be calm and daydream or something, but found that he was too naturally hyperactive to sit still that long. It was Friday for Pete's sake! No one was supposed to be able to focus on Friday! So, instead of another meek attempt at being good, he whipped out his phone with an evil smirk.

He fired off a quick text to Nick.

_Hey sexy ;)_

It was the text that started everything.

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><p>In his French classroom, Nick hovered threateningly over his piece of quiche, ready to attack and devour. It was one of the rare food days, and the room was especially noisy. The warm smell of the egg-bacon-onion-cheese confectionary circulated deliciously through the air, reminding him of how hungry he was. He'd gotten a late start this morning, and hadn't been able to catch any breakfast. Needless to say, when his phone vibrated in the pocket of his blazer, he was particularly annoyed.<p>

"Who is it?" asked Trent on his right, taking a swig of Diet Coke.

Nick pulled out his cell and rolled his eyes. "It's Jeff."

He showed Trent the message, and they swapped looks of exasperation.

"Just leave it." Trent suggested, sticking his fork into his quiche once more.

"Will do." Nick agreed, taking his first, glorious bite.

Unfortunately, even Nick hadn't encountered Jeff when he was this intent on causing trouble. And Jeff didn't give up. Ever. He kept on peppering Nick with texts and picture mails (though what they were of, he wasn't sure he wanted to find out). After maybe seven or so minutes the texts stopped. Nick was just bordering on feeling relieved when Jeff took it to a whole new level and freaking _called_ him.

Sure, no one really cared because of all the racket taking place anyway, and the teacher let phones slide on food days. Still, the people sitting near him shot him amused looks as My Humps cheeped from his pocket. Cursing, Nick dug out his phone and swiftly hit 'ignore' before turning it to silent mode. It took maybe ten seconds for _Trent's _phone to start vibrating maniacally and playing The Spice Girls's If You Want To Be My Lover, which was pretty darn embarrassing for a teenage male to have as a ringtone. Trent muttered a few swear words under his breath before switching his phone to silent and returning it to its place in his pants pocket.

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><p>Kurt was highly confused when he got two calls in quick succession in the middle of Language Arts. Maybe there was a god after all, because Mr. Richards failed to notice Push It pumping from his messenger bag. He grabbed his iPhone and frantically tried to ignore the incoming call, accidentally pressing the off button several times before the offending music stopped playing. After properly shutting the electronic up, he found the right setting to permanently silence it. He glanced surreptitiously to his left and saw Blaine fighting back laughter.<p>

"Salt n Pepa?" Blaine asked amusedly, leaning leisurely back in his chair, "Is there a story behind that? Because that kind of music doesn't seem like it would be your taste."

Before Kurt could fully form a cutting, witty reply, Blaine's own cell decided now was a good time to begin ringing with a call. Whoever was calling him – and Kurt suspected Jeff to be the culprit – he figured that he owed them one. The result of the call was bust-a-gut worthy.

Hannah Montana's infamous Best of Both Worlds blasted from the speakers on Blaine's phone, causing the teasing smile to slide off of his face. He turned about three shades of red as he frantically tried to hush up the phone, pressing a bunch of random buttons in his haste. His ringtone before, Teenage Dream, had at least made sense. This, however…

Half the class was crying from mirth by the time Blaine managed to quiet his phone, and Kurt swore that Blaine was going to sink into the floor and not resurface.

"Hannah Montana?" Kurt was able to get out through his muffled snickers, "Really, Blaine? And you thought _my_ ringtone was bad?"

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><p>Wes, David, and Thad were all working on a history project together, researching fascinating things such as the first people to come to Ohio, and how they had started their businesses there. Invigorating stuff. It was Thad's phone that rang first. He barely even batted an eye, completely unashamed of his Batman ringtone. Calmly, he picked up his phone and flicked over to his messages.<p>

1 new message.

_I loooooove pie =D_

Thad frowned. Random much, Jeff? He opened his mouth to comment, but before he could, the Scooby-Doo theme struck the air. If David hadn't been so dark, he would've blushed a deep, mortified red.

"Now, David," Wes said, working overtime to keep his smile at bay, "Aren't we a little old for Saturday morning cartoons?"

Before David could even sputter an excuse, _Wes's_ phone started freaking out, flashing and vibrating way too violently to be plausible.

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

_Don't cha?_

_Don't cha, baby, don't cha?_

Wes made a desperate grab for his cell, which slipped from between his fingers and clattered onto the floor. Some of his classmates turned around, snickering at the music coming from the electronic rectangle. David's jaw had fallen open in disbelief, and Thad had snorted, hunching his shoulders.

"You hypocrite!" David accused, frowning at his best friend. "The _Pussy Cat Dolls_? Do you actually like them?"

"No?" Wes offered meekly.

David gave him a look. Instead of admitting defeat, the Asian looked down at the screen of his phone. Whoever had done this to him was going to pay dearly in lost solos. No, they would pay worse than that. He would throw his gavel at them. Repeatedly.

_Wes, why won't you answer me? :'(_

Wes blinked at the message. Jeff had apparently found twenty different ways to paraphrase that question, along with several variations of 'I'm booooored' and 'Pie is WIN!'

At this point, Mr. Porter was glaring sternly at the three Warblers. Thad gave the teacher his best charming smile, radiating goody two-shoes innocence. Luckily for them, Mr. Porter generally favored Warblers, and after a few moments apparently decided to let the incident slide. He looked away, and Wes breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're not going to ever let this go, are you?" he asked David, pouting.

David smirked. "Nope."

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><p>Despite all of the shenanigans that took place, no one got it worse than Nelson. Jeff even felt kinda bad afterwards, despite the fact that it had been totally hilarious and he hadn't laughed that hard since who knows when.<p>

Nelson had the exact same study hour that Jeff did, which is why he had avoided texting the older Warbler. He had no doubts at all that the bigger boy could pick him up, spin him in circles, and throw him across the Dalton soccer field. Not that Nelson was super-buff, but Jeff was a skinny guy.

So, taking this into consideration, it was his natural reaction to flip out and start cowering in his seat when Nelson's phone started playing the most terrifying song any self-respecting straight male could fathom – Friday, by Rebecca Black.

"Dude, don't tell me you like that song." Cameron said, looking up from his Calculus textbook.

"Shut up!" Nelson snapped, sliding the battery out of his phone.

Before the screen died, Jeff swore he saw a glimpse of Rebecca Black wallpaper. He pressed his lips together in an effort not to smirk. This was _so_ going to be used as blackmail later.

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><p>Okay, okay, so what if they'd cornered him in the cafeteria later? So what if he still ached from being smacked upside the head so many times, and he was convinced that his hair would never part the same way ever again? It wasn't his fault.<p>

…Entirely.

_**A little longer than the last chapter, but not by much! What did you think? Good? Bad? Horrible? Personally, I love Jeff. :) Let me know via review what your thoughts are! Again, all flames will be used to destroy Rachel's terrible wardrobe. I'm thinking about burning the tights this time.**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	3. Put Your Records On

**_Hello again! Whilst flicking through my iPod in a coffee shop (Klaine signifigance?) this Drabble popped into my head and I just couldn't resist! Really, everyone knows curly hair is better when it's left to breathe anyway._**

**_A big, big thank you to those who left me a review! They all mean so much to me. Truly, they do. Virtual cookies to you all! ;)_**

**_I know this story is still very much in its early stages, but if anyone has a great idea for a song-based Drabble they would like me to type up, I would gladly do it for them! It would be an honor to try and do your ideas justice. _**

**_Once again, Hagrid-sized thanks to foraworldundeserving and all her nitpickiness. And yes, that is a word. Well, it is now anyway._**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Now, excuse me while I go cry in a corner..._**

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><p>"This meeting has been called to order." Wes said commandingly from his spot before the Warblers, banging his beloved gavel for emphasis.<p>

"Um, why isn't Blaine here?" Kurt asked, looking concerned at the absence of his boyfriend.

"Because, Warbler Kurt, this meeting is about Warbler Blaine, and we can't have him here while we're discussing him." Wes answered, setting down his gavel and lacing his fingers together.

"So, as many of you may have noticed, Warbler Blaine has a scary and potentially unhealthy addiction to hair products. As of late, said addiction has grown at an astonishing rate, considering how much he used in the first place. The council has voted, and we have decided to hold a Warbler Intervention, for the sake of our lead soloist's sanity and wellbeing."

Snickers broke out across the room before Wes even finished speaking.

"That is _so_ true." Cameron whispered into Kurt's ear, "No offense dude, but your boy toy reeks like hair gel nowadays. It's almost nauseating."

Kurt glared at him, but had to agree. It had been hard being in an enclosed space with Blaine for the past week or so due to the stench, and his boyfriend's hair felt like it had been replaced with a football helmet (and Kurt knew exactly what those felt like). Usually he would question such a radical decision, especially one revolving around Blaine, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"So, how exactly are we going to hold this 'Warbler Intervention?'" Kurt asked, wondering what the head council member had up his blazer sleeve.

Wes just smiled serenely. "How else? By song."

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><p>"Hey Blaine." Kurt said cheerfully, sneaking up to the older boy and giving him a quick peck on the cheek.<p>

"Hey." Blaine flashed his hundred-watt smile, and Kurt nearly forgot his reason for being there. "Someone's in a good mood. What's up?"

"Well, I have a surprise for you." Kurt said mischievously. He grabbed Blaine's hand, tugging the junior behind him. "Come on!"

Kurt pulled him down the labyrinth-like corridors until they arrived at the Foreign Language hallway, which was jam-packed in the usual morning rush. The countertenor stopped, slightly breathless, in front of his French classroom. Blaine looked around, confused at where he'd been led.

"Uh, why are we here?"

"Because me, Jeff, Nick, David, Wes, and Trent all have this class first hour. It was the most convenient."

His nonchalant answer seemed to further puzzle Blaine, who opened his mouth and then closed it, trying to figure out what was going on. Seeming to give up trying to understand his boyfriend's logic, he said, "So, what's the surprise?"

Right on cue, Wes and David came from the French room, leading the rest of the Warblers, who streamed out and into their usual formation.

"Blaine," Wes said loudly and clearly, attracting the attention of a few onlookers, "We, the Warblers, are staging an intervention for you and your hair gel obsession. Nice job, Kurt."

Kurt nodded and took his usual place beside David. Blaine gave him a pleading look, as if to say, _how could you do this to me?_ Kurt just shrugged, knowing that Blaine had this coming the second he increased his daily intake of gel.

In the back, Terry started up his beat-boxing, and the rest of the Warblers slid into their respective parts. Trent slipped through the group to sing in front, swaying to the music.

_Blue as the sky, somber and lonely_

_Sipping tea in a bar by the roadside_

_Don't you let those other boys fool you_

_Gotta love that afro hair do_

David took a half-step forward, spreading his arm out in a friendly gesture, his dark eyes twinkling with humor, knowing just how embarassed they were making Blaine.

_Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright_

_The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change_

_Don't you think it's strange?_

Kurt quickly replaced David, strolling leisurely up to Blaine as he sang.

_Boy, put your records on, tell me your favorite song_

_Just go ahead, let your hair down_

At this line, he bent forward and flicked Blaine's helmet-hair, which didn't move. Blaine flinched and swatted his hand away, his face turning bright red.

_Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams_

_Just go ahead, let your hair down_

_You're gunna find yourself somewhere, somehow_

Wes came up beside Kurt. He felt an obligation to sing part of it, as it had been his idea, and the next part they had arranged was perfect for expressing his feeling of distaste toward Blaine's horrid gel.

'_Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake_

_Some nights kept me awake, I thought I was stronger_

_When you gunna realize, that you don't even have to try any longer?_

_Do what you want to_

The remainder of the Warblers crowded around Blaine, enclosing him in a hemisphere. They belted out the last few lines in unison, gesturing obviously to the overly-gelled subject of the intervention.

_Boy, put your records on, tell me your favorite song_

_You go ahead, let your hair down_

_Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams_

_Just go ahead, let your hair down_

The Warblers parted to let Jeff and Nick through, who each placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder, finishing out the intervention song.

_You're gunna find yourself somewhere, somehow_

As the performance came to a close, the large crowd that had gathered whooped and cheered appreciatively, clapping and fist-pumping. Blaine dropped his burning face into his hands, refusing to believe that his friends would publicly humiliate him like this. Scratch that, he _absolutely_ believed that _Wes_ and _David_ were publicly humiliating him. But Kurt? Raising his head, he gave his boyfriend his signature, adorable puppy dog eyes.

Kurt laughed lightly, leaning down and whispering, "Wear it loose? For me? I like it when I can run my fingers through it."

As he spoke, one pale hand skimmed over Blaine's shoulder blade and up to the back of his neck, resting at the gelled hairline. Blaine shivered at his touch.

"Okay," he murmured back, attempting a smile, "no more hair gel. For you."

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><p><em><strong>Well, there you go! A tiny bit of Klaine fluffiness for my fellow Klaine lovers. You know, Wes is soooo hypocritical. What about his gavel addiction? Maybe he needs a Warbler Intervention. Now, REVIEW! OR WES WILL THROW HIS GAVEL AT YOU! ;)<strong>_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	4. Animal

**_Okay, before I thank all the reviewers and peole who have kept encouraging me, I would like to emphasize a point that I have. I will put it in big bold letters so it can't be missed. Please read carefully._**

**_I realize that on Glee in the episode Silly Love Songs that Quinn and Finn caught mono. Is this a type of spin-off of that? It depends on how you look at it. _**

**_I GOT THE INSPIRATION FOR THIS DRABBLE FROM THE SONG ANIMAL. THIS CHAPTER IS BASED OFF OF A SONG, JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER CHAPTER THAT WILL APPEAR IN THIS STORY. I AM NOT ATTEMPTING TO COPY OR PLAGIARIZE GLEE IN ANY WAY. _**

**_I would highly appreciate it if you did not send me a review or PM complaining about that. I repeat: I thought of the plot for this while listening to Animal. No, it doesn't really have any relation to the song as a whole, but as I said in the second chapter, these drabbles can be based off of lines from a song, or a song in general. I welcome reviews, but complaints will be considered flames, and I will delete them. I hate to follow protocall and restate something I've read many times, but IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT, AND DON'T RUIN IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE. Okay?_**

**_On a much happier, lighter note, I pay attention to all of my reviews and you're all so nice! Thank you to those who have left me suggestions/prompts. A lot of people seem to like the idea of more interventions like Blaine's. Unfortunately, no songs came up on Google search when I typed in 'songs about gavel-obsessed Asians' so I might have to forgo that particular one..._**

**_Big, big hugs of thanks to foraworldundeserving. And yes, I am going to say that in every chapter. ;) Don't even try to stop me from thanking you! Without her, I would post error-ridden stories that burn eyes. _**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. And this chapter is not copying Silly Love Songs. Just so you know._**

David looked concernedly over at Wes, who was staring blankly at his desk, unmoving, one hand on his throat. The typically gavel-happy teen had been in bed when David had come back from his usual morning run. He had hit the showers like always, and when he came back he had found his roomate in this exact position. Wes had been like this for a few minutes now, and it was starting to seriously worry David. The generally upbeat Asian had a fevered, glazed look in his coffee brown eyes that told David something was wrong. Had Wes been up until two texting his girlfriend again? Taking another look at his best friend, he decided that texting wasn't the problem in this case.

"Wes, man, are you okay?" David asked worriedly, blinking in concern.

"Fine." Wes croaked, his voice constricted and slightly hoarse. He made no move to get up.

Hesitantly, David reached over and brushed the back of his hand against Wes's forehead. He wasn't altogether surprised to find a burning fever festering there, and sighed in resignation.

"Come on, let's get you to the nurse." He said bracingly, helping his friend out of the chair. He looped a secure arm around the shorter boy's waist, letting him lean on him for support.

When he got Wes to the nurse, Miss Jennings, she immediately settled him on one of the cots and shooed David out, warning him that whatever Wes had could be contagious. David decided to go without a fight, and left Wes in Miss Jennings's capable hands.

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><p>"So is it true that Wes has mono?" Kurt asked David at lunch, picking at his salad.<p>

David nodded solemnly. "That's what the nurse said. He's back in our dorm right now, sleeping. I hope it'll blow over soon."

"I hope it doesn't spread." Blaine said, shuddering, "That is _not_ a good thing to have running through Dalton."

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><p>"Blaine?"<p>

Kurt pushed Blaine's door open quietly, his eyes trying to adjust to the sudden darkness. It had been a few days since Wes had caught mono, and Kurt had just been beginning to think that they had all survived unscathed…until Blaine hadn't met him for their usual morning medium drip and grande nonfat mocha.

Blaine's dorm room was completely silent except for the sound of snores every few seconds. If snores could sound painful, then Blaine's definitely did. They were hoarse and raspy, and it sounded as though each one were being ripped from his throat.

Kurt dropped his messenger bag and hurried over to the bed, placing a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and shaking him.

"Blaine," he whispered, his brow furrowing in worry, "Blaine, wake up!"

The snores ceased. Then, Blaine groaned and squirmed under the sheets, clearly uncomfortable.

"Feel like crap." He croaked, vigorously rubbing the side of his face. "What time s'it?"

"Almost time for class to begin." Kurt said, glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table, whose bold red numbers told Kurt there were twenty minutes until first period. As Blaine made a movement to get up, Kurt swiftly pushed him back down, saying, "Oh no you don't, Anderson. You are not moving until you're better again. I'll going to go get you some medicine, so stay here and be good. I'll be right back."

Blaine grumbled something incoherent, and left Kurt to assume that said grumble was affirmative. He left the dorm room as quickly and quietly as possible. When he reached the hallway, he broke into a run, racing in the direction of Wes and David's 'ninja Warbler hideout.'

It took a conscious effort not to dramatically burst through the door and beg for some medicine (in a total Broadway-like performance). Kurt took several deep breaths before knocking softly on the door, hoping that David was still in there, babying his best friend.

David cracked the door open a few seconds later, looking surprised to see Kurt standing in front of him. Kurt usually avoided their dorm except for emergencies. Being around them too much made him fear for what little sanity he had left.

"Kurt, do you need something?"

"Blaine's sick!" Kurt burst out worriedly, rocking on his heels, "I think he might have mono, like Wes. Do you have any medicine I could give him?"

David nodded and disappeared into the dark depths of the room. Kurt heard Wes mumble something, but was shushed quickly. David reappeared with a small white ibuprofen container and an Arrowhead bottle full of water.*

"Give him this." He told Kurt, pressing the items into the countertenor's hands. "There really isn't a magic cure for mono, but these should make him feel better. And bring him some food later, even though he won't want to eat. I'm sure you'll convince him somehow." His eyes twinkled.

"Thanks." Kurt mumbled, blushing feverishly. He spun on his heel and rushed back down the hall, anxious to get Blaine on the mend as soon as possible.

By the time he got back, Blaine had fallen asleep once again. Although he thought that Blaine was adorable when he slept, Kurt really thought that he should wake him. Once Blaine was half-awake again, Kurt walked him through the pill-taking process, and instructed him to drink as much of the water as possible.

"So," Kurt said, leaning back in the chair he was sitting in, "Why did you do it?"

Blaine frowned at him, taking tiny sips of water. "Do what?"

"Cheat on me with Wes." Kurt could barely contain his smirk. "I mean, I know that you're half Asian, and Wes being a fellow Asian could be a turn on for you. I get that. But you could've just told me."

"But…" Blaine had an intense look of concentration, as if the sickness was slowing down his usually chaotic thoughts. "I didn't kiss Wes…"

"Yeah, okay." Kurt glanced at the clock, and realized with a jolt that he only had about six minutes to get to his first class. "Well, it's almost time for me to go, Blaine. Sleep lots, okay? I'll be back to check on you during lunch."

Kurt leaned down and pecked his boyfriend on the lips. The older boy protested, but weakly.

"Kurt…you'll get sick." Blaine said half-heartedly.

Kurt just rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. I never get sick." He turned to leave. "Besides, I wanted to see if you tasted the same after slipping Wes the tongue."

He was a few steps down the hall before he faintly heard Blaine calling after him.

"I WASN'T SLIPPING WES THE TONGUE!"

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><p><strong><em>*Arrowhead is a popular brand of bottled water in America<em>**

_**Once again, I would like to point out that my inspiration for this came from the song Animal, from the line "we're sick like animals, we play pretend." Look it up. That's the exact line from the song. Also, in case you were wondering, Darren Criss (Blaine) IS half Asian. He's half Filipeno, to be exact, and that counts as Asian. And no, suggesting that Asians are attracted to each other is not racist. I'M half Asian. It's not racist.**_

_**Read and review? You know you want to. ;) All flames will proceed to burn Kurt's hair products. And do you want Kurt after you for destroying his hair products? I didn't think so.**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	5. Fat Bottomed Girls

**_Hello again everybody! So, you could say that this is a response of sorts to Telephone/Misery. Revenge, if you will. But would Jeff let that happen? ;) You'll see._**

**_I have my doubts about this chapter. I was a bit hesitant about posting it, so if you like it let me know! Reviews are amazing. They're like little doses of caffeine. I read one and perk up instantly! They make me happy. =)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, Jeff, Wes, and David would've played bigger parts._**

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><p>The whole point of the night was really just an evil scheme of Nelson's to get Jeff to embarrass himself, as payback for the texting incident. He never dreamed that it would backfire as drastically as it did.<p>

It had started out perfect. Thad, the one least affected by the texting disaster, had innocently suggested to have a Warbler's party night at his place. The idea was to play video games, load up on junk food, and just be normal teenage guys for a night. It had all sounded so good that when he pitched it, Nelson had found himself believing every word – until he remembered their diabolical arrangement.

They had all collaborated at Thad's house that Friday night, easily fitting into his spacious basement. They played COD and Halo and all the other video games Thad had stored in his gaming cabinets. It was Blaine who brought up Rock Band, which Thad dug out of his collection and booted up. Nelson immediately offered to be the singer for the first couple of rounds. Blaine quickly took guitar, and Thad claimed the drumsticks, while Jeff and Nick watched amusedly, verbally berating Nelson for all the notes he missed.

After a truly horrible rendition of Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer, Nelson handed the mic over to Jeff, claiming that his poor voice needed a rest. Jeff looked more than happy to 'save his ears from further punishment' and snatched up the mock mic. As per the plan, it was Blaine's turn to pick a song. He flashed a small, slightly wicked smile at Nelson before selecting Queen's Fat Bottomed Girls. Jeff groaned.

"Why do we have to do this song?" he whined. "It's _so_ embarrassing, and none of us are girls anyway. Can we not and say we did?"

"No!" Blaine insisted, holding up his fake guitar. "It has an _epic_ guitar solo in it! I get to wow you all with my amazing skills!"

Jeff gave Nelson an irritating look, and Nelson couldn't help but wonder if Jeff saw through all the lies to the real plan. Whatever he saw or didn't see, Jeff suddenly got an evil grin of his own, mischief glimmering in his eyes.

"Fine. Let's kill this thing!"

As the opening guitar notes strummed out, Jeff's impish, evil smile just got wider. Nelson could almost see the scheming wheels turning in his friend's brain, and was starting to regret his decision to try and plot revenge. Jeff waited for his queue before spinning on his heel, singing the lyrics directly to Nelson. He made a big show out of it, with sappy looks of adoration and totally inappropriate but hilarious hip thrusting motions. It was pretty mortifying.

"_Hey big woman, you made a bad boy out of me!_" At this line, Jeff ran a hand through his lionish locks, causing them to rumple and spike up in a way that resembled sexy bedhead.

"_Oh, won't you take me home tonight?_" he circled the beanbag that Nelson was sitting on before dropping suddenly to his knees, belting out the song and giving Nelson a puppy dog pout to rival Blaine's. "_Oh, down beside that red firelight? Oh, you got to let it all hang out! Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round!_"

By that time, Blaine and Thad were busy cracking up, keeling over their respective instruments and laughing so hard that sound had stopped coming out. Jeff was smiling like crazy. He was having _way_ too much fun torturing Nelson.

"_Oh, but I still need my pleasure. Still got my biggest treasure. Hey big woman, you done made a big man of me!_" Jeff winked suggestively, sliding onto Nelson's lap and giving him a mock lap dance before shoving the bigger boy back, out of the bean bag chair. Nelson toppled backwards, caught off guard, and slumped onto the carpet, wishing that the song would just _end_ already.

Blaine regained his breath long enough to realize that he's already struck out on his tries for his guitar, but he didn't seem to care. Thad had dropped to his knees beside the drumset, holding his stomach and trying to suppress tears.

"_Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round!_"

The song ended, and Jeff gave Nelson another sultry look before jumping up and joining in on the laughter, whooping and fist-pumping the air. Several Warblers converged upon him and clapped him on the back, laughter echoing in the high ceilings. Nelson was too shocked to even move. When most everyone had hiccupped himself into partial seriousness, Jeff turned to Nelson with a triumphant look.

"And that's what you get when you try to mess with me! Ha ha, sucker!"

* * *

><p><strong><em>Aaaaaaaaand that's it, folks! Another short one, like Just Dance. Did you love it? I think Puck would be proud of Jeff for rocking the song so well. Queen would be proud too.<em>**

**_Remember, reviews are like Darren Criss in Out magazine...HOT! ;)_**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	6. Human

**_I would like to start out by saying that I know absolutely nothing about baseball. Seriously. I had to ask my stepdad what a shortstop did/was. It's sad. So, any errors in the baseball game are accidental. Please keep that in mind when you read it, and remember that it's an amateur game with a bunch of friends playing together._**

**_Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially xSlythStratasfaction. :) Reviews honestly make my day, without fail. Also, thank you to foraworldundeserving for being my beta and fellow insane writer!_**

**_This drabble is based off of Darren Criss's song Human, which you need to look up RIGHT NOW if you haven't already heard it. It comes from the line "I feel like a shortstop along third base. I may just help you, but I still don't like your face." You'll see how that ties in at the end of the story. ;)_**

**_Also, a warning: This is about as AU as I can think of. No correlation to anything canon in the show's plot whatsoever._**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If only, if only, right?_**

* * *

><p>Wes and David were having one of their rare fights. They were best friends, and therefore their fights were correspondingly huger. No one in the Warblers was quite sure what had caused the fight <em>this<em> time, but it made Warblers meetings ten times more awkward.

Personally, Thad was sick of all the useless, pointless tension now residing within the council. They were _supposed_ to be choosing songs to sing for the Dean's surprise birthday celebration in a couple weeks. But no. Wes and David were acting like insolent children, refusing to cooperate and shooting down each other's suggestions. They couldn't decide on _anything_. They had surpassed driving him up the wall. They were driving him up the wall, onto the ceiling, and out of the entire building. And finally, Thad just couldn't stand it anymore. He snapped.

It was just another typical Monday. Everybody had that hangdog look associated with lack of sleep (particularly Blaine and Kurt, but Thad didn't want to look any deeper into that). Thad felt like banging his head repeatedly on the council's polished wood desk. He hadn't gotten his usual morning coffee, and was now paying dearly for it.

Wes and David, meanwhile, were having another one of their irritatingly futile arguments.

"Why are you so set on singing a ballad?" Wes asked heatedly, glaring at David.

_Good grief,_ Thad thought exasperatedly, rubbing his aching temple,_ Does it really matter?_

"Why _not_ a ballad?" David shot back, his mouth set in a determined line. "Do you have something against emotional songs, seeing as you have no emotions yourself?"

"Oh my _god_!" Thad exploded, standing up so harshly that his chair toppled over and the papers neatly stacked in front of him flew everywhere.

"You two!" he burst out angrily, barely registering the shocked looks he was receiving. "I don't know what crawled into your beds and bit you, but _get over it_! You're bickering like spoiled little kids and I'm _sick of it_!"

The room was completely silent. Thad never, ever lost control. He was the most levelheaded of the council, the peacemaker. Nothing ever made him irate. Thad cast one more furious look at Wes and David before stalking out. Behind him, he heard Wes hurriedly dismissing the meeting. As he left the room, he decided that if Wes and David couldn't man up, he would have to find a way for them to get along again.

The big question now was…how?

* * *

><p>Maybe it was crazy. Thad had to admit, it wasn't his brightest idea ever. He had approached Kurt tentatively one day later that week, when the countertenor was walking without his lapdog for once.<p>

"So Kurt," he said awkwardly, "do you keep in touch with New Directions?"

"Why?" Kurt asked, looking suspicious.

"Well, I had this idea about how to unify the Warblers again…"

Despite Kurt's dislike of sports, he agreed to alert New Directions about the upcoming event. He also agreed to spread the word, and have all of the Warblers notified by the end of the week.

"I just hope your plan works." Kurt voiced Thad's doubts aloud as they entered the chemistry classroom together.

"It will." Thad put on a confident mask, clapping the younger boy on the shoulder reassuringly.

* * *

><p>Thad spent the rest of the week in a state of severe anxiety. By the time Friday rolled around, he was on the brink of a total freak out. He had wracked his brain <em>forever<em> to think this scheme up, and if it didn't work he was back to the drawing board with two hateful Warblers and no ideas on how to make them see the light.

"Why are we here?" Wes asked irritatedly, crossing his arms and looking around.

"I told you." Thad said patiently, pulling some baseball gloves from the trunk of his sleek black Lexus. "We're going to have a friendly game of baseball with the New Directions. It's supposed to be fun."

With this, he cast a hard look in Wes's direction. "It's also supposed to help you two to get over this ridiculous tension."

He walked away, leaving Wes to sputter over a confused response. New Directions was already gathered at home plate on the McKinley baseball field, chatting amongst themselves. Thad tried to look friendly and confident as he approached them. Thankfully, Kurt and Blaine were already there.

"Hey guys." Thad greeted with an easy smile.

There was a general murmur of greeting. One of the girls in the back was eyeing him, rather like a lion would eye a piece of meat.

"Kurt." The girl said, weaving between a guy with a mohawk and a very short brunette girl. "Where have you been hiding all of these yummy prep school boys?"

Thad was a mixture of shocked and flattered at the Latina's blatantness. Kurt, however, just rolled his eyes.

"Santana, I've been hiding them from you and your Satan-like ways."

Santana looked offended, but Kurt continued speaking, appearing anxious to get the game started.

"Okay, so the one hitting on you is Santana. The blonde she just linked pinkies with is Brittany, and the guy in the wheelchair is Artie. Behind them are Mike and Tina. Finn is the Frankenteen, and the midget in front of him Rachel. Next to her is Puck, and next to him is Lauren. Over there are Sam and Quinn. Last but not least is my best friend and resident diva, Mercedes. New Directions, this is Thad."

Thad blinked. His brain was swimming with all of the names Kurt had just fired off. By this time, the dynamic bickering duo had come up behind him, along with the rest of the Warblers. Wes and David were still pointedly not looking at each other.

"Wes, David, you two are team captains." Thad said briskly, after the rest of the introductions had been made, clearing his throat. "Pick your teams."

* * *

><p>To be honest, David had forgotten why he was even mad at Wes a long time ago. It must've been something stupid. He hoped that after this game, his longtime best friend would be willing to make amends.<p>

He let Wes have first pick; it seemed like the nice thing to do. Wes chose Finn without any hesitation. David evaluated each ND member in his head before deciding on the Asian guy, Mike. He was built like a long distance runner, lithe and strong, and David hoped he would prove a good athlete.

The wheelchair guy, Artie, was going to referee the game. In the end, Wes had Finn, Santana, Brittany, Tina, Cameron, Logan, Jeff, Nick, Blaine, and Nelson. Everyone else was on Team David. Wes's team was up to bat first. Artie blew his whistle, and the game commenced.

It was the bottom of the ninth, and David's team was up to bat. David himself was standing, breathless, on third base, with Kurt occupying second. They were only down by one run. If Puck hit a homerun, they could win the whole thing! David felt excitement pulse through his veins as Puck stepped up to the plate. Santana, the pitcher, was using a combination of seduction and intimidation on the unfortunate souls up to bat. It was having zero effect on Puck, but Wes, playing shortstop, looked _very_ distracted. So distracted, in fact, that he failed to notice the baseball flying in his direction.

"WES!" David yelled, watching, transfixed, as the ball flew towards his best friend, hitting him square in the chest.

Wes was knocked backwards, falling spectacularly into the dust, skidding a little on the slippery dirt. Instead of taking off for home plate, David sprinted off of third base to go see if Wes was okay. Despite their recent argument, it would suck if Wes got seriously injured.

"Oh my god! Wes, are you okay? Are you _alive_?" David asked in a panicked tone, leaning over the unmoving boy.

Wes groaned, rubbing his chest, before sitting upright. He seemed a little out of it.

"Gavel…" he muttered, his eyes half-closed, "I need my gavel. So I can kill the whipped guy with the mohawk."

David smiled, hiding his relief that Wes was still partially sane. "Come on," he said, holding out a hand, "You can kill him later."

He pulled Wes to his feet. They both stared at each other for a tense moment, the happy, easy air turning awkward.

After a moment, Wes asked despairingly, "Are we friends again, David?"

David surveyed him carefully before saying, "Yeah. Yeah, we are."

They shared a tentative, hesitant smile before embracing briefly.

"But just so you know," David added, pulling back, "I still don't like your face. Or your gavel addiction."

Wes rolled his eyes. "Way to ruin the moment, Mr. Sensitive."

* * *

><p>Thad watched the two reunited friends with a small, self-satisfied grin. While they had been making up, ND and the Warblers had called the game a draw, and were beginning to walk back to their respective cars.<p>

Happy that peace had been temporarily restored, Thad opened the driver's door of his car and got inside, turning on the radio.

"I am a genius." He said happily to himself, settling in to wait for his friends.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thad really is a genius, isn't he? He's not nearly as much of a stick-in-the-mud as everyone thinks! <em>**

**_Remember, reviews are exactly like inspiration! They make my writing speed up...WAY up!_**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	7. Call Me When You're Sober

_**Gosh, this one came out fast. It practically wrote itself in my head! And although I love Evanescence, this has almost nothing to do with her song. Pretty much just the title. However, this is the most angsty drabble so far, so if you want to laugh, I don't reccomend reading this. If you don't mind a little bit of angst, then read on!**_

_**Since I wrote this at like 3am my time, there was a crapload of errors before my beta went through it. So thanks, foraworldundeserving! And thank you to all who have reviewed, especially xSlythStratasfaction and MissMarauder93. You guys PWN! ;)**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee (yet).**_

* * *

><p>It was early June, and the dreaded finals week was fast approaching. Even though the weather outside was gorgeous, the students at Dalton Academy were forced to stay inside and <em>study<em>. For the seniors in particular, the scores on the upcoming finals would affect their lives forever. School was taken especially seriously at Dalton; during this time of year, the library was constantly packed with students cramming for their tests.

Nick knew that he should probably be taking a break. God knows how desperately he needed one, and it was Friday night. So why was he still driving his nose into the theoretical grindstone? Well…

Lately he hadn't quite understood what was going on in his Advanced English class. He always got all of those stupid literary devices screwed up, and he was having a seriously tough time trying to decipher Shakespeare. Honestly, he thought to himself, the dude was dead. Who cares about his plays? They weren't that great anyway.

Unfortunately his teacher thought that Shakespeare was wildly important, which meant Nick laying in bed on his stomach at 1am with his nose stuck in Romeo & Juliet. He wasn't taking in a word of it, mostly because he had no idea what was going on. All he knew was that this Romeo dude seriously wanted into this Juliet chick's pants, and was now stalking her like the creeper he was.

With a sigh of exasperation, Nick slammed the book shut and threw it at the wall. It fell somewhere behind his headboard, and he couldn't be bothered to go and retrieve it. Freaking Shakespeare. Nick rolled onto his back and decided that he didn't need Shakespeare to succeed in life. All he was really interested in doing was singing and soccer anyway. Screw that old, dead play-writer guy.

Taking a deep breath, Nick relaxed all of his tense muscles, letting his tension seep into the squishy mattress. His icy blue eyes fluttered shut, and he was just about to drift off into a calm sleep when his phone started ringing. With a loud groan, he sat up again and picked up his phone, cursing the maniac who was calling him

Jeff.

Hmm. Nick stared at the name in consternation, wondering what exactly his best friend needed at 1am. His phone stopped vibrating the next second. Then realization hit him with the force of a jet plane. _Of course_. David's party.

David's birthday party had been tonight. Nick had thought about going, and had wanted to go _so_ bad, but he had heard a rumor about alcohol being present, and he really didn't want to get smashed the weekend before finals. It definitely wouldn't help his scores in English. But pretty much every other Warbler had gone…and was probably there having a great time right now. So what did Jeff want? A ride, maybe?

The thought of his friend possibly driving drunk was enough to spur him into action. Without hesitating, Nick speed dialed Jeff and waited for the blonde boy to pick up.

"Hullo?"

Oh boy. Jeff was drunk alright. Very drunk. He could tell just from that one word.

"Hey, Jeff, did you call me?" Nick asked, trying to keep in mind what Jeff was like when he was drunk off of his face.

"Um…" Jeff seemed to think for a minute before saying. "Uh…oh yeah! I deed call you Nicky! I have somthin…reeeeelly impirtint to tell you!"

Nick sighed. Jeff was probably going to say something random about rainbow llamas and then hang up. "Oh yeah? Something important? What is it?"

Jeff giggled almost maniacally. Someone in the background screamed, "YEAH, KURTIE BOY! GET SOME!" Nick cringed. It sounded like David, which was scarier than the statement itself. Was _everyone_ at this party drunk?

"Nick." Jeff's tone suddenly turned seriously, like he had gone from flat out stoned to sober in about ten seconds. Then he turned giggly and drunk again. "Huh huh, I luuuuuuuurve you, Nick! Loove. Loooooove! I LOVE YOU!"

"Oh. That – that's nice, Jeff." Nick felt his face burn red. Thank god he was alone, and nobody else could hear this conversation.

"Do you luhve me tooo?"

Nick could _hear_ the pout in his best friend's voice. He rolled his eyes. He ran a hand through his dark hair, sighing. He knew for a fact that Jeff wouldn't remember any of this in a few hours, so he decided to just go ahead and placate him for the time being. "Yeah. Love you too, buddy. Now go to bed."

"WAIT!" Jeff screamed, sounding frightened.

Nick's finger hovered over the 'end' button. "What?"

"You don't geddit, Nicky." Jeff whined. "I love you. I _love_ love you. _Love_ love. Not just _love_."

"Oh uh, okay. That's nice." Internally, Nick was groaning with embarrassment. He understood that Jeff was struggling with his sexuality right now, but this was not the time or place for a conversation like this. Especially because Jeff was so _drunk_.

All Nick could hear from the other end of the phone was a bunch of giggling and shouting, so he said, "Listen Jeff, I really think you should get some sleep. Stay at David's house. If your drunken self wants to talk about this another time, then great. Call me when you've sobered up, okay?"

"'Kay."

"Bye, Jeff. I'm hanging up now, alright? Go to sleep."

"Bye Bye, Nicky. I love you."

Nick took a deep breath, letting it out in a big sigh.

"Love you too."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Oh, the angst! :P And what were Blaine and Kurt getting up to in the background? Only they will ever know...<em>**

**_Review? Pretty please? Reviews are almost as hot as Darren Criss in Out magazine...almost. But not quite. Sorry._**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	8. Something To Talk About

_**I kind of feel bad at how badly I butchered Bonnie Raitt's song to make it work for this chapter. But actually, I'm happy with the way the lyrics turned out. I would like to add that this has no correlation to Put Your Records On, because this is pre-Klaine, and PYRO (ha ha, pyro) is post-Klaine.**_

_**Some people have sent me messages asking for me to write what happened at the party last chapter when David yelled, "YEAH, KURTIE BOY, GET SOME!" or something of that nature. Thoughts? I would be happy to if you all want it!**_

_**Thank you to all who have reviewed, as always. You guys ROCK!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I don't own a lot of things, actually...like, for instance, I don't own any sanity...**_

* * *

><p>"This emergency meeting has been called to order." Wes banged his beloved gavel down, quieting the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Thad sigh and roll his eyes, slumping back in his chair. He would have to remind Thad later to <em>look alive<em> and not _exasperated_ during Warbler meetings.

"_Please_ tell me we're not here to discuss _another_ intervention." Cameron whined from his seat. "'Cause seriously, Wes, you've gotten obsessed with interventions lately. You mention them like three times a day. Some of us are considering holding an intervention for your intervention addiction."

"With all due respect, shut up Warbler Cameron." Wes said snappishly, setting down his gavel. "Now, I know that I may have gone overboard with the intervention topic lately. But I think that you will all agree with this one. Has anyone noticed that Warbler Blaine and Warbler Kurt are not present?"

There were some murmurs of agreement, and a few people looked around just to be sure. Wes nodded and said, "Well, as you all know they are completely in love with each other and are too stubborn to admit it. So, we are going to hold an intervention to make them see the light. The only place we could really corner them is at their daily coffee not-date."

Wes paused. Then a slightly evil smile spread across his face. "So, Warblers…we're going to perform off campus."

* * *

><p>"They're so sickeningly cute." David said disgustedly, peering at Blaine and Kurt through the window of the Lima Bean.<p>

Thad looked over David's shoulder, frowning. At that moment, Blaine said something and Kurt busted up laughing. They locked eyes and just stared at each other for a few moments. It was kind of creepy.

"The eye-sex!" Wes groaned, covering his face with his hands, "I can't stand the tension any longer! We need to get in there _right now_!"

"Warblers, in formation!" David said commandingly, standing up and slipping away from the window.

Wes led the line of Warblers that streamed into the coffee shop. He couldn't help smiling when he saw Blaine's face. The junior had noticed them before Kurt, and was wearing an expression along the lines of _oh crap this can't be good_. Kurt turned around and gaped before covering his face in embarrassment. Wes smirked. How could they not have seen this coming?

"So," Wes said nonchalantly, leaning against their table, "I suppose there's no beating around the bush here. You two are obviously in love, and the Warblers are all losing teeth over it. When you sing those flirty duets – "

"And have eye-sex." David interjected.

"And have eye-sex," Wes added, acknowledging David with a nod. "When you do those things, it's really very sickening, and we'd like you to stop. So if you want to blame anyone, blame yourselves. You had this coming."

"Oh god." Kurt groaned, still hiding his face. "I don't know any of you crazies!"

Wes and David exchanged amused looks before falling into their typical formation. Several people were now giving them weird looks. The barista, however, looked just as amused as Wes felt. She was cute. He was going to have to ask for her number later. But back to the task at hand…

Wes turned and nodded at their beat-boxer, Terry, who started up the beat. As the Warblers seamlessly slipped into their parts, Wes reflected on how much they'd had to alter the lyrics to fit the situation but it was still perfect. Jeff stepped out of place into the front, standing right in front of Klaine's table.

_Warblers are talking, talking 'bout you people_

_I hear them whisper, you won't believe it_

_We think you're lovers, kept under cover_

_You just ignore it, but we keep saying_

Thad slid into Jeff's place and flawlessly picked up where the other boy had left off. He had to work not to laugh. Blaine's face was _priceless_.

_You laugh just a little too loud_

_You stand just a little too close_

_You stare just a little too long_

_Maybe we're seeing, something you don't, because_

Thad returned to his place beside Wes and the rest of the Warblers joined in. He had to admit, the harmonies were pretty rocking. Maybe they should consider performing this song in a formal setting.

_You give us something to talk about_

_You give us something to talk about_

_You give us something to talk about_

_Because you're in love_

Next was Wes's solo, which he had been pretty quick to claim. He pointedly faced Blaine, quirking an eyebrow.

_You are so foolish, you never noticed_

_He'd act so nervous_

_Could you be falling for him?_

_It took a rumor to make you wonder_

_Now you're convinced you're going under_

David came up behind him and smiled at Kurt before fixing Blaine with a mocking stare.

_Thinking 'bout him every day_

_Dreaming 'bout him every night_

_He's hoping you feel the same way_

_Now that you know it, why don't you show it?_

Nick, Jeff, and Thad joined the dynamic duo at the table, and the five of them harmonized the last few lines, grinning like crazy at Kurt and Blaine's reactions. Kurt was lying with his head on the table, covering his ears. The little of his pale face they could see was flushed a dark red. Blaine, on the other hand, was looking desperately around for an escape route, not wanting to sit through another second of this torture.

_You give us something to talk about_

_It's not a mystery to figure out_

_You give us something to talk about_

_Because you're in love, love, love_

As the performance ended, all of the Warblers struck a pose, gesturing to the couple at the coffee table. Wes fist-pumped the air and slapped David a high five. A few of the customers were clapping for them, but mostly they just looked nonplussed. Honestly, Wes couldn't blame them. They probably looked like gay freaks just then. The sad thing was…they kind of _were_ gay freaks. And that was totally fine with them.

"Was that necessary?" Blaine demanded angrily, his face burning.

"Why yes," David said, "yes it was, Blaine. Sorry, but it's too much."

Kurt lifted his head from the table. "I hate you all."

"Aww, no you don't." Wes said affectionately, ruffling his hair. "You love us."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Do not."

He stood and calmly threw away his empty coffee cup. "So, me and Blaine are gunna go passionately make out in my car now. Blaine?"

Blaine snorted into medium drip. He hastily turned his laugh into a violent cough. "Coming." He said, standing.

They left the coffee shop, smirking to themselves, hand in hand. David turned to look back at the Warblers.

"Any bets on whether they're _actually_ going to go make out?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>If you haven't already, Google the original lyrics and listen to the song. It's awesome.<strong>_

_**Reviews are supermegafoxyawesomehot. Just saying.**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	9. Dance With My Father

_**First off, a warning: This chapter is angsty. Very angsty. If you do not like angst, please wait for the next chapter, which will probably be humor/fluff/friendship. This is friendship, but nowhere even CLOSE to fluffy. Please, please don't hate me for this! But it just sort of came to me one day, and begged to be written. This is seriously the most angst-ridden thing I have ever thought of/written. Honestly. I'm not sure how you'll take it, but enjoy it anyway!**_

_**A few of you have asked me to write what was happening at the party, so I will probably post that in this story sometime soon. I just need to brainstorm ideas...and you might get a little hint of Nick/Jeff hidden in there somewhere. Because those two are just too adorable to NOT feature as a couple ;)**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, I would probably write the scripts full of A Very Potter Musical references.**_

Kurt stared numbly at his father's unmoving body on the hospital bed, unable to fathom that this was happening again. It was déjà vu in the worst possible sense. The doctors had warned them that this might happen again, but they hadn't wanted to believe it. They believed that if they watched Burt Hummel's diet and got him to exercise it would prevent another heart attack. Kurt closed his eyes and felt even more hot, salty tears fall down his cheeks. He felt like he had already cried his eyes dry, yet the flow of tears never stopped for very long. He must've looked like crap, but for once he didn't care about his vanity.

Mercedes had been there earlier. She had been a big comfort to him, but couldn't stay for longer than an hour or so. Finn had been there too, not long after Mercedes left. The problem was, when Finn saw his "little brother" crying and a mess, he didn't know how to react. He didn't know how to deal with crying girls, much less crying _guys_.

"Will he wake up?" Finn had asked, looking distressed.

Kurt had bit his lip to hold in his tears. "They don't know."

* * *

><p>"Kurt."<p>

A voice broke through his thoughts. Kurt turned towards the door at the sound of his name. Blaine was standing in the doorway, with an expression of deep sadness shadowing his handsome features. There was no pity on his face though, and Kurt realized that was one of the things he loved about him. Blaine knew that the only thing Kurt didn't want was pity.

Blaine walked quickly towards him, his arms outstretched in a comforting gesture. With a watery smile, Kurt pulled his boyfriend into a soft, chaste, slightly sad kiss. His eyes fluttered shut at the gentle contact, feeling for the first time as if he had someone supporting him. Blaine pulled away tenderly and rested his forehead against Kurt's.

"I came as soon as I heard the news." Blaine whispered, stroking Kurt's cheek with the back of his hand. "Mercedes told me. God, Kurt…I'm sorry. So, so sorry."

"It's not your fault." Kurt murmured back.

Blaine laughed a dry, humorless laugh. "True. I guess it's the whole 'protective boyfriend' thing kicking in."  
>There was a short moment in which they stood silently, drinking in the comfort of each other's presence. Then, Blaine spoke again.<p>

"I brought some of the Warblers with me," he said, "Well, technically they followed me here in Nick's minivan, but either way they're here. They're waiting just outside the door, waiting for my okay to come in. Is it fine if they visit with you for a bit?"

"Yeah." Kurt wasn't sure what to say. He was touched that the Warblers cared enough about him to make the trip. He had only been expecting Blaine.

Blaine gave him another light, lingering kiss before pulling away to go let the others in. He opened the door and Wes, David, Thad, Jeff, Nick, Cameron, and Trent filed in, all looking unusually somber. Wes and David, who were always so vibrant and animated, were for once calm and controlled. Trent was already tearing up a little, and Jeff looked completely horrified. The Warblers converged upon Kurt, enveloping him in a warm, tight embrace.

"They have something they wanted to give you." Blaine explained with a small smile. "Through song, of course. More Warblers wanted to come and help, but…I thought it was better to keep it personal."

Kurt nodded in acceptance, lacing a hand through Blaine's, dropping his head onto the older boy's shoulder. The Warblers started up their music as usual, but the beat was much slower and sadder than Kurt had ever heard it. Tears prickled at the back of his eyes as he recognized the tune.

The Warblers were out of formation, scattered around the edges of Burt's hospital bed. There was no cheerful beat-boxing in the background. David placed a hand on Kurt's back and began his solo.

_Back when I was a child_

_Before life removed all the innocence_

_My father would lift me high_

_And dance with my mother and me, and then_

_Spin me around till I fell asleep_

_Then up the stairs he would carry me_

_And I knew for sure…I was loved_

David looked about ready to start bawling his eyes out by the time he finished. His voice cracked slightly on the last note, and he cleared his throat. Tears streaked down his dark cheeks, leaving glistening trails of salt in their wake. Nick and Jeff harmonized together, picking up where David had stopped, Nick on the low harmony and Jeff on the melody.

_If I could get another chance_

_Another walk, another dance with him_

_I'd play a song that would never, ever end_

_How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again_

Nick took a shaky breath when they finished. He'd had to work extra hard to keep his voice from trembling. His heart wrenched horribly when he saw Kurt sob into Blaine's chest. It was a terrible sight. Kurt was always so composed, witty and happy. It was the façade that he put up. But now Kurt looked so raw, so exposed…Nick felt like his heart was breaking into tiny fragments. Seeking comfort, he wrapped an arm around Jeff's shoulders. They leaned into each other, relishing in the easy comfort that came with being best friends.

By this time, everyone was crying. Wes had glittering trails running down his cheeks, but he made a brave attempt to steady himself for his part. However, when he sang, his voice came out strained, and much higher than usual.

_I know I'm prayin' for much too much_

_But could you send back the man he loved_

_I know you don't do it usually_

_But Lord, he's dyin' to dance with his father again_

Wes had a couple of lines that he still had to do, but he couldn't anymore. He couldn't stand it. He succumbed to the flow of tears and buried his head into his hands, not wanting to show how much this was hurting him. Instantly, David embraced him. They stood, crying, half-holding each other, completely forgetting the remainder of the song.

Trent stepped up to fill in for Wes's last couple of lines, his tenor voice floating through the thick air.

_Every night I fall asleep_

_And this is all I ever dream_

Kurt's heart swelled from an odd mixture of sorrow and thankfulness. He detached himself from Blaine and slid closer to the bed. Tentatively, he reached out and took his father's unmoving hand. The whole hand-squeezing thing had worked last time. Maybe it would work this time too.

"Dad, you have to wake up." He gasped through his sobs, struggling to even out his breathing. Gently, he squeezed his father's hand, praying that he would wake up.

He regretted his feeble attempt to wake his father up. The silence was more pronounced than ever, aside from the occasional sniffles. Mostly, everyone couldn't stand to look at Burt, except for Cameron, who was staring in numb disbelief at Kurt's dad. Kurt could scarcely bare to see his dad on the brink of death. Wordlessly, he squeezed his dad's hand again. He waited for his dad to stir, twitch, move, anything. But nothing. There was no movement, no sounds, no reaction. The only thing that assured them Burt was still alive was the steady beating of his heart on the monitor.

Kurt dissolved into silent, grief-stricken tears, letting the salty water slide down his face and splash onto his collar. It just wasn't fair. After all they'd been through together, his dad had to be defeated…by _this_.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The angst. The ANGST! I'm not a naturally angsty person, so I'm curious to know whether this moved you at all. Let me know in a review!<strong>_

_**Also, if you want to see that Klaine party piece sooner rather than later, I would review ;) Reviews are amazingness, almost as amazing as Red Vines, and just as **chouette **(sweet)!**_

_**So tell me, guys...how do Klaine body shots sound? ;)**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	10. My Humps David's Party

**_Who watched Glee last night? Ohmigosh, the finale was so EPIC! I won't say anything, so as not to give away spoilers, but can I just say..Wow!_**

**_Okay, so you guys asked for it, and whatever the reader wants, the reader shall recieve: This is what crazy shiz was going on at David's party during Call Me When You're Sober. I had a really tough time writing this, to be honest. It was kind of awkward, if writing by yourself can be awkward. I hope I do Klaine justice. Let me know if you liked it, because it's YOUR fault that this is being posted. YOU! Yes, YOU!_**

**_So, this has almost no relation to the song My Humps. I just had to pick a song that was party-ish. So, it gets a mention, but other than that just ignore the song choice. Yep. Completely ignore it._**

**_Special thanks to foraworldundeserving for being my awesome beta, and MissMarauder93 for sharing some of her cool drabble ideas with me. You can thank her for the next couple of chapters._**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. There would be more Klisses if I did._**

* * *

><p>Kurt should've known better than to touch alcohol, especially after the Bambi and Rachel Berry incidents. But it was the week before finals, and the stress was getting to him. David sold the idea of his party so well, Kurt didn't even stop to think about the alcohol that might be involved. Plus, Blaine was going. Opportunities to see each other had been scarce as of late; they even had to skip a couple of their routine coffee dates. It was terrible. Kurt was certain he was suffering from a condition called 'Blaine withdrawal' by the end of the week. Blaine's presence at the party was the final straw for Kurt. He was going. And that was that.<p>

* * *

><p>When Kurt arrived with Blaine at ten, the party was already in full swing. Most of New Directions had come as well, excluding Lauren. Wes and David had rushed over to greet Kurt and Blaine the minute they walked in. The two self-proclaimed ninjas were smiling like the little kids they were, and were obviously ecstatic to be there. Every single one of the Warblers except Nick was having a great time, spread out between the spacious living room, home theatre, and 'sitting room' (which looked a lot like a second living room to Kurt).<p>

Loud rap music blared from an expensive-looking sound system, and Kurt was amused by the raunchy lyrics. He'd always assumed that the Warblers had good taste in music. Now, it seemed like they were all going out of their way to prove him wrong.

Blaine had disappeared quickly, returning moments later with two red plastic cups full of pink liquid. Kurt took one hesitantly, staring down the suspicious drink inside, which was most certainly spiked.

"Is drinking really a good idea?" Kurt asked worriedly, frowning at Blaine.

The curly-haired soloist shrugged. "Probably not. And I know it's right before finals. But I feel like I need a stress reliever. I don't plan on getting drunk, not after the Rachel thing…just buzzed enough to relax."

Reluctantly, Kurt admitted that getting buzzed was an appealing thought. The teachers at Dalton had been drowning them in work. It got so bad, even Warblers meetings had been cancelled for almost a whole week. That was how overwhelming the amount of work was. What was the harm in having a little fun for David's birthday? Staring into his cup, Kurt shook himself. _Screw this_, he thought, lifting the cup to take a drink.

* * *

><p>Almost two hours and four cups later, Kurt was wasted. Utterly, completely, one hundred percent wasted. He didn't know or care how it had happened. One cup of relaxed courage was followed by another, and another, and it felt good.<p>

He was dancing crazily with Blaine on the makeshift dance floor in David's living room when the Black Eyed Peas's My Humps came on. Kurt giggled at the suggestive lyrics, entirely uninhibited and gave Blaine a sloppy kiss, still swaying to the beat.

"YEAH, DIS IS MY _JAM!_" Jeff screamed, running to the middle of the dance floor, 'dancing' in a crazily wild fashion. "ME AND NICK HAVE AN AWESOME DANCE TO THIS SONG! NICK!"

Suddenly he stopped his spazzy movements and looked around. He blinked bemusedly a few times. "Where's Nick?" he whimpered, still frantically searching for his best friend. Dropping to his knees, he put his head in his hands and shrieked, "WHY ISN'T NICK HERE? THIS IS OUR _SONG_! IT'S NOT FAAAAAAIR!"

Jeff began sobbing hysterically, unnoticed by pretty much everyone else. He was interrupted by a half-naked Brittany.

"Are you a dolphin?" she asked, tipping her head inquisitively to one side.

Jeff stopped his bawling immediately, like a switch had just been flicked off. He stood up and gave her a weird look. "A _what?_"

"A dolphin." Brittany said with a smile. "'Cause you act like one."

"I don't know what a dolphin is." Jeff said, looking even more confused than usual. He looked around, became distracted by something shiny, and wandered away, wholly forgetting about being a dolphin.

* * *

><p>Somewhere down the line, all of the insane partying transpired into insane party <em>games<em>. They all sat in a ragged attempt at a circle, playing the classic drunk truth-or-dare game.

After he stopped giggling at the story of when Finn wet the bed, Blaine turned to Cameron and asked, "Camwen! What is yhur favrite TV show?"

"Gossip Girl!" Cameron answered happily, swaying in his tipsiness.

"Dude, that's gay." Puck said condescendingly. Surprisingly, the mohawked baritone was the most sober of all of them.

"It's not gay!" Cam instantly cried, his eyes widening in horror. "It's a beautiful and emotional show where they take deep journeys of self-exploration! You wouldn't understand! You just don't get how wonderful Gossip Girl is!"

"Dude, chill." Puck said, rolling his eyes. "Okay, Garglers, who's next?"

"Ooh!" Cam squealed in a way that was undeniably gay. It was hard to believe that he was straight sometimes. "Thaddeus! Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Thad said, a little louder than usual. His eyes were glazed, and he had a giant goofy grin plastered on his face.

"I dare you…to go in a closet for seven minutes with _her_!" Cam pointed across the circle at Santana, who immediately got a shark-like grin on her face.

"Wanky." She said, standing. "I like the way you think, prep boy. Come on, sexy."

She grabbed Thad's wrist and pulled him into a coat closet with her.

There were several loud banging noises after the door closed, and one really loud _THUMP!_ The silence that followed was eerie, and disturbing. Everyone's eyes were transfixed on the door, unable to look away, eagerly waiting to see the result.

"TIME!" Wes shouted at exactly seven minutes, one eye on his watch.

The door banged open, and Thad stumbled out. His hair was mussed and sticking up, the top three buttons of his shirt appeared to have been popped off, and pink lip stains trailed on his cheek, neck, and collar. He looked rather pleased with himself. Santana followed him out, dabbing at the corner of her mouth with one pinky. Giving the council member a flirty wave, she took her place in the circle next to Brittany, a smug expression gracing her features.

After Thad had settled himself again, he turned to Jeff, who had so far made his way through the game unscathed. "Jeff, truth or dare?"

"Trufe, duhhh." Jeff slurred, saying it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay. Jeff, do you love Nick as more than a friend?"

"Yah." Jeff said without hesitation, examing the nails on his right hand.

Thad frowned, confused. "Well, have you ever told him?"

That caught Jeff off guard. The blonde Warbler froze, gaped, and then stood up. "Ohmigosh I haff t'go tell Nicky I luhve him!"

He ran from the room, pulling out his phone. Thad didn't stop the game for an instant, turning to Kurt in Jeff's absence. "So Kurt…truth or dare?"

Kurt glanced at Blaine before saying, "Weeeell…Dare."

Thad smirked. "I dare you to do a body shot off of Blaine."

The circle went quiet. Then –

"WANKY WANKY!"

"Shut up, Satan." Quinn snapped, looking pissed for no apparent reason.

Despite his drunken state, Kurt was blushing furiously. "But – but what if I don't wanna?"

"Why would you not want to?" Brittany asked curiously, looking over at Blaine. "I would totally do it if he wasn't such a dolphin."

"Fiiiiine." Kurt said in a whiny tone.

David produced a bottle of Don Eduardo Silver Tequila from nowhere, and Wes returned from the kitchen with a lime wedge, a salt shaker, and a shot glass. Kurt gulped, eyeing the objects with trepidation. Could he really go through with it?

* * *

><p>Of everything that happened that night, it was the body shot that Blaine recalled the clearest. He wasn't sure if he had begun to sober up at that point (unlikely) or if it was the fact that the hottest male on the planet was licking salt off the side of his neck.<p>

Kurt's tongue came into contact with the taut flesh of Blaine's neck, and his teeth nipped just enough to send shivers down Blaine's spine. An involuntary groan escaped from Blaine's mouth before he could stop it. Kurt raised his head, and gray-blue eyes met hazel. The next instant, Kurt had his fingers laced in Blaine's hair and was kissing him with a passion. Blaine's hands shot to his boyfriend's hips and pulled him closer, relishing in the fiery contact. He nipped at Kurt's bottom lip and the younger boy let out a moan, forcefully rolling them over so that Blaine was on top.

"YEAH, KURTIE BOY! GET SOME!" David screamed at the top of his lungs, jumping up and down.

"_Freaky boys_!" Santana yelled from her seat. Beside her, Brittany cat-called, cheering them on. Finn looked disturbed. He covered his eyes with his hands and turned away completely, wishing he could un-see what he just seen. He was officially scarred for life.

* * *

><p>Kurt woke up the next morning to find himself half-laying on Blaine with the most massive of hangovers <em>ever<em>. He had somehow ended up passing out right smack in the middle of David's giant kitchen. Groaning, he raised his head off the floor, a horrid pounding already beating like a drum in his temple. He could hear the sounds of people waking up in the rooms near them, and some did not sound happy at all. Beneath him, Blaine stirred, rubbing his eyes. Kurt struggled to remember what had happened last night. All he knew was that he had gotten way too drunk. Practically everything else was a blur of loud noises and too much tequila.

"Blaine…" Kurt murmured, putting a hand on his pale forehead, "What happened last night? Do you remember? Did we do anything?"

He looked up in time to see Blaine flush embarrassedly. His eyes widened. "Oh god, Blaine, what did we do?"

"Nothing bad!" Blaine assured him, sitting up fully.

"So what happened?" Kurt demanded.

"Well…it's really Thad's fault. But, uh, we were playing truth or dare…"

* * *

><p><em><strong>...I'm really weary of this one, guys. It's the makeout scene. Considering I've never even been kissed, this is a stretch for me, and the closest to smut I've ever written. I feel like such a baby penguin.<strong>_

_**So, did it do your sick fantasies justice? ;) Let me know if it was good or not!**_

_**Reviews are as marvelous as Klisses.**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	11. Crush

**_Okay, so this chapter was prompted by MissMarauder93. It picks up right where Call Me When You're Sober left off. Gosh, that chapter sparked a lot of reaction, didn't it? First the Kurt party thing and now this. ;) Drama!_**

**_I would compare this chapter to one of those scenes in movies where music is playing, and it shows time being passed. A...montage? I don't know what it's called. But wherever song lyrics appear in this chapter, think of it as a time skip._**

**_So I'm going on a roadtrip with my family, and won't be able to post anything for a few days. Sorry! Leave me lots of prompts so that I'll have a lot to focus on when I get back! Seriously, though, I am running out of ideas really fast. Prompts are very welcome (just like reviews. ;) )._**

**_As always, thanks to foraworldundeserving for beta-ing this chapter. =D_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, I would already have my dream car, because I would be insanely rich. . Not fair._**

* * *

><p>"Love you too."<p>

Nick hung up the phone, setting it down on his bedside table as carefully as if it were made of glass. He had successfully hidden his crush on Jeff for nearly half a year, and this was not the kind of stress he needed so close to finals. The truth was, it hurt. He desperately wanted Jeff to reciprocate his feelings. Hearing Jeff say "I love you" was something he'd fantasized about multiple times, but he didn't want to hear it while Jeff was in a drunken stupor.

Lately, Jeff had started questioning his sexuality. Nick had been trying to quash his emotions for some time, and when Jeff admitted to being bi-curious, he couldn't help but dream a little. Still, he would be absolutely mortified if Jeff ever found out that he was interested in more than an epic best friend bromance. They had been best friends since middle school, and as far back as Nick could remember, Jeff had been interested in girls. This was a turn of events he couldn't quite wrap his Dalton-educated mind around.

Feeling the sadness slowly building up inside of him, Nick snatched his iPod up and put in his headphones, wanting to drown himself in music. Music was his escape. He couldn't count the number of times he'd turned to music therapy when he was having depressive moments (mostly about how he was convinced Jeff would never like him). He turned the volume to an inordinate level and pressed the shuffle button. The next instant, he fell back onto his pillow with a groan, covering his face with his hands. _Just my luck_, Nick thought bitterly, listening to the song with a bitter taste in his mouth. It was practically the _definition_ of his outlook right now.

_I hung up the phone tonight_

_Something happened for the first time, deep inside_

_It was a rush, what a rush_

'_Cause the possibility that you could ever feel the same way about me_

_It's just too much, just too much_

_You don't like Jeff_, Nick told himself sternly, glaring at his ceiling. _He's your best friend, and you're not going to be the idiot that messes that up_. Yet, as he told himself that he was going to get over his silly infatuation, he couldn't ignore the heavy weight settling in chest. But he did his best at giving up his obsession, desperately trying to turn his back on his tumultuous emotions.

_Why do I keep running from the truth?_

_All I ever think about is you_

_You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized_

_And I just got to know_

It was the week after David's party. They were taking oral finals in French. The teacher was calling them out of the room one by one to speak privately with him for the test. Nick had already gone, as had Kurt, who was currently bending over Jeff's desk. The countertenor was talking to Jeff with an irritated expression, while Jeff frantically scribbled notes down in his notebook. Nick knew it was kind of creepy to just stare, but he couldn't help himself. This wouldn't be a problem if Jeff was ugly.

Suddenly Jeff looked up, and their eyes met. Nick hastily covered up his longing with an impish smile. He looked down at his French textbook and pretended to be interested in the page he was reading, even though he wasn't looking at it at all.

"Hey."

Nick jumped violently, upsetting his stack of books and nearly falling out of his chair. Sheepishly, he glanced up and saw Jeff's amused expression.

"Don't creep up on me like that." Nick admonished sternly, frowning.

"I can't help it." Jeff said with a cheeky grin. "I'm just awesome like that."

Nick simply rolled his eyes and turned back to his book and stared at the page, still not even seeing it. Jeff leaned forward and Nick's breath caught a little. He clenched his teeth together and told himself to stop acting like a teenage girl.

"So…" Jeff said, raising an eyebrow, "you can read French upside-down now?"

Nick did a double-take, realizing for the first time that his textbook was indeed turned the wrong way. He swore under his breath. Reaching out, he smacked Jeff upside the head.

"Stop being a smart ass."

Jeff sat back on his heels, his mouth falling open in mock offense. "Ouch." He said dramatically, putting one hand over his heart. "That's cold, Nick. Just cold."

They fake-glared at each other for a few moments before cracking up, laughing about nothing. It felt _good_. Nick loved just hanging out with Jeff. Conversations came easy, and it never got awkward. Inwardly, he played with the idea of confessing his feelings to Jeff. Then he shook himself, remembering that he was trying to dismiss those emotions. He couldn't torture himself with these stupid fantasies. And yet, as he laughed with his best friend, he also couldn't help but wonder if Jeff felt the same way.

_Do you ever think, when you're all alone,_

_All that we could be, where this thing could go?_

_Am I crazy or falling in love?_

_Is it real or just another crush?_

_Do you catch a breath when I look at you?_

_Are you holding back, the way I do?_

'_Cause I'm tryin', tryin' to walk away_

_But I know this crush ain't goin' away_

"Are you okay?" Jeff asked from his bed, looking up from his book.

Nick started. "Um, yeah, fine." _Just helplessly pining over you and your hotness. _

"Don't give me that crap." Jeff looked amused and exasperated at the same time. "I've known you for six years. I can tell when you're not 'fine.'"

"Unfortunately." Nick muttered under his breath. "I guess the pressure of finals is just getting to me. I've been off the last couple of days. It's nothing."

"Hmm, okay then." Jeff said. He set down his novel and stretched luxuriously. The fabric of his t-shirt rode up an inch or so, revealing smooth, pale skin. Nick swiftly averted his eyes, cursing himself. _You _so_ were not just creeping on your totally hot best friend. No you were not_.

"When you feel like telling me what's _actually_ bothering you, I'll be willing to listen." Jeff said, falling back onto his comforter. "I got your back, man."

"Okay. But I'm telling you now – I'm fine."

Nick sighed quietly, picking a spot on the wall of his dorm and glaring at it. He had struggled vainly with the hope of getting over his crush over the summer. That bubble of hope had quickly been popped, as he remembered the fact that the Warblers had pool parties every two weeks during the summer at _someone's_ house. Nope. There was no way he was going to get over it. Aside from the pool dilemma, he and Jeff were at each other's houses all the time, and it would be weird if he decided to stop that now. Plus, he wasn't going to give up an opportunity to spend more time with Jeff.

_Does it ever cross you mind_

_When we're hanging, spendin' time, boy,_

_Are we just friends? _

_Is there more? Is there more?_

_See, it's a chance we gotta take_

'_Cause I believe that we can make this into_

_Something that will last forever, forever_

Jeff looked over at Nick, a smile plastered on his face. It was the middle of June, and summer was upon at long last. It had been well worth the wait, in his opinion. Almost as soon as school had been let out, he and Nick had planned a sleepover at his house. Jeff's parents were never home, so basically they had an entire mansion to themselves. They were currently sprawled on the white leather couch, watching _The Resident Evil_ with a bunch of popcorn and other junk foods surrounding them.

Since he'd already seen the movie a billion times, Jeff wasn't really paying attention to it. Instead, he was focusing on his best friend, who was absorbed in the story on the TV screen. He had been going through personal changes lately, the biggest one being officially deciding that he was bisexual. Well, he wasn't exactly bisexual. He was _Nick-_sexual. Nick was the only guy he'd ever been attracted to, and at first it had been weird. He hadn't been used to the funny feeling inside one gets when they have a crush. But somehow it had happened. He knew that Nick was gay, but he reasoned that if Nick was interested, he would've said something by now. Jeff's eyes were drawn to Nick's lips, which were slightly parted. Jeff licked his own lips, imagining what Nick's would taste like. Would they be soft? Somehow, he knew they would be.

Suddenly he stopped himself. What the hell was he doing? It was _wrong_ to be wondering what it would be like to kiss Nick. Wrong. Messed up. Never going to happen. He couldn't creep on Nick like that, it wasn't fair to either of them. But he couldn't help himself. It was impossible _not_ to like Nick as more than a friend. Did Nick feel the same way? Jeff was afraid that he didn't. He was afraid of rejection, of ruining the easy friendship that they had.

But then what if he _did_ ask Nick out? Would Nick say yes? Jeff had never been one to shy away from a challenge, especially when the reward was something he so badly wanted. He knew he couldn't play this game of hiding his crush forever. Eventually he would cave in. An image flashed in his mind of him and Nick, together, boyfriends. A smile turned up the corner of his mouth. Maybe it was worth the risk.

_Do you ever think, when you're all alone,_

_All that we could be, where this thing could go?_

_Am I crazy or falling in love?_

_Is it real or just another crush?_

_Do you catch a breath when I look at you?_

_Are you holding back, the way I do?_

'_Cause I'm tryin', tryin' to walk away_

_But I know this crush ain't goin' away_

Nick pulled back from the kiss with a silly, delighted smile spreading across his face. Jeff smiled back at him, slightly breathless. They had officially gotten together at the end of the summer, and Nick still couldn't believe his luck. Every time they kissed, it was like their first kiss, with all of the hypothetical fireworks and passion and giddiness.

No one had been particularly surprised when they got together officially. In fact, Wes had shrieked – _shrieked _– in delight and done a victory sprinkler dance.

"Ha ha!" he yelled, now doing the cabbage patch. "David, you owe me twenty bucks! _I told you so_!"

Nick flushed a little, watching in amusement as David shelled out twenty bucks for his lost bet. He had suspected something of this nature had been going on. After all, they had _all_ taken bets on when Kurt and Blaine would finally become a couple. Jeff, meanwhile, grabbed Nick's hand and pulled him in for another quick peck.

"Let them tease." He murmured. "They're just jealous."

Nick smiled into the kiss.

For that moment, he swore he was the happiest person on the planet.

'_Cause I'm tryin', tryin' to walk away_

_But I know this crush ain't going away_

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><p><strong><em>A little angsty, a little fluffy, a lot of tumultuous, chaotic teenage emotions! Those freaky boys, always getting up to dramatic stuff. What, do they think they're on a TV show or something?<em>**

**_Reviews are awesome. That is all._**

**_Leave me prompts! =D Please?_**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	12. Dog Days Are Over

**_This chapter is for Avalonfreak, who said that I should do a Thad-centered chapter that was silly and cracky. So, here's your Thad-centered, AU, completely silly and random crack. Enjoy! I'm serious about the prompts thing, guys. Because my brain doesn't go on forever, and I'm serioulsy running out of ideas fast. Waaaaaaay fast._**

**_Thank you to foraworldundeserving for being my awesome beta! =) I hope Riker messages you again today ;)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. (That's absurd! ;) )_**

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><p>"I don't know about this." Kurt said worriedly, biting his lip.<p>

"I'm with Kurt on this one." Thad jumped in quickly, looking up from his iced espresso.

The Warblers were having a coffee outing at the Lima Bean one summer day in early July. Well, more like Wes and David, being the creepers they were, had snooped around until they found out when Klaine was going for coffee, and then brought the usual group along. But still. It counted.

So here they were at the Lima Bean, discussing their summer plans. The conversation had fizzled out fast, as no one was really _doing_ anything. It was kind of sad how, even in summer, they couldn't escape Ohio. That had been when Trent had suggested they come over to his family's stables to go horseback riding.

Trent pouted, turning on Thad. "_Thaaaaaad_," he whined, "you're supposed to be helping me convince Kurt!"

David looked up, smirking. "Oh, come on Trent. We all know that if anyone's going to convince Kurt, it's going to be Blaine."

"I resent that." Kurt objected. "Blaine knows as well as I do that absolutely _no one_ controls Kurt Elizabeth Hummel."

"True." Jeff said, grinning, "But I'm sure Blaine can be very…persuasive." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, his voice laced none-too-delicately with meaning.

"It's _got_ to be his eyebrows." Wes chipped in, keeping a completely serious face. "They're so…_triangular_!"

"Okay, can we please stop talking about the shape of my eyebrows and get back to the subject on hand?" Blaine asked, looking thoroughly put out.

"It'll be fun, Kurt." Cameron picked up the conversation as if it had never been interrupted with talk of Blaine's caterpillars – er, _eyebrows_.

Kurt glanced hesitantly at Blaine, who gave his knee a squeeze under the table. "Well…I suppose I could try it."

"Kurt!" Thad groaned, realizing that he'd lost his only ally.

"Sorry, Thad." Kurt said, taking a sip of his mocha, "But why do you not want to go so badly? I'm just nervous because I've never done it before."

"Uh…" Thad glanced around feverishly, feeling a little hot around the collar, trying to play for time, "I guess horses just don't interest me."

"You mock us, sir!" Nick said indignantly.

"Okay, seriously, stop teasing me about that! That was _one time_!"

* * *

><p>"Here, Kurt, you can take Cinder. She's our gentlest mare." Trent said, holding the reins of a dapple gray pony.<p>

Thad turned away as Trent instructed Kurt how to mount the gray animal. He was hoping that he wouldn't have to ride at all. At coffee the other day…well, he hadn't lied, really, he had merely glossed over the more trivial details. Like the fact that he was terrified of horses. Once when he was ten, a horse had thrown him from its back, and ever since he had onto a fear of almost everything horse-related. He'd never told anybody about it, not even Wes, David, or Blaine. But horses scared him out of his wits, and he didn't want anything to do with them. He didn't even want to be within ten feet of them.

Thad glared at nothing in particular, cursing the other Warblers for talking him into this, and was just considering faking illness when Trent approached him, now leading a glossy black horse. Thad fought back the urge to run away as fast as he could.

"Hey Thad, you should take Aster here. She's very gentle; never goes over a canter." Trent said cheerfully.

Thad gulped, looking cautiously up at the mare. The freaking thing was bigger than he was! He was afraid to look it in the eye, in case it charged at him or something. The word _canter_ stood out in his mind. Yet another thing he was deathly afraid of.

Trent casually looked around before lowering his voice and saying, "Look, Thad, if you want to leave, that's fine. I'll cover for you."

Thad felt a rush of gratitude sweep through him briefly. It was quickly replaced by dread as he realized that he could never slip anything past Wes and David. This was a total lose-lose situation for him.

"I'm fine." He said confidently, effectively hiding the coward within that wanted to bolt.

Almost reluctantly, Trent handed over Aster's reins. Thad was saved from any further interrogation by Blaine, who trotted up on a chestnut-colored horse.

"Hey Thad." He greeted, smiling. "So Trent, can me and Kurt take one of the trails down to the river? Oh, and you might want to stop Wes and David before they hurt someone, including themselves."

Behind him, Wes and David were making their identical roan horses chase each other around the padlock, making the others scatter in their haste to get out of the way. Trent sighed and quickly mounted his own horse, cantering over to break up the chase.

"Thad, are you okay?" Blaine asked concernedly, his face slightly in shadow.

"Fine." Thad said, a little too quickly to be plausible.

To avoid further discussion, he grabbed the side of Aster's saddle and mounted smoothly, pulling himself upright. He sat rigidly on the leather, holding the reins so tightly that his knuckles began to turn white. Knowing that horses could sense tension and emotions, he tried to relax, loosening his grip on the reins and leaning forward a little. With a gentle dig of his heels, he urged Aster into a walk, slowly going over to join the others.

By the time he joined them, they had already decided that, since it was so hot, they would join Kurt and Blaine at the river (even though they'd all already seen Klaine in action – and it wasn't an experience they wanted a repeat of).

* * *

><p>Up until that point, everything that been going perfectly fine. It had gone off without a hitch, and despite his misgivings, Thad was beginning to enjoy himself. He should've known that it was too good to last very long.<p>

It all started to go downhill when they headed for the river…

* * *

><p>With the energy of hyperactive 5 year-olds, Wes and David took off at a fast canter, kicking up the dust on the trail. While trying to master his nerves, Thad had accidentally let the reins go slack. When Wes and David raced away, Aster let out a whinny of excitement and plunged forward. Thad barely had time to grab a hold around her neck and cling on for dear life. Terror was shooting through his veins in the form of adrenaline, and the girlish scream that he let out was – thankfully – muffled by the whistling wind. The horse's warm back beneath him was rocking so violently and unevenly that he was certain he was going to be thrown off entirely.<p>

The sound of splashes told Thad they'd reached the river. The next instant, his horse stopped short. The sudden halt in motion completely threw Thad – literally. He choked back a yell as his weight traitorously unbalanced him, and he slid sideways.

BOOM!

It was too warm to be chilled by the sudden dunk, but shivers of trauma went up his spine as he gingerly stood up. He shook himself like a wet dog, scattering droplets. Disgustedly, he looked down and examined his drenched Bermuda shorts and sopping white t-shirt. Lovely.

The sounds of clapping came from behind him. Thad turned around to see Wes and David standing knee-deep in the river (and completely dry, he noticed), looking greatly amused.

"That was quite a show." Wes said in mock admiration.

Thad struggled with the urge to smack that stupid, smug look on Wes's face. Acting on instinct, his hand struck the glassy surface of the water, and the next second Wes was spitting out water, dripping wet. David cracked up at Wes's hair, which had been slicked flat to his head. Wes glared over at his supposed 'best friend.'

"Oh, you're gunna get it, Hughes!" he growled, crouching over the water.

"Bring it, Mont-gavel-ery!" David taunted back, copying Wes's aggressive stance.

"WATER FIGHT!" Nick yelled, sliding from his horse with a splash.

The next few minutes whirled by in sparkling flashes of water, It was everyone against everyone, every Warbler for himself. It was the perfect, cheesy Kodak moment. At first, Thad teamed up with David to focus on ultimately destroying Wes until he was distracted by Blaine splashing him from behind. He turned his attention to the junior, diving back into the battle.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cameron send a gigantic wave towards Kurt. As the water hit, Kurt shrieked something about hairspray and designer something-or-other. His clear blue eyes narrowed, and he tackled Cam in retaliation. Beside them, Nick jumped on Jeff's back, laughing. Jeff held him up for a few seconds before falling into the water, sending them both sideways. Thad wanted to roll his eyes as they emerged with enormous, silly smiles on their faces. He almost wished he'd gotten in on Wes's bet against David; Jeff and Nick were _so_ going to get together before school started again.

Thad was pretty sure that Blaine won their mini water war, but was in too good of a mood to care. It was pretty definitive after Blaine dunked him underwater and held him there until he surrendered. After a while, everyone stumbled to the pebbly shore and collapsed, gasping and smiling. Thad ran his fingers through his short, knotted hair, wholly forgetting about his earlier horse scare. A few lazy minutes passed. The afternoon sun beat down, and Thad allowed his eyes flutter shut, letting the sun dry out his clothes.

He was still pretty much soaked by the time they started to head back, but the warmth of the day was helping. This time when he was riding, he made sure to hold on tight to the reins, keeping Aster at a steady trot.

* * *

><p>"So," Trent said when the horses were back in their respective stalls, "d'you guys want to come and see our newest colt? The little guy was just born a few days ago, and he's really cute."<p>

Thad eagerly agreed. He would never admit it aloud, but he was an absolute sucker for baby animals, even horses. Baby animals were just so darn adorable. So he, Kurt, Blaine, and a few others followed Trent into a stall that was slightly larger than the others. When Trent unlatched the door, a spindly bundle of a colt unsteadily walked over, looking curiously at his visitors with a bright sort of curiousness.

"Aww!" Thad said, stepping out from behind Trent to admire the tiny animal, "He's so cute. And little!"

Thad took a half-step closer, and the movement alarmed the colt. Suddenly, his eyes widened and he whinnied in alarm. Then, with a spark of bravery for such a small creature, the colt put his head down and charged straight for Thad. Thad let out a high-pitched, little girl-ish shriek, turning and running from the stall. He vaguely heard the others calling after him, but fear of all things horse made him ignore them. He didn't stop fleeing until he reached his car, puffing.

Well, he thought ruefully, aside from the fact that the others would never let him live this down, at least his clothes were pretty much dry. Oh, joy.

Just as this thought was fully formed in his mind, Wes and David strolled up to him. Internally, he groaned, only beginning to imagine what teasing was coming his way.

"Why didn't you just tell us you were afraid of horses?" David asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

Thad gave the dark-skinned council member a look.

"Okay, I see why you didn't tell us." David conceded with a grin, "But still. We're your best friends. We wouldn't have teased you about it _that_ much."

"Yeah, totally." Wes added. "We wouldn't have teased you that much…Horse Whisperer."

"Horse Whisperer?" Thad exclaimed incredulously. "That's a terrible nickname! C'mon, guys! Cut me some slack here!"

"At least it's not as bad as Gavel Man, or The Gaveler." Wes pointed out.

"Wes, nobody calls you that to your face except me." David said. "Besides, Thad, you needed a nickname. You're the only Warbler who doesn't have one."

"But – !"

"No 'buts'…Horse Whisperer." Wes interrupted, unable to keep from cracking a grin.

Thad sighed resignedly. Once Wes and David latched on to a name, they stuck with it for a while. Horse Whisperer…he snorted, rolling his eyes. Well, at least it wasn't as bad as The Gaveler.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Ohh, Thad. Someone should put a My Little Pony on his bathroom counter and see how he reacts. Just saying, that would be freakin' hilarious. Maybe I'll use that in my next chapter...hmmm.<em>**

**_REVIEW! Or I'll - I'll...cry...hysterically :'(_**

**_And leave me prompts! Lots and lots of them! Or just leave me your favorite song, and I'll create a story out of it. Whichever you prefer._**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	13. Come Together

_**GleekFab4lover left me a prompt telling me that I 'needed' to do a drabble based off of a Beatles song. So, here you go!**_

_**Let me just say that this is the crackiest piece of writing I have ever even READ. This is unrealistic crack that makes no sense and clips along at lightning speed like a super-confused ninja. For reals. GleekFab4lover, I'm gunna go out on a limb and say this probably isn't what you were expecting! ;) But siriusly, if you don't like this, I would be more than happy to pick a different song and do a more serious drabble.**_

_**Before you start reading this, look up the lyrics to Come Together. I assure you, you will have NO IDEA what is going on if you do not look up the lyrics. So, go do that. NOW!**_

_**As foraworldundeserving so eloquently put it, "Freaking weird unnatural no-real-explanation-for it unrealistic STRANGE crack FTW!"**_

_**Oh, and by the way **_**a very gleeky witch**_**, I did see your PLURAL prompts ;) You can expect to see those soon...possibly something about a girlfriend? ;)**_

_**Long Author's Note is long O_o**_

_**Diaclaimer: I do not own Glee. Kurt would get all the solos if I did.**_

* * *

><p>It all started out pretty normal. Kurt and Blaine had decided to have a Harry Potter marathon, ending with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. It was a Friday night, and they hadn't hung out that much recently. It was almost midnight when they fell asleep together on Blaine's bed, cuddling unashamedly.<p>

Kurt had woken up at around three in the morning to take a bathroom break. Standing in the door of Blaine's bathroom, he turned and looked fondly over at his boyfriend, who was still sleeping peacefully. Blaine was so cute and peaceful when he slept. Kurt smiled serenely, turning to the sink to wash his hands. Suddenly, a noise came from behind him.

"Ju ju bees."

Kurt frowned and turned around in confusion. Ju ju _whats_? He looked over at Blaine. Blaine rolled over in his sleep, snoring softly. Maybe he had imagined the sound.

Suddenly, Blaine groaned and said louder, "Ju ju bees! I want ju ju bees!"

_What the hell?_ Kurt watched Blaine for a few more minutes, utterly thrown by what had just happened, but apparently Blaine was done muttering about ju ju whatsits in his sleep. With a certain amount of trepidation, Kurt returned to Blaine's bed. He forgot all about the older boy's strange mutterings when said boy wrapped an arm around his waist and cuddled his face into his neck. Kurt grinned, closing his eyes and slipping back into a deep slumber.

But things weren't going to go back to normal. The next day at Warbler practice, things just kept getting weirder.

"I think I should grow my hair down to my knees. What do you think?" Trent was asking the few Warblers near him. "I think that would look good. Yeah, I'm gunna do that."

Beside him, Thad was in a state of panic. "I'M NOT WEARING SHOESHINE!" he shrieked, freaking out, looking down, horrified, at his shoes. "WHY AM I NOT WEARING SHOESHINE?"

"Who wants to play toe jam football?" Cameron asked no one in particular, looking excited. He deflated when everyone ignored him. "Anyone? No? Aww, man!"

"Hey, David! Let's shoot some Coca Cola!" Wes said eagerly, turning to his right to look at his best friend.

"Okay!" David agreed, pulling two bottles of Coke from his school bag. Wes produced two shot-glasses from nowhere, and poured an equal amount of Coke into both of them.

"Cheers!" Wes said joyously, tipping back his 'shot.'

"Hey, wait a second…" Nick said, gaping at Jeff. "I _know_ you! And _you_ know _me_! Dude, that's freaking awesome. We _know_ each other! Cool, right?"

Jeff took one look at him and burst into tears. "Nick…" he sobbed, his face in his hands, "You just got to be free, Nick! Be free! FREE!"

"What's a bag production?" Nelson asked randomly, looking over at Kurt and Blaine.

Kurt just ogled at the African-American Warbler, wondering if everybody except himself and Blaine had completely lost their heads.

"A bag production is a walrus gumboot, _DUH_!" Blaine said, rolling his eyes at Nelson. "Honestly, you're so stupid sometimes, Nel!"

Kurt was just about to seriously consider knocking the other Warblers unconscious when suddenly Blaine stretched, arching his back. Something went _POP_ and Blaine's eyes widened in unexpected fright.

"MY SPINE!" He wailed, "IT CRACKED!"

"Oh my _god_." Kurt said exasperatedly. Why hadn't the Dalton administrators warned him about this insanity before he paid his tuition?

"David!" Wes grabbed David's arm, looking positively alarmed.

"What is it?" David asked, concerned for his friend.

"I…I…" Wes gulped loudly, "I have FEET! BELOW MY KNEES! THAT'S NOT NATURAL!" he paused, thinking, "It's not natural, is it?"

"It's natural." David assured him, hiding a smile.

"Oh good." Wes sighed in relief. "Whew! That was a close one!"

"Kurt," Blaine said, giving his boyfriends his adorable puppy dog eyes, "I want to hold you. In the armchair. Can I please?" he stuck out his bottom lip in a pout, knowing that his pout was irresistible.

Kurt was just about to accept the offer of cuddling with his supermegafoxyawesomehot boyfriend when the cursed lunch bell rang.

"Everybody come together!" Wes called commandingly from the doorway, his arms crossed. "Follow me into the lunch room!"

"I'm on a roller coaster!" Cameron called gleefully from where he had jumped onto Trent's back. "Wheeee!"

Disgustedly, Trent shook the other boy off. "You freak! Never touch me again! Ugh! How dare you…_taint me_! I don't want your disease! This is an early warning: Never do that again!"

Cameron was saved from more terror by Thad, who had just bought a bottle of water from the a la carte. He was staring, transfixed, at it, apparently horrified at the clear liquid instead. Personally, Kurt couldn't see anything wrong with it. It looked like a perfectly normal bottle of water.

"My water…" Thad whimpered, "It's _muddy_! I have _muddy water_! WHY? WHY CRUEL WORLD?"

"Anyone want a mojo?" Trent interrupted, holding up a blue pitcher he appeared to have conjured from out of nowhere.

"What's a mojo?" Kurt asked, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion.

"A mojo is just a mojito without the 'ito' and with an 'o' silly!" Trent said happily, pouring himself a mojo. Kurt still really wasn't sure what a mojo was.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Nick said, cutting across Jeff. He looked terribly confused. "So, you're telling me that one…and one…and one…is _three_?"

Jeff nodded seriously. Nick's jaw dropped open. "You're kidding!"

"Not kidding." Jeff assured him. "I never knew that until a little while ago, did you? It's so weird, huh?"

"You're _so_ good-looking." Blaine said seriously to Kurt, his hazel eyes round. "Honestly. You're hot. You're _smoking_ hot. But…" his goofy smile wavered, turning into a tiny pout, "You're so hard to see sometimes!"

Kurt let out an exasperated noise, shutting his eyes. A massive headache was already pulsing somewhere around his temple, and lunch wasn't even half over yet.

"GROUP HUG IN THE SHOWER TONIGHT!" someone yelled.

With a slam, Kurt banged his head against the lunch table, groaning. This could be a _very_ long day.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Aww, poor Kurt. He's surrounded by those crazies from Dalton Academy!<em>**

**_I would like to add that I have no idea what bag production, walrus gumboot, and a bunch of other things in the song are. And I can't be bothered to find out. So, if they seem out of context, that's why! :)_**

**_Reviews are as awesome as mojos. ;)_**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	14. Girlfriend

**A very gleeky witch _requested that I do a chapter with David or Wes getting a girlfriend that was horrible. Well, here it is! Also, _MissMarauder93_, you said something about Wes comforting David after a hard break up...well, maybe you'll change your mind after you read this. Maybe not. We'll see. But, uh, it might not work out. Just saying._**

**_On a completely different but somewhat related note, I was thinking of doing a oneshot Brittana/Santitany fic based off the song According to You, in which Brittany sings that song in Glee club right after her break up with Artie. Obviously not canon, but whatevs. So what do you guys think? Would any of you read it? Let me know, I'd really like you input!_**

**_I love writing Wavid bromance. They have the most epic bromance ever. Siriusly. I love Wevid bromance almost as much as I love Wavel (Wes/Gavel). But not quite. Because Wavel reigns supreme over all couples except Klaine. Because, let's be honest. Freaking nothing tops Klaine._**

**_Okay, going to stop now and let you read the story. =)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I never would've allowed Quinn to get that hideous haircut she was sporting in the second half of New York. Sorry, Q, but your long locks are prettier!_**

* * *

><p>"Baby – Baby, wait!" David cursed as the line went dead. He glared at his phone for a minute before chucking it at the wall, disregarding any damage it might cause to his dorm room.<p>

"Sarah?" Wes asked knowingly, still casually reading his book.

"Shut up!" David groaned, covering his face with his hands. "I don't even know what I did this time! She just started yelling about executing trees and how I don't protect the environment and what an awful boyfriend I am!" he sighed desolately. "I don't understand women. That's it – I'm officially going gay."

"I'm sure Kurt and Blaine will be delighted to know that you have finally admitted to being gay. Really, we all knew you were a closet case." Wes said, calmly turning a page.

David glared at his best friend. "This isn't funny! How do I fix this?"

Wes sighed and took off his reading glasses, setting them on his bedside table. "Why don't you just break up with her? That would be a lot easier. Seriously, I'm not even sure if she likes you. This is like the third time this week she's gotten mad at you for nothing. And it's only _Tuesday_."

"I _can't _break up with her!" David said agitatedly. "I care about her, even if she is the most annoying twit on the planet. Plus, I can't handle it when girls cry. I _hate_ it when girls cry, especially because of _me_!"

"Oh dear." Wes said, shaking his head at his friend's hopeless state. "If I were you, I would suck it up and end it already."

David groaned loudly. "Screw girls!"

"Well, I know you've been trying," Wes said sympathetically, fighting a smile, "but we both know you haven't found one who likes you _that_ much."

"Screw you!"

"Sorry Dave, but unless Evelyn's interested in a threesome…"

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

><p>"Hey, Kurt!" Wes called, jogging up to the countertenor.<p>

"Hi Wes." Kurt said, ruffling around for something in his messenger bag. "What can I do for you?"

"I may need a _tiny_ favor…" Wes said, his mouth curving into an evil smile.

"Oh dear Grilled Cheesus." Kurt looked up at the council member, exasperation showing clearly on his face.

"It's not that bad." Wes assured him quickly. "In fact, I think you'll like it. It's nothing life-threatening, I promise."

"What a relief." Kurt said sarcastically. "So what is it?"

"Well…David's having problems with his girlfriend, and…"

* * *

><p>Wes banged his gavel down commandingly. "This emergency Warbler's meeting has been called to order."<p>

"Um, why are Kurt and David missing? And why is Blaine filling in for David? For that matter, if _Kurt_ is gone, why is Blaine still here?" Cameron asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Kurt is keeping David occupied at the moment, and if a council member is absent, the lead soloist automatically fills in." Wes said smoothly. "Now, listen – we all know about Sarah."

A collective groan issued from the Warblers, and many started complaining about how awful Sarah was. Wes could barely contain his snickers. He had known it would be easy to get everyone on board, even if they didn't know it yet.

"We all know Sarah." Wes continued, talking over the din, "And David is having a hard time coming to his senses about her. So, Warblers Blaine, Thad, and I have agreed that something needs to be done. Through song, of course, because we're the Warblers." He nodded at Blaine. "Pass out the sheet music."

Blaine gathered the sheet music from the closet and passed out the parts. There was a ripple of surprise when each Warbler received his music, but none of them questioned it. They had learned that if they questioned the council, Wes would attack them with his gavel, and no one really wanted that. Except Nick, who, upon receiving his part, exclaimed in disgust.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" He cried, staring at the paper is disbelief. "This is _insulting_! No way. I am not singing this."

"Yes, you are, Warbler Nick." Wes said sternly. "Don't make me take away all your rights to a solo for the rest of the year. This is for David, guys. Take one for the team." He glared pointedly at Nick, who rolled his eyes and slumped back in his seat, turning to mutter into Jeff's ear.

"Alright Warblers…into formation!"

* * *

><p>"So David," Wes said, sliding into the chair beside David's, grinning like the Cheshire cat, "Have you broken up with Sarah yet?"<p>

"I already told you, I'm not dumping her." David replied, not lifting his eyes from the calculus homework he was trying to complete.

"Are you sure?" Wes asked innocently.

_That_ made David suspicious. He eyed the Asian warily, knowing him too well to be deceived. "What did you do this time?"

Smirking, Wes stood. "Hit it, guys!"

_Hey hey, you you_

_I don't like your girlfriend_

_No way, no way_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey hey, you you_

_I could be your girlfriend_

"This is not happening." David said helplessly, watching as the Warblers streamed into the common room, all singing and dancing.

"Oh, believe me, it's happening." Wes said cheerfully, going over to the Warblers.

As Wes joined them, Cameron stepped forward, looking positively ecstatic to be humiliating David in public like this.

_I can see the way, I see the way you look at me_

Cameron jumped onto the table David was studying at, sliding across the polished wood. He dropped to his knees, fake-pleading with the older Warbler.

_And even when you look away, I know you think of me_

_I know you talk about me all the time, again and again_

As fast as lightning, he had hopped off the table and behind David. He grabbed the back of David's chair, swinging it around. Kurt appeared behind him, smirking hugely. The countertenor grabbed David's tie, pulling him forwards.

_So come over here, tell me what I want to hear_

_Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear_

_I don't want to hear you say her name ever again_

Kurt released David, who stumbled back, looking utterly shocked at Kurt's brashness. Wes stepped forward, motioning to David with a 'come hither' gesture.

_She's like, so whatever_

_You could do so much better_

_I think we should get together now_

_And that's what everyone's talking 'bout!_

The rest of the Warblers swarmed forward, enclosing David in a circle, singing at the tops of their lungs. By this time, they had attracted quite a crowd, all of whom were laughing at David's predicament.

_Hey hey, you you_

_I don't like your girlfriend_

_No way, no way_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey hey, you you_

_I could be your girlfriend_

Trent hurried forward, grabbing David's wrist, wearing the same evil smirk as everyone else.

_Hey hey, you you_

_I know that you like me_

_No way, no way_

_You know it's not a secret _

_Hey hey, you you_

_I want to be your girlfriend_

All of the onomatopoetic sounds stopped, and all of the Warblers, including the beat-boxers, joined in for the chanting part of the song.

_In a second, you'll be wrapped around my finger_

'_Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better_

_There's no other, so when's it gunna sink in?_

_She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?_

David tried to make a break for it, rushing through the circle of people and running from the room. Nick and Jeff led the pack as they chased after him, still all singing joyously.

_Hey hey, you you_

_I don't like your girlfriend_

_No way, no way_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey hey, you you_

_I could be your girlfriend_

_No way, no way_

_Hey, hey!_

They managed to trap David in the empty German classroom just as the song ended. Laughing and joking, they congratulated each other. David sank into a chair, hiding his face.

"Why did I ever tell you I was going gay? Even as a _joke_?" he asked Wes bitterly, who had just taken a seat beside him.

"Because you're crazy." Wes said simply, brushing imaginary dust from his trousers. "Unlike the rest of us. We're completely sane."

"Oh yeah." David said sarcastically. "You're _completely_ sane. This coming from the person who just led a bunch of guys in singing a song about becoming my girlfriend. That's _totally_ sane, Wes. Why don't you just go polish your gavel?" he asked irritatedly, pulling out his cell.

"Okay." Wes said agreeably. "Wait." He paused, staring at the phone in David's hand. "What are you doing?"

"Breaking up with Sarah." David said, flicking through his contacts.

Wes gaped at him for a moment before leaping into the air and bouncing into the hallway. "I rock! I totally rock! WOO! WARBLER PARTY AT MY PLACE!"

David smiled at his crazy best friend and left the room to find a more quiet, private place to break up with his girlfriend.

* * *

><p><em><strong>No offense if your name is Sarah! It's not personal, I promise!<strong>_

_**Reviews are DELICIOUS just like CHOCOLATE! =D**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	15. Friday

**_Okay, so I'm really really sorry that I haven't posted anything in a few days! I have about four different drabbles that I have in the works, but I haven't hunkered down to write them. Plus, foraworldundeserving is having me help her with something top-secret, and I've been spending time on that as well. Also, the school year in winding down here, which means the dreaded finals are upon me! Finals suck. Like, majorly. Whoever invented finals should go die alone in a hole somewhere._**

**_So, nobody really prompted this chapter. Sort of. But not really. It kind of ties in with Dog Days Are Over if you squint and pay attention to detail. I promise I am working on your prompts too! Unfortunately, I'm not going to do every single prompt I get. What I do is look at the prompts I get, and if one catches my interest, I'll write it. I can't force my writing. I have to think about the song/prompt and get a driving desire to write it. An idea had to pop into my head for it to really work. Otherwise, the story turns out sounding messy and forced and just plain terrible._**

**_On another note, I reached a hundred reviews! HALLE-FREAKING-LUJAH! =D I was so so so so so ecstatic when I discovered that! I feel so incredibly honored that I ever reached 100 reviews. Honestly, I wasn't expecting to even reach 50, and this just blows my expectations out of the water! YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY AWESOME! (anyone get the AVPM reference? Anyone? No? You guys are no fun...) _**

**_Because I have 100 reviews, I feel obligated to do something special for you guys. What do you want as a 100-review present? Unforunately, I cannot give you Blaine/Kurt/Thad/Wes/David/Jeff/Nick or any of the other Warblers. I know, it's depressing. But leave me a review telling me what you want as a gift for being so amazing! =D_**

**_Congratulations to _Pleasedontdespair_ for being the 100th reviewer!_**

**_One more thing: This chapter had the f-word in it. I don't cuss usually, the word is just there for emphasis on how much hatred is present. Please don't take offense to it!_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. There wouldn't be as big of a gap between seasons 2 and 3 if I was in charge._**

* * *

><p>"WHO DID IT?" Kurt's scream of fury was probably heard halfway across Dalton. He stalked into the Warblers meeting, slamming the door behind him. Wes winced at the furious expression on Kurt's face. This could <em>not<em> be good.

"Who did it?" Kurt demanded again, crossing his arms and cocking one hip in a true diva-style. "I know it was one of you. Fess up!"

"Um, what exactly are we 'fessing up' to?" Cameron asked nervously.

Kurt was just opening his mouth to deliver a biting reply when the door burst open, revealing a ruffled, smug-looking Blaine.

"Sorry I'm late Wes, I was just – just…" he faltered as Kurt whipped around to face him, looking doubly furious at the appearance of his boyfriend.

"Go on, babe." Kurt said in a dangerously sweet voice. "Why are you late?"

Blaine looked surprised for a few seconds before his expression smoothed over, like he was carefully hiding his emotions. "No reason, baby, just overslept."

Kurt's eyes narrowed, and he took a threatening step towards Blaine. "Where. Is. It?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Blaine said smoothly, quirking an eyebrow.

"Don't give me that shit." Kurt snarled. "Now tell me where it is, or I swear I won't kiss you for a week."

Blaine blanched, his mouth falling open in shock. "It…it's in me and Thad's room, under my bed, but – "

His words were cut short as Kurt took off down the hall, calling over his shoulder, "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, ANDERSON!"

As he streaked away, Wes turned to Blaine and said incredulously, "Blaine, what the _hell_ did you do?"

To Wes's left, Thad busted up laughing, unable to keep a straight face any longer. The other Warblers watched in a mixture of alarm and disbelief as Thad lost it completely, clapping like a retarded seal, laughing so hard that no sound came out. Blaine cast his eyes down and avoided Wes's question, looking deeply ashamed of himself.

"B-Blaine ch-changed – " Thad stuttered out a few words before submitting to laughter again. He tried unsuccessfully to get over the insane giggles, taking a few deep breaths before saying, "H-he changed out Kurt's shampoo – w-with _olive oil_!"

Trent gasped dramatically. "Blaine! How could you?"

"But it's April Fool's Day!" Blaine complained. "You're _supposed_ to pull pranks on your friends!"

"Dude, even _I_ know better than to mess with anything related to or affiliated with Kurt's hair." Cameron interjected, rolling his eyes.

Blaine looked like he wanted to protest, but David spoke before he could get any coherent words out. "Look man, _we_ understand that it was just a joke. But _Kurt_ is seriously pissed off, and you _know_ he's not going to let this go very easily. It doesn't matter how much the guy loves you, he probably loves his hair more. Kind of like you and Katy Perry. She'll always be your number one."

Ignoring the Katy Perry comment, Blaine groaned. "You're right, you're right. But what do I do?" he turned to look pleadingly at Wes and David.

"There's really nothing you _can_ do." Wes said regretfully, exchanging glances with David. "Except watch your hobbit back…_very carefully_."

* * *

><p>The next morning Blaine was woken abruptly at four in the morning by a very high-pitched, girly scream. His eyes snapped open and he half sat up, rubbing his eyes, his vision still blurry with sleep. Through his half-asleep haze, he saw Thad silhouetted in the light from the bathroom, hunkering down against the back wall, his eyes transfixed on something in the bathroom. Thad looked genuinely terrified, as if a mass murderer had just tried to assassinate him or something.<p>

"Whatsit?" Blaine's words came out a lot more slurred than he'd been going for, and he silently cursed himself for sounding like a drunk.

Thad turned slowly, his eyes wild. "Blaine, go kill it!" he whimpered, hiding his face.

Blaine sighed. It was probably just a teeny little spider on the wall that had spooked Thad. Getting up, he told himself that at least he could go back to sleep for a couple more hours. However, when he entered the bathroom, there was no spider. In fact, there wasn't anything unusual about the bathroom, except –

"Thad, are you afraid of the My Little Pony?" Blaine asked incredulously, picking up the pink plastic horse.

"It's horrible!" Thad squeaked, shielding his face with his hands, "Get rid of it, Blaine!"

"You can't be serious." Blaine's sleepiness made him short-tempered. "Thad, it's made of _plastic_."

"Just _get rid of it_!" Thad said more forcefully.

Sighing in defeat, Blaine took the toy and carried it over to his bedside table. As he passed Thad, the older Warbler whimpered again and shied away, practically running to his bed and hiding under the sheets, shaking. Blaine deposited the pink horse inside of his drawer, feeling relieved that he could get back to sleep now. He had crawled back under the sheet, relaxing once again into the mattress, when his phone rang, loudly blaring Teenage Dream. With a long, drawn-out moan of anger and exasperation, Blaine snatched up his phone and glared at the offending text message, his fury turned to panic as he saw the name: Kurt.

Oh, boy. What if Thad had woken Kurt up and now Kurt was even _more _pissed at him and didn't ever want to see him again and he was texting to officially break them up and, oh god, that couldn't happen because Blaine loved Kurt like nothing else and _this couldn't be happening_ and Blaine was going to die old and alone and depressed because he loved Kurt so much and nobody would ever, ever, ever, _ever_ be the same as Kurt and –

Vigorously shaking himself, Blaine stopped his hyperactive, panicking brain and bravely opened the text in question.

_Good morning, Sunshine! Having horse troubles? ;) __–K_

It took him about three reads to realize that Kurt hadn't broken up with him. It took him another three reads to fully understand the implication on the message. Kurt had set this up in revenge, knowing that Thad would freak out, and Blaine would be left to fix it. That was so, so…_hot_. Blaine smiled a little. Kurt was hot when he was scheming.

Blinking, Blaine realized just where his train of thought was going and quickly redirected himself. Maybe Kurt would go back to normal now, and everything would be fine. Hopefully. Because, being woken up at four by a screaming Thad was punishment enough, right?

…Right?

* * *

><p>Instead of calling the Warblers meeting to order as usual, Wes sat in silence before the Warblers, glaring at them and slowly twirling his gavel in his hands. He made no move to speak or do anything besides silently glower at his classmates. A few people fidgeted uncomfortably under his unwavering stare. Behind his back, David and Thad were exchanging looks, having a silent conversation.<p>

_What's his problem? Why isn't he starting the meeting?_ Thad was definitely confused. And tired. Really, he didn't even want to be here. He hadn't gotten much sleep after last night's horse scare.

_I don't know_. David gave a half-shrug, looking fearful for his safety with the gavel of doom so close.

The silence in the room was absolute, and tense. And, well, confused. Mostly, no one had any idea what was going on. Wes let out an angry breath through his nose, setting down his gavel and leaning forward.

"Whoever did it has exactly _one minute_ to confess." His voice was cold with anger. "You know who you are. And if no one comes forward…rest assured, I _will_ find you. And you will regret ever messing with me."

"What happened, Wes?" Kurt asked sympathetically. Kurt knew that he was the only one Wes would never go into ninja-gavel-warrior mode on. All the Warblers knew that the wrath of Kurt was far worse than the wrath of Wes.

"Some _imbecile_ wrote the word 'gavel' across my windshield in pink paint and taped a paper with the word 'douche' written on it over my license plate." Wes said coldly, not turning his stare from Nick and Jeff, whom he seemed to suspect.

"Don't look at us!" Jeff said indignantly. "We were in our dorm all night!"

"Yeah, I bet you were." Cameron said, snickering.

"Oh, very funny." Nick said bitingly. "You're just jealous because you can't get a girl to kiss you."

That helped break up the tension a bit, snorts of laughter breaking out over the room. Cameron turned his head away from Nick and crossed his arms, huffing like a little kid. Up at the head table, Wes did not look amused, although David and Thad were both holding back laughs on either side of him.

"I will find whoever did this." Wes promised menacingly, standing up. "And he will pay." He glared at them all for another few moments before saying, "Meeting dismissed."

As they left the room, Kurt turned to Blaine and said, "You know who did it, don't you?"

Blaine smiled mysteriously. "Maybe. Maybe not." He winked.

Kurt rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's antics. "Just don't let Wes hear you!" he cautioned jokingly. "You know, I've never seen Wes that mad. Not even when you stole his gavel and told him it was en route to China!"

"If there's one thing Wes loves more than his gavel, it's his car." Blaine replied. "And all the Warblers know that. Even so, I don't think Nelson should've done the 'douche' thing. That wasn't very mature. I would've left it at the gavel."

Kurt raised his eyebrows. It took Blaine all of two seconds to process what he'd just let slip. "Crap!" he said, frowning, "I just told you who it was. I have to be careful…next time I do that, slap me!"

"Don't be ridiculous." Kurt said. "I'm not going to slap you."

Blaine sat down on one of the couches in the living room, setting his bag on his lap. "Oh, I know you won't." he said. "But I hope Nelson knows this is going to get out eventually. I just hate to think what's going to happen."

"Me too." Kurt agreed with a shudder.

* * *

><p>"You know, Wes is going to find out eventually." Cameron said, standing in the bathroom brushing his teeth.<p>

Nelson, sitting with his laptop open on his bed, shrugged. "I guess. But what's he going to do? Threatening with solo loss doesn't really work anymore, considering Blaine and Kurt get all the solos in our formal performances."

"True…" Cameron didn't look reassured. "He could throw his gavel at you. And, as stupid as that sounds, the dang thing actually _hurts_ when he throws it at your head."

"It was a simple prank." Nelson said calmly. "I'm sure Mr. Gavel-obsessed Asian will get over it eventually."

Cameron shook his head disbelievingly. He didn't have the energy to argue with his idiotic roommate. Earlier that week, Blaine and Thad had woken up the entire hall at like four in the morning, and he had been struggling to catch up on sleep ever since. Plus, he was slightly paranoid about the prank war that was steadily brewing within the Warblers. He had been watching himself all week to make sure he didn't piss off any of the council members. Settling down on his bed, he closed his eyes and drifted off into a dreamless sleep, thinking about how glad he was it was finally the weekend.

_7am, waking up in the morning_

_Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs_

_Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal_

_Seein' everything, the time is goin'_

_Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'_

_Gotta get down to the bus stop_

_Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends!_

"What the _fuck_ is that?" Cameron snapped, lack of sleep making him more grumpy than usual. His alarm clock told him it was two in the morning, and he was so tired that for a moment the room was spinning. When he stood up, dizziness engulfed him and he wobbled.

Across the room, Nelson sat up in his bed, listening to the music with apparent joy. "Oh my gosh, this is like my favorite song _ever_!" he squealed, apparently forgetting all about the lateness of the hour and springing up, singing along to the lyrics (which he knew by heart).

_Kickin' in the front seat_

_Sittin' in the back seat_

_Gotta make my mind up_

_Which seat can I take?_

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." Cameron exclaimed disgustedly, watching in horror as his roommate – whom he had thought to be moderately sane until now – began dancing around the room, jamming out to the song. "This is the worst song I've ever heard in my entire _life_. What are you smoking?"

Nelson stopped and gaped at him, his mouth hanging open comically. "Rebecca Black is like my idol! She's so amazing! I love her!"

"Oh dear god. Why me?" Cameron muttered as the music took to the chorus.

_It's Friday, Friday_

_Gotta get down on Friday_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend_

_Friday, Friday_

_Gettin' down on Friday_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend_

Without a second thought, Cameron fled from the room, anger fueling his aching body into action. The music's volume had barely decreased when he arrived at the end of the hall, where Wes and David roomed together. To his surprise, Thad, Kurt, Trent, and Blaine were already there, all looking exceptionally angry.

"Wes!" Cameron said furiously, pushing past Trent to stand in the doorway. "I get that you're upset about your car, and therefore wanted revenge. But I have not slept more than four hours every night this week and _I need sleep_! Now, _you_ are going to take that wretched gavel of yours and go and smash whatever the hell is making that crappy excuse for music blast down the hall, or I'm going to wrestle your gavel away from you and take care of it myself!"

By the time he finished his rant, the others were staring at him as if he'd grown another head, and Wes looked truly scared of him.

"Okay, okay," Wes said quickly, picking up his gavel from under his pillow, "Keep your g-string on, Cam!"

With that, he rushed down the hallway towards Nelson and Cameron's room. Thad turned to Cameron, impressed.

"Dude," he said in slight awe, "I didn't know you had it in you. _No one_ ever tells Wes what to do and gets away with it. Except David, but that's only because they're secretly gay lovers."

Cameron, surprised, said, "I – I guess it just came out. But hey, it worked, right?" He looked over at Klaine and Trent, raising an eyebrow. "So, what are we going to do to get The Gaveler back for this?"

And the Warblers prank war had officially begun.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Would anyone be interested in me writing a spin-off of this chapter in which the prank was CONTINUES? I'm not sure I could think up enough pranks, but if you want to see it, I would be glad to give it a try!<em>**

**_Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease leave me prompts and reviews! I know, begging isn't attractive. But I can't help it! Reviews are like crack, except you can get high off of happiness instead of off illegal drugs._**

**_Don't do drugs. Seriously. Get high off of chocolate and reviews. No drugs. Say no to drugs, say yes to tacos!_**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	16. For Your Entertainment

**_So...I guess this is sort of your 100-review reward. Because we all know that all you really want is Klaine. And this chapter is very Klaine-centric, so enjoy that! I loooooove Sexy!Kurt._**

**_Again, no one really prompted this. I've actually had something similar planned out in my mind since before I posted Telephone/Misery, except it was originally with If I Had You instead of For Your Entertainment. But, I kind of like the plot of this one better. So I'm going with it._**

**_Would it be weird to say that I feel lost without my beta in town? *big mournful sigh*_**

**_Big thanks to all my reviewers, as always. You guys make my day every time. :)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Blasphemy, I know._**

* * *

><p>Wes was lying on his stomach in bed, iPod headphones in and laptop open. Technically he was supposed to be doing homework, but instead he had the webpage open to his Facebook. A rainstorm was pounding at the glass of his window, and every few minutes a jagged fork of lightning split the velvety black sky. With amusement, Wes noticed that Kurt and Blaine had (once again) posted the lyrics to Baby, It's Cold Outside on each other's Walls. They had been together for a few months now, and were both still tooth-achingly sweet to be around. But at least they didn't have eye-sex during Warblers meetings anymore. Instead, Klaine usually cuddled up on one of the couches and pretended to listen.<p>

At that very moment, the door to Wes's dorm flew open and a very angry-looking Kurt Hummel stalked inside. Wes jumped up, yanking out his headphones and pretending that he hadn't just been stalking Kurt's Wall.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" Wes asked nervously. The last time the countertenor had looked this angry, things had _not_ turned out so well.

"_Blaine_, that's what's wrong!" Kurt said furiously, looking like he wanted to punch something.

"Um, what _about_ Blaine? Is he using too much hair gel again? 'Cause we can have another Warblervention. I'll even hit him with my gavel for you." Wes offered almost eagerly.

"It's not that." Kurt said edgily, waving away Wes's suggestion with an impatient hand. "He just treats me like I'm a little kid! I'm a teenage boy too, dammit! It doesn't matter that I'm _gay_. And another thing – "

Kurt kept on rambling, furiously going on about all his and Blaine's relationship. Wes whipped out his phone and speed-dialed David.

"Yeah, David? Where are you? _The kitchen_? Why are you – ? You know what? Nevermind. You need to come back to the dorm right now. Kurt's having boyfriend troubles. _Yes_, with Blaine. Don't _question_ it, just get back here as soon as possible! Don't argue with me! _Goodbye_, David!" Wes hung up before his best friend could think of another unintelligent rebuttal. Honestly, David was so thick sometimes.

A few seconds later, David came bursting into the room, his chest heaving as he panted.

"I came as fast as I could." He gasped, plopping down onto his bed, a Hershey's chocolate bar clutched in one hand, and a Cherry Coke in the other. He heaved himself into a sitting position, unscrewed the lid of his Coke, and said, "So, what's up with you and Blaine, Kurt?"

"He's treating me like I'm a little kid!" Kurt repeated his earlier words, now furiously pacing the tiny dorm. "Doesn't he understand that sometimes I want more than his stupid, gentlemanly dapperness?"

"Why don't you just _tell him_ that you feel that way?" David suggested, now tearing off the wrapper of his chocolate bar.

"I've tried dropping hints – pretty obvious ones, too." Kurt said exasperatedly. "But ever since the baby penguin incident, the more I push, the harder he pushes _away_."

David looked thoughtful. Wes hadn't really realized until now that guys could be as hard-to-read and temperamental as girls.

"Well, Blaine _can_ be really oblivious." David said. "So, why don't you tell him through song? That would probably get the point across better. You know how Blaine is. Music seems to penetrate his thick skull better than plain old talking."

"And how exactly do you suggest I do _that_, o holy one?" Kurt snapped, looking annoyed. "Every time I sing in front of him, afterwards he always just says how freaking _adorable_ and _cute_ he thinks I am. I don't want to be _adorable_ all of the time. Sometimes I want to be seen as _hot_ or _sexy_ and I really just – just – " He broke off suddenly, the frustration on his porcelain face suddenly turning into euphoria. His pacing ceased, and Wes could almost _see_ the wheels turning in his head.

Wes and David stared at Kurt in concern for a few moments, each wondering when he'd un-freeze and share his sudden epiphany with them.

"You two are genius!" Kurt said happily, jumping a little. He had a gigantic smile on his face. "I know what to do now…Thanks, guys!"

With that, he bolted out of the room and back down the hall, nearly _skipping_ with joy. Wes was completely floored. He turned to glance at David, who looked just as bewildered as he felt.

"Do _you_ know what just happened?" he asked, confused.

David shook his head. "No idea. But Kurt seemed happy, so that counts for something, right?"

Wes shrugged. "I guess so. Should we warn Blaine?"

David considered it for a minute. "Nah. Whatever Kurt decides to do, Blaine will have mostly likely earned it."

"That's true." Wes agreed. "I just hope he doesn't go too overboard."

David snorted. "This is _Kurt_ we're talking about, Mr. Gavel Man. He doesn't do anything _except_ go overboard."

Now Wes was starting to feel nervous. "True. In that case, we'd better watch our step the next couple of days."

David nodded mindlessly, taking another swig of his Coke. There was a short silence before David spoke again. "So have you decided on our setlist for graduation yet?"

* * *

><p>"What do you want, Hummel?"<p>

"Oh yeah, I'm doing really good. Thank you so much for asking, _Satan_. I've missed you too. No, really. Can't you hear the honesty just _oozing_ from my voice?"

"Whatever. Yeah, missed you, hope you're doing good, blah blah blah. But why did you call me? I'm like the _last_ person you would call just to have a friendly conversation with."

"True. No beating around the bush, I suppose. I need a favor from you, Santana."

"Hm. Sounds serious. So what is it? Having boy troubles? Need my expertise?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. And you truly are a master at seduction."

"Fair enough. So what do you want me to do? I can't help you seduce him, considering he's as gay as the Fourth of July."

"I'll explain everything tomorrow. Bring Brittany, and meet me in the McKinley auditorium at noon. Oh, and do me a favor and don't tell anyone about it. I'm trying to keep this on the down low."

"Fine, whatever, I won't tell. But you had better have a good explanation for this."

"Oh, I do. Trust me. See you tomorrow."

And with that, Kurt hung up the phone. He had an impish, uncharacteristically evil grin on his face. Blaine wouldn't know what had hit him.

* * *

><p>"Kurt?"<p>

Blaine's voice echoed through the high ceilings of the McKinley High auditorium. He stepped inside and looked warily around. Where was Kurt?

It was Saturday. Kurt had been acting mysteriously since last week, disappearing right after school because he 'had plans.' Then, out of nowhere, Kurt had asked him to come to the auditorium today. And, like a good boyfriend, Blaine hadn't really questioned it. In a typically gay style, he had freaked out a little over what to wear, but had eventually decided on his favorite loose jeans and a black button down, deciding not to go too formal or too casual. But seriously, Kurt was starting to freak him out a little, what with the whole vanishing act.

Perplexed, Blaine walked up and sat down in the front row, pulling out his phone. One new message.

_Hey, babe. Sorry for keeping you in the dark, but it was necessary. Now all you have to do is sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. –K_

Blaine stared at the message in consternation, unable to clearly decipher what was going on. 'Enjoy the show'? What was that supposed to mean? Was Kurt going to sing to him? That would be totally awesome. He loved hearing Kurt's voice. But why couldn't Kurt sing to him at Dalton? McKinley was kind of a long way to go just for the nostalgia or sentimental value of it.

Out of nowhere, loud music started and three people stalked onto the stage: two girls, one on either side of a boy. A porcelain-skinned boy. Blaine's mouth fell open.

It was Kurt, and the girls on either side of him were Brittany and Santana. What really distracted Blaine was Kurt's _outfit_. He was wearing tight black leather pants that were slashed around the thighs, a black leather jacket with chains hanging from it, and knee-high combat boots. His hair was mussed and spiked up in a way that Blaine found way too sexy to be legal. His boyfriend's blue eyes had dramatic black and gray liner surrounding them, and his normally pale cheeks were flushed. He looked nothing short of exhilarated. As he strutted his stuff on the stage, he broke into song, his voice deliciously sexy.

_So hot, out the box_

_Can we pick up the pace?_

_Turn it up, heat it up _

_I need to be entertained_

_Push the limit, are you with it?_

_Baby, don't be afraid_

_Imma hurt you real good, baby_

Kurt looked right at Blaine, his eyes smoldering with a fiery passion. He was completely enveloped in his performance. This was his once chance to prove his sexiness to Blaine, and he was going to give it his all.

_Let's go, it's my show_

_Baby, do what I say_

_Don't trip off the glitz that I'm gunna display_

_I told ya, Imma hold ya down until you're amazed_

_Give it to ya till you're screaming my name!_

Blaine blinked rapidly, unable to fathom what was happening. Was Kurt really singing about having sex with him? More than that, was Kurt singing about _dominating_ him? About _wanting_ to have sex with him? Blaine's thoughts raced at a mile per minute. _Kurt_? The same Kurt who had talked about being a freaking baby penguin? Where had this all come from? Because, _damn_, was it hot.

_No escaping when I start_

_Once I'm in, I own your heart_

_There's no way to ring the alarm_

_So hold on until it's over!_

Brittany and Santana each grabbed a side of Kurt's leather jacket and ripped it open, revealing his bare chest. As he sang, Kurt chased the girls around the stage, really sexing it up. Anyone watching would've sworn that he was straight, what with the way he was eyeing the two cheerleaders.

_Oh! Do you know what you got into?_

_Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?_

'_Cause it's about to get rough for you_

_I'm here for your entertainment!_

Blaine was standing, stock-still, in front of the stage, watching in a mixture of jealousy and astonishment as the two girls ground up again Kurt. This couldn't possibly be Kurt…Kurt was so sweet, and innocent –

_Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet_

_Thought an angel swept you off your feet_

_But I'm about to turn up the heat_

_I'm here for your entertainment!_

Well, Blaine thought dryly, that sure blew away _that_ assumption.

_It's alright_

_You'll be fine_

_Baby, I'm in control_

_Take the pain_

_Take the pleasure_

_I'm the master of both_

_Close your eyes, not your mind_

_Let me into your soul_

_Imma work you till you're totally blown!_

With those lines Kurt jumped off the stage, half-running towards Blaine. Adrenaline pulsed through his system, and he had an evil smile going that simply refused to go away. Reaching Blaine, he reached up and pushed the older boy back. Blaine stumbled and fell into the front row of chairs, sitting down hard. Kurt shoved his hands onto Blaine's shoulders with more force than was probably necessary and held him in place, smirking as he sang the last lines of the song.

_Oh! Do you know what you got into?_

_Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?_

'_Cause it's about to get rough for you_

_I'm here for your entertainment!_

_Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet_

_Thought an angel swept you off your feet_

_But I'm about to turn up the heat_

_I'm here for your entertainment!_

Kurt's last note rang out in the almost-empty auditorium before it faded into silence. Blaine's face was a mask of pure shock and…something else. There was love in his hazel eyes for sure, but also another emotion, something darker…

Lust.

Without warning, Blaine lunged forward and caught Kurt's lips in his, kissing him with a fierce passion. It was something he'd never dared to do before, and he forgot all about trying to be a gentleman. For a moment, he selfishly indulged in the simple joy of the ferocious, fiery, angry kiss, pressing his lips so hard against Kurt's that they were probably bruising. His hands were digging into Kurt's hips and insistently pulling him closer, _needing_ to feel as close as possible to the ridiculously sexy boy in front of him.

They made out intensely for a few minutes, a mess of lips and tongue and hands everywhere on each other, exploring every crevice, completely disregarding any inhibitions they had previously possessed. One of Kurt's hands tugged almost painfully at Blaine's hair, and the other splayed across the other boy's ribcage. Blaine broke away first, his breathing ragged, his eyes dark with desire.

"That," he said, breathing hard, "was the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Ever."

With that, he dived in for another heated snog, pushing his boyfriend back against the stage. Kurt barely repressed a smile of triumph. He liked this newfound daring to test the boundaries.

Mission. Accomplished.

* * *

><p><strong><em>O_O<em>**

**_I have no words. No words can describe Sexy!Kurt besides FRIGGIN HOT._**

**_So yeah._**

**_Review? ;)_**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	17. ET

_**First of all, I would like to apologize for how terrible I've been about writing this. Fail. *bows head* I'm working on one where Blaine is remembering his first days at Dalton, and I'd like to start a few others, but this one walked up, sat on my lap, and begged to be written with those Blaine puppy dog eyes. How was I supposed to resist? No, actually, it was the image of Wes singing this song while mussing his hair that led me to write this. Sad, I know. And, unfortunately, there is no Wavel in this. There isn't much Wavid either…A tiny hint of Klaine. An even smaller hint of Neff/Niff. So, sorry about being a horrible author. But I hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

_**Hey, **_**DJ-DizzyD**_**? You officially rock. Just saying. You're awesome.**_

_**Thank you, **_**foraworldundeserving**_**! =D That was SUCH a weird conversation/collab/roleplay thing that we did yesterday...Obviously we were high on sleep deprivation.**_

_**By the way, if you catch all of the AVPM references, let me know in a review, and I'll give you a shout-out in the next chapter. Because AVPM references are made of amazing. Yep.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, the Warblers would've forever been involved in the show. I don't know how, but I'd find a way.**_

* * *

><p>"Movie fest, movie fest, movie fest!" David chanted excitedly, rushing forward to raid the drawers under Thad's enormous flat-screen TV.<p>

"Geez, David!" Thad laughed, moving forward more slowly to help his friend with movie selection. "Calm down!"

"Calm down?" Wes asked disbelievingly, already digging through DVDs. "What kind of crap advice is that, Thad? It's _summer_!"

Dalton had gotten out for the school year the week before, and the students of the prestigious academy couldn't help but feel relieved that they were getting a two-month long break. Thad had sent out a massive text to all the Warblers a few days after school had ended, and through text they had arranged one of their bi-weekly movie nights.

"I don't know why, but I have the weirdest craving for a good alien movie." Wes said, rifling through the discs. "What do you think?"

Thad shrugged. "Whatever works. But we are _not_ going back to themed movie nights. That was terrible. We couldn't think of anything original, and I got sick of 'famous musicals' night." He shuddered at the memory. Singing in the Rain was officially ruined for him.

"Don't worry your pretentious little head, Horsey." David said, not missing a beat. He didn't see the glare Thad sent him. "It's only this once. I have to agree with Wes – watching a good alien flick sounds good. Just not Independence Day. That movie is depressing."

Wes nodded. "Agreed. It's definitely tear-jerking. Not that I, uh, _cried_ or anything. There was just some dust in my eye."

"Whatever." David said, rolling his eyes. "Wes, come on. You and I both know that you were crying like a little baby."

"Wait, why was Wes crying?" came Kurt's voice. He and Blaine had just entered the room, loaded with various movie snacks.

"David, you know it's not nice to make Wes cry." Blaine said, the corners of his mouth twitching. "You have to be _gentle_ when you turn him down for a date."

Both boys sent Blaine their best bitch glares (which they had picked up from Kurt) while Thad snorted in agreement, shaking his head.

"Anyway, I think we should watch The Thing," Thad said, turning over a case and scanning the blurb on the back. "It's really good. And then we could watch The Fourth Kind or Signs."

Kurt looked confused. "I have never heard of any of those. In my life."

The others ogled at him.

"You've never heard of them? Not even Signs?" Wes asked, flabbergasted. Kurt shook his head in response.

"Well, congratulations. Tonight you're going to see your first alien movie." David said with a smile. He glanced around. "By the way, where are the others?"

"They just texted saying that they'll be here in ten." Blaine answered, checking his phone. "Apparently Jeff and Nick caused somewhat of a holdup and they were delayed getting out. Knowing those two…yeah, nevermind."

Blaine tucked his phone back into the pocket of his jeans and flopped down on one of the couches, pulling a package of Red Vines towards him and tearing it open with an almost indecent enthusiasm.

"OHMYWIZARDGOD!" Wes and David shouted at the same time, leaping to their feet and hurrying over.

"These are like my favorite snack ever!" David exclaimed, munching on the Red Vine that Blaine had passed him.

"Oh, me too," Wes said, chewing on his.

"Oh god." Thad rolled his eyes. "Here we go again. Quoting that stupid Harry Potter musical or whatever. Seriously. That guy who played Harry wasn't even that good of a singer. He was always being drowned out by the background vocals. Honestly, what kind of lead character gets drowned out by _background_ vocals?"

"Don't you dare insult A Very Potter Musical!" Kurt said fiercely, turning to Thad with a bitch glare that was unmatched by any other. "Darren Criss is the most amazing performer on the planet!"

"Okay, okay." Thad said, looking away. "Chillax, man."

* * *

><p><em>Maybe this wasn't such a good idea<em>…Thad thought to himself, glancing over at Kurt. They were a little over halfway through The Thing and Kurt was already close to being hysterical with fear, hiding his face in Blaine's chest and gripping at the older boy's shirt so hard that his knuckles turned white. He wasn't the only one freaking out, either. Trent had plugged his ears and was determinedly staring at the wall, and Nick was clinging onto Jeff's arm, his blue eyes wide and unblinking. Thad felt bad for them. However, he had absolutely no sympathy for Wes, who let out a girly scream and literally fell from the couch to the floor, curling into a little ball, shaking. Thad wished he'd caught it on camera to use as blackmail later.

* * *

><p>Thad wasn't exactly sure what happened, but something about a five-movie scare-you-senseless marathon completely dedicated to aliens sparked a change within the Warblers. Over the next week or so, it was all anyone talked about. Everything about and affiliated with aliens was discussed. Anyone who flipped through Thad's texts would've thought they were all crazy freaks. The craziness of it all ranged from "DE ALIENZ R COMINGZ!" to "I had this really weird dream about a hedge shaped like an alien last night…" to "You know, I think Obama could be an alien in disguise. No joke." to "Why aren't there any Asian aliens? RACIST, SISTA!"<p>

The addiction to extraterrestrials hit Wes with particular force. And, of course, whatever Wes was obsessed with David was obsessed with, simply by association. They even went to an alien convention. They came back with little stuffed alien figures, named Little Bang-Bang and Mr. Googly Eyes, respectively.

* * *

><p>This all continued on for a few more days. Thad wasn't sure who had originally suggested the idea, but word soon got around that the Warblers and the New Directions were going to have a sing-off at the local park the next week. Thad was relieved at the news; maybe the competition would keep everyone's mind off of aliens, and cure this insane fetish.<p>

However, when Thad arrived at Wes's house for an emergency Warblers practice, he was heartily disappointed. Wes's chosen song for the sing-off? E.T. by Katy Perry. Blaine was positively ecstatic to be doing another Katy Perry song, and Kurt was happy that Blaine was happy. Wes and David were still off in La La Land. Actually, everybody seemed pretty content with the selection, so Thad went along with it. He didn't really care what the song was, he just wanted to beat the New Directions.

New Directions was already at the park when the Warblers arrived. They looked like they'd been fighting. No one was speaking to each other, and most of the girls were pointedly looking away from each other, except for Brittany, who just looked confused. Thad had to hide a smirk. The Warblers _so_ had this in the bag.

Out of courtesy, the Warblers let New Directions perform first. They had chosen to sing Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive, but it honestly wasn't much of a performance. Rachel hogged all the solos, and spent the entire thing glaring at Finn, while looking like she was on the brink of tears. The song just didn't have the strong, female-empowerment tone it was supposed to. The Warblers clapped politely when the song was finished, but you could tell their confidence levels had almost tripled.

Kurt had helped everybody prepare their wardrobe for the performance, and Thad had to admit the countertenor had done extremely well. They were all dressed completely in black, with accents of hot pink, on a scarf or a tie or a hat. Kurt had insisted on doing their makeup, and even though he'd been completely unwilling, Thad thought the dark liner made them look dangerous and alien and perfect for the mood of the song. Since Kurt had helped out so much with the visual preparation, the council had decided to grant him the first solo in the song. In the back, Terry started up his usual beat-boxing, and Kurt began his solo, moving his hips in a way that had everyone, gay or straight, mesmerized.

_You're so hypnotizing_

_Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel?_

_Your touch – magnetizing_

_Feels like I am floating, leaves my body glowing_

The sexy radiating off of the seemingly innocent boy was incredible. Blaine stepped up just behind Kurt, his hazel eyes dark and smoldering. A few of the girls in New Directions caught their breath as he gazed at them, copying Kurt's hip movements.

_They say be afraid_

_You're not like the others, futuristic lover_

_Different DNA_

_They don't understand you_

Wes took his place on Blaine's right. The three of them leaned to the left, simultaneously running a hand through their hair. Wes wasn't sure how it looked, but when he'd practiced it in the mirror it had looked like…well, like he'd just crawled out of bed. Kurt had later assured him that having bedhead was the whole point of the movement, and that the New Directions girls would like it. Wes wasn't so sure, but he went ahead and played along, starting to sing.

_You're from a whole other world_

_A different dimension_

_You open my eyes_

_And I'm ready to go, let me into the light_

Thad smoothly stepped into place beside Wes. They all took slow, synchronized steps towards their competition, smirking. As Thad began his part, he locked eyes with Santana. She looked as though she'd been rendered completely breathless. His smirk grew. Santana, breathless?

_Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me_

_Infect me with you lovin'_

_Fill me with your poison_

_Take me, ta-ta-take me_

_Wanna be a victim_

_Ready for abduction_

At last, David joined them, and they all dropped to their hands and knees, surrounding the African-American Warbler as he sang his part.

_Oh, you're an alien_

_Your touch so foreign_

_It's supernatural_

_Extraterrestrial_

The remained of the Warblers closed in, and they all continued to walk towards where New Directions was standing. Even the guys on ND looked impressed with the acting as well as the singing. The girls were all getting really into it, dancing to the music and smiling like love-struck teenagers. The Warblers blended together into a rich harmony, repeating the chorus.

_Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me_

_Infect me with you lovin'_

_Fill me with your poison_

_Take me, ta-ta-take me_

_Wanna be a victim_

_Ready for abduction_

A few of the Warblers moved forward and grabbed a New Directions girl, pulling her to her feet and into the performance. Kurt had, of course, pulled Mercedes from her spot and was serenading her, a joking smile showing through his sexy smirk. Quinn and Brittany were happily dancing with Jeff and Nick, while Thad and Santana were swaying together just a few feet away. Santana looked like she seriously wanted to get her mack on. Wes and Tina were rocking out near the back, dancing so wildly that the others gave them a four-foot berth. The only girl who refused to get up was Rachel, who sat still, arms crossed, mouth stubbornly set. Her excuse was that she didn't want to 'aid the competition in any way, shape, or form.'

_Oh, you're an alien_

_Your touch so foreign_

_It's supernatural_

_Extraterrestrial_

As the song ended, New Directions cheered enthusiastically, especially the girls. Some of the guys looked less-than-happy to see their girls dancing with the Warblers, except Sam, because Kurt wasn't really a threat to Mercedes. Still, it was utterly clear who'd won the mock-competition. The Warblers took it in their stride, not cheering overly exuberantly or showing off.

"That was _hot_." Santana said, giving Thad a wink. "_Freaky boys_."

Thad laughed. Even if it was only for a day, he had gotten the Warblers away from their alien obsessed. Now, if only he could find a way to sneak back to his car with Santana…

* * *

><p><em><strong>"WANKY WANKY!" "Shut up and get off my Author's Note, SATAN!"<strong>_

_**Sorry about that. She just sticks her nose into everybody else's business. Although, I think that Thad/Santana wouldn't be a bad couple, I'm still not sure if I seriously like it or if I'm just playing with it for the sake of this drabble.**_

_**VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE! I will be posting a spin-off of 'Friday' called **_**Pranked! _The first chapter will be Friday from this story, and I have the second chapter already typed up. So when that gets posted (probably right after this) I wanted you all to go and read it, because YOU, yes, YOU asked for it. Well, plus _foraworldundeserving_ sort of begged me to do the spin-off. But that's beside the point_**

**_Reviews make the world go round! Or is that Glee? I can't decide..._**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	18. Born This Way

_**Okay, so congratulations to **_**ffew_, _Call me Mad_, and_ livelife13 _for catching all the AVPM references in the last chapter! You guys are TOTALLY AWESOME! =D_**

**jobogtheqwerty_ told me that their favorite song was Born This Way, and this drabble just came to life in my head! I hope you enjoy it!_**

**_So...TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! WHOO HOO! IT'S OVER! =D I'm excited, can you tell?_**

**_In other exciting news, me and _foraworldundeserving _are writing a collab! Yeah, I know. It's about freaking time, right? It's going pretty good, so look for that hopefully soon! I think I already put this in the AN for another chapter...or was that for Pranked! I have no idea. I'm like super tired right now. SO I'm going to stop rambling and put the disclaimer so you can actually read meaningful words._**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, Rachel would sing backup. All. The Time. =)_**

* * *

><p>Kurt burst into the choir room with a fevered expression on his face, looking almost dangerously excited. He skidded dramatically on the polished wooden floors, coming to a stop about six inches from full-on crashing into Wes and David. The two council members were discussing setlists and harmonies before the next meeting, and looked surprised to see Kurt there.<p>

"Kurt, the meeting isn't for another forty-five minutes." David said, glancing at his watch.

"I know." Kurt said breathlessly, smiling. "But I was just talking to New Directions, and Mercedes told me that they performed Lady Gaga's song Born This Way."

Wes and David swapped glances, neither of them quite understanding the significance of Lady Gaga or her music.

"And this is important because…?" Wes trailed off, raising an eyebrow in apparent skepticism.

Kurt's smile died and he gave them a look, standing with one hand on his hip. "Wes. Come on. Have you ever even _heard_ that song?"

"No…?" Wes looked down awkwardly. He hadn't listened to the radio in _forever_.

Sighing impatiently, Kurt pulled his iPod Touch from his blazer pocket and flicked through the songs until he found Born This Way. Wes paid close attention to the lyrics. The entire song was about self-acceptance, and Wes recalled the other day when he'd overheard Trent, Cameron, and Nelson all nitpicking their imperfections. Lately, Wes himself had been struggling with people always teasing him about his gavel. It wasn't something he could explain. He just felt a _connection_ with his gavel, and nobody understood it.

As the line 'whether you're gay, straight, or bi' came up, Wes realized that, despite being out and seemingly proud, maybe some of the gay and bisexual Warblers were insecure about their preferences. Jeff, for example. It had taken the blond Warbler almost an entire school year to accept the fact that he liked guys as well as girls. David…Wes knew that at his old school, David had been bullied for his skin color. In hindsight, he had heard every single Warbler verbally abuse himself at one point or another. Maybe this was a good thing.

"We could consider it." Wes said hesitantly as the song ended.

"Oh, don't be such a buzz-kill, Wes." David said, looking eager. "I think it's a great idea! You were just talking the other day about how down you felt about the whole gavel thing, Wes. We're _leaders_. We should be setting examples for the underclassmen. We should be accepting ourselves instead of putting ourselves down."

"Thank you, _David_." Kurt said pointedly, shooting Wes another look. "I think it would be good for the Warblers to come to terms with themselves. Besides, everyone thinks we're perfect, and this might be a good opportunity to show that just because we wear uniforms, we're not all the same."

Wes caved. "Oh, alright then." He said, working to keep indignation from his voice. "We'll announce it to the Warblers tomorrow."

"One more thing." Kurt said, tucking his iPod back into his pocket. "When New Directions performed the song, they all wore a white t-shirt with an insecurity written on it. Something that they admitted to not liking about themselves, but came to terms with because they were born that way. See how it ties in? I think we should do that too."

"Umm…" even David looked uncertain. He glanced at Kurt. "Insecurities like…what?"

Kurt thought for a moment. "You know Finn? The Frankenteen? His shirt said Can't Dance."

Wes and David groaned simultaneously at the mention of Finn's horrible dancing. A few weeks back, the Warblers had thrown a party at Wes's house. At Kurt's request, they had invited New Directions. And, halfway through the night, Finn had tried to beat Kurt at Dance Dance Revolution. Needless to say, Kurt had won, and Finn had needed an ice pack.

"Why can't we announce it today?" David asked.

"Because, they're going to want an example, and not everybody can relate to Finn's dancing skills…or lack thereof."

"So, what are you going to do?" Wes questioned. "Are you going to make a shirt tonight?"

Kurt grinned slyly. "No. _You_ are."

* * *

><p>"I don't have any insecurities." Cameron said arrogantly, crossing his arms.<p>

Beside him, Nelson snorted. "Yeah, right. That's not what you said when Nicole turned you down…_again_."

Cameron shot a death glare at his roommate, turning his head away.

"Look," Kurt said, "The point is, we _all_ have insecurities, whether we want to admit it or not. This is about accepting our insecurities and learning to live with them, even enjoy them."

"Can you _show_ us what you mean?" Jeff asked, frowning.

Kurt gestured to all three council members, giving Wes a look that plainly said _I told you so_. "Our council has examples prepared."

The council stood in unison, and in one smooth movement had discarded their blazers, revealing the white t-shirts they were wearing underneath.

Wes – GAVEL

David – DARK SKINNED

Thad – HORSE WHISPERER

"Hey, you used your nickname!" Wes exclaimed, looking over at Thad's shirt. "How is that an insecurity? It's an ingenious nickname, thank you very much."

Thad rolled his eyes. "I'm not insecure about the _nickname_. I'm insecure about the fact that I have an intense fear or horses. And I thought 'Horse Whisperer' sounded better than 'Fears Horses' or something stupid like that."

Wes nodded at Kurt, who picked up a stack of sheet music and began passing it out. "We will be performing this in the cafeteria right at the start of lunch in exactly two weeks. There should be plenty of people there. And Headmaster Richards gave us special permission to be out of uniform for this performance."

"Alright, everybody look over your part and practice it. I want everyone's shirt to be completed by Friday, okay?" there was a general murmur of agreement. "Very well. Meeting adjourned."

With that, Wes banged his gavel and the meeting broke up.

That Friday, everyone arrived as usual, their blazers concealing their white shirts. The air in the choir room was slightly uncomfortable, and a few people were unusually fidgety. Kurt looked completely at ease, calmly texting Mercedes on his iPhone. Beside him, Blaine was smiling slightly ruefully, lost in his thoughts. Jeff looked nervous, but at the same time had a determined air about him, as if he was on a mission and knew exactly what he was going to do.

"Everyone almost ready?" Wes asked the room at large, checking his watch. There was only three minutes until the halls would be flooded with hungry students. "We need to start walking over – and don't forget your cues!"

"Excited?" Blaine asked Kurt, nudging his shoulder against the younger boy's.

"Definitely." Kurt said, grinning. "I can't wait to see what your shirt says. Can you tell me?"

Blaine laughed. "Sorry, babe. Classified information."

They entered the cafeteria, and Kurt felt a burst of butterflies suddenly shoot through his abdomen. Casually, he glanced to the side where Wes, David, and Thad were standing. Wes gave him a nod and a thumbs up. Tossing his nerves to the side, Kurt bolted to the center of the cafeteria, jumped on top of a lunch table, and started the intro.

_It doesn't matter if you love him_

_Or capital H-I-M_

_Just put your paws up_

'_Cause you were born this way, baby_

Terry and the other beat-boxers walked out in a line, standing behind the table. Blaine and Jeff jumped up onto the table slightly behind Kurt, Blaine taking the next part.

_My mama told me when I was young_

"_We're all born superstars."_

_She rolled my hair, put my lipstick on_

_In the glass of her boudoir_

Blaine and Kurt fell back, giving Jeff center stage (or, center table) for his solo.

"_There's nothing wrong with loving who you are,"_

_She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe,"_

_So hold your head up girl and you'll go far_

_Listen to me when I say_

The rest of the Warblers converged to the center of the cafeteria, jumping on top of tables near Blaine, Kurt, and Jeff. The students, quickly realizing what was happened, pushed and shoved to get into the cafeteria, crowding around the singing boys. The Warblers's voices joined together from all different sides.

_I'm beautiful in my way_

'_Cause God makes no mistakes_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way_

_Don't hide yourself in regret_

_Just love yourself and you're set_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way_

Moving as one, Kurt, Blaine, and Jeff took their blazers off and tossed the, into the crowd, revealing their insecurity shirts. Kurt's said BABY PENGUIN. Blaine's said HOBBIT. Jeff's said BISEXUAL, something he'd struggled with a lot the previous year. Off to the right, Nick jumped down from one of the tables, discarding his blazer. The crowd parted to let him through, and he was quickly joined by Cameron and Nelson, who also hastily revealed their shirts. Nick stood in front of the group, smirking slightly.

_Don't be a drag, just be a queen_

_Whether you're broke or evergreen_

_You're black, white, beige, chola descent_

_You're Lebanese, you're orient_

Nick's shirt read SHORT FUSE, an indication of his rather short temper when provoked. Cameron had taken Nelson's words to heart, and printed on his shirt NO GIRLS. Nelson had put AFRO on his, which was obvious with just one glance in his direction. Kurt, meanwhile, hopped down to join them, taking the next line.

_Whether life's disabilities _

_Left you outcast, bullied, or teased_

_Rejoice and love yourself today_

'_Cause baby, you were born this way_

The group of four turned and leaped up beside Thad, David, and Wes. Two tables had been pushed together to make a makeshift dance floor for them. As the council members individually revealed their shirts, Thad sang.

_No matter gay, straight, or bi_

_Lesbian, transgendered life_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born to survive_

The Warblers pushed two more tables against the first two, making enough room for everyone to hop onto the 'stage' and sing the last few lines together, wearing their insecurities proudly on their chests. Everyone was smiling and dancing, looking completely content to display themselves to the entire student body. It had been the entire goal of the performance, and they were having a blast while doing it too.

_I'm beautiful in my way_

'_Cause God makes no mistakes_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way_

_Don't hide yourself in regret_

_Just love yourself and you're set_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way, yeah_

In synchronization, they jumped off of the table and spilled out of the lunchroom, singing at the top of their lungs. They filled the hallways, their voices echoing in the high ceilings. Kurt couldn't repress a huge smile. Finally, the Warblers were proving to the rest of the school that they were only human.

_Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way_

_Baby, I was born this way_

_Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way_

_I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way_

_I was born this way, hey_

_I was born this way, hey_

_I'm on the right track, baby _

_I was born this way, hey_

* * *

><p><em><strong>So, did it meet your expectations? I hope so! Let me know what you thought of it!<strong>_

_**Reviews are like summer vacation. You think about it and go, "HELLZ YEAH!"**_

_**=D**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	19. Crack

**_I am so freaking sorry for abandoning you guys for so long! Seriously, I feel terrible. ='( I guess this chapter is like...my way of apologizing? Maybe? Kinda? Sorta?_**

**_So me and my friend Hannah (Inktail097) were hyped up on sugar and other dangerous things, and we started writing down what came to be this chapter. No, there isn't actually a song called Crack. Unfortunately. This chapter is actually a medley of a BUNCH of songs. If you can pick out all the different songs we used in this...Freak man, you're freaking AMAZING! I will like freaking love you forever! You will get like...well, technically I can't give you anything except for a big shout-out and virtual hug, but that's something, right? So leave me a review and tell me how many different names of songs you can pick out! I'm curious to see who, if anyone, can get it!_**

**_I guess I'm hoping that this chapter of complete crack makes up for my extended absence. I hope it does, because I had fun writing this, and I hope you have fun reading it!_**

**_So, in case you didn't already know, me and foraworldundeserving (Sarah) are writing a collab! The first chapter is posted, which you can find on my profile, and hers as well. It's called Edge of Glory. We're both super excited to be writing it together, and hopefully the next chapter will be posted soonish. No promises, though, because we haven't even started writing it yet! Oh well, you can't rush perfection, right? ;)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I would probably duct tape Finn's mouth shut. For no reason, just, you know, for teh lulz. ;)_**

* * *

><p>It looked like it was about to be just another ordinary Warblers meeting. The room was only about a quarter full when Kurt walked in, and he took a seat in one of the chairs, pulling out his phone to text Mercedes. There was a creaking noise, and the chair collapsed beneath him. He landed hard, wincing. David hurried over to him, looking only mildly concerned for his friend.<p>

"Hey Kurt, are you okay?" he asked, leaning over the countertenor.

"No, I'm not!" Kurt retorted. "My _butt_ is stuck in a _chair_!"

David smiled, offering Kurt a hand up. "Yeah, we all know that you've got a big ass…heart."

Before Kurt could object, Blaine ran into the room, looking frantic. "Where is my cup? Where is it? I want to say "what's up" to my cup!"

Kurt only had time to spare his boyfriend a disdainful glance before Trent raced in, carrying a large black cooking pot.

"Who wants gumboot?" the chubby Warbler asked, his eyes alight with excitement.

Jeff came into the choir room with a shell-shocked look, his expression flat-out scared and surprised. "Oh my god." He said, looking helplessly at the other. "There's a fox trot. Above. My. Head."

"You know, I kind of want to keep you in a jar." Wes said to Thad, gazing at him with adoration. "And like, preserve you. You would probably look cute in a jar. A little jar, of course, not a big jar. I like jars. And I like you. So, I'm going to put you in a jar."

"Let's go count some sheep." Nick begged, tugging on Jeff's sleeve, his bottom lip stuck out in a pout. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"I want to go to a strawberry field where everything flows and look through a glass onion and tell you all about my walrus named Paul!" Cameron didn't appear to be talking to anybody in particular. He was just spewing out random crap.

Thad turned to Nelson, his eyes widening pleadingly. "I feel so untouched." He said sadly, giving him a puppy dog stare. "I want you _so much_. I just can't forget you…Santana."

Nelson took a step back, affronted. "Bitch, I ain't Santana Lopez!"

"That's _Nelson Beato_!" Wes scolded, frowning deeply at Thad. "Racist, sister!" he slapped Thad, who fell back, whimpering.

"Whataya want from me?" Jeff asked indignantly, crossing his arms.

"Your bad romance!" Nick shot back, copying his boyfriend's defensive stance. "God Jeff, I'm not here for your entertainment!"

"You're _not_?" Jeff dropped his arms, his jaw going slack. "Holy crap…"

"You can't touch this!" Cam said angrily, shielding his stuffed pink unicorn plushie from Blaine, who was apparently trying to steal it.

David turned to Kurt, who was watching the entire exchange open-mouthed, unable to fathom quite what was going on.

"What the hell did you slip in everybody's drink?" Kurt asked confusedly, watching in disbelief as some of the Warblers started a conga line.

"What? _I_ didn't do anything! This entire thing is _your_ fault!" David retorted irately, gesturing to Wes, who was hitting himself over the head with his own gavel. Repeatedly.

"_My_ fault?" Kurt asked incredulously. "_You_ started this! If you hadn't said the big ass heart thing, we'd be having a normal Warblers meeting!"

"Ladies, ladies, don't fight over me." Wes sounded almost drunk as he staggered up to them. "You're both beautiful. There's enough of the Wesalator to go around."

Before either boy could say anything to question the lead council member's sexuality, Blaine stumbled up and yelled, "AARRHHHHUNNNGH!"

"Where's Chewbacca?" Cameron asked, standing up straight and looking around frenetically. "He's like my freaking IDOL, man! Chewbacca FOREVA!"

"It's _your_ fault!" Kurt ground out exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. "It's _your_ gay lover that just tried to molest both of us."

"Well, _your_ boyfriend is making Chewbacca noises!" David snapped.

"Oh, so you're not denying that you and Wes are gay lovers?" Kurt asked triumphantly, smirking, raising an eyebrow.

"I – but – we're!" David sputtered. "I mean, _of course we're not_!"

"Uh huh. Of course."

"SHUT UP! I DON'T LOVE WES!

"You don't love me?"

"SHUT UP!"

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><p><strong><em>Ohhh, how I love writing crack at li<em>****_ke one in the morning ;) Half-asleep, sugar-fueled, makes-no-freaking-sense crack is AWESOME!_**

**_So tell me guys...How many songs did you pick out? Drop me a note telling me the names of the ones you found! I'll give you a hint...there's 11 songs. Can you name them all? ;)_**

**_Reviews are like Wes when he's gettin' his sexy on ;)_**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	20. Shut Up

_**Wow, this one came up fast. I'm still trying to make up time for when I dropped everything to work on Edge of Glory (which, by the way, is VERY time-consuming).**_

_**So, a LOT of you left reviews about the songs used in the last chapter. Surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly...) no one got it! A lot of you answered with the song U + UR Hand by P!nk, and I think I should clarify that I have never heard that song in my life. I PM'd one of the reviewers and asked about it, and they said it was the line where Nick says, "I'm not here for your entertainment." Sorry guys, but that was actually referencing the song For Your Entertainment (Uh, DUH! *points to previous chapters*)**_

_**Anyway, the eleven songs used were (in no particular order): Big Ass Heart, My Cup, Come Together, Fireflies, Glass Onion, Goin' Back to Hogwarts, Whataya Want From Me, Bad Romance, Untouched, For Your Entertainment, and U Can't Touch This. Please don't leave me a review saying, "That's not right, THIS song is what it is!" It's MY story. I wrote it. I know what songs were or weren't used. Kepeesh?**_

_**Also, apparently there's a song called Chewbacca. =) That made me laugh, I'll admit. But it wasn't intentionally used, so I didn't count it.**_

_**Expect to see another chapter of Edge of Glory really soon! Oh, and sorry about the holdup on Pranked! If a story just isn't clicking for me, I can't write it. I actually wrote another chapter for Pranked! but it came out badly. I sent it over to foraworldundeserving, and we agreed that it was forced, and DEFINITELY not my best work. I'm not sure when I'll get around to updating it. Sorry!**_

_**Oh, and by the way...**_

_**HOLY CRAP I GOT TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS? WHAT THE HELL? OH MY GOD! =D I love you guys so freaking much. You are all awesome. Seriously, where would I be without you? (wandering through life with my eyes closed, banging off walls?) =D Love you guys! Love! LOVE!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Season 3 would've already started if I did.**_

* * *

><p>Nick swiped his room key through the slot and pushed open the heavy door, beaming at the sight of his and Jeff's shared hotel room. It was pretty dang exciting that they got to be in New York, even if it was just for a few days. Kurt had wanted to audition for some singing TV show or something of that sort, but the only place you could audition was in the Big Apple. Fortunately, being Blaine's boyfriend, his dad had agreed to pay for all the Warblers to take a three-day trip to New York. Jeff had immediately offered to room with Nick, and he had agreed without a second thought. Lately, he had felt like he and Jeff were drifting apart, and this was a great opportunity to work on their friendship.<p>

Anyway, it would be nice to get out and explore Times Square and Rockefeller Center and all of those places. Plus, the Warblers were all secretly hoping to be picked up by a record company while they were here. Jeff and Nick unpacked their suitcases and settled down on Nick's bed, enjoying the view of the city offered out of their floor-to-ceiling window.

Half an hour later, they were just relaxing, when David burst into the room in all of his glory. He had a giant, cat-ate-the-canary grin plastered on his face.

"You'll never guess what I just saw!" he claimed melodramatically, plopping down on the bed next to Nick, nudging him to scoot over.

"What?" Nick asked, smiling. David's good mood was infectious.

David's large brown eyes widened dramatically, and he looked between the two friends as he spoke. "I just accidentally walked in on Kurt and Blaine. _Kissing_." His nose wrinkled, as if _kissing _was the most disgusting thing on the planet.

Jeff raised an eyebrow scathingly. "What's the big deal? We've _all_ either seen or walked in on them making out before. They don't even try to hide it. They make out all over the place, they don't even care who sees anymore. So what?"

"This was different!" David insisted irritatedly, leaning forward, his hands splaying across the bedspread. "They were _totally_ getting it on, lying on the bed and making these really creepy _moaning_ noises and OH GOD I'M GOING TO HAVE NIGHTMARES!"

Nick laughed and patted the council member sympathetically on the shoulder. "Well, look on the bright side. At least we don't have to put up with Blaine pining over Kurt and putting his 'Woe Is Me' playing on repeat all the time. _God_, that was annoying!"

"I _know_, right?" David said, rolling his eyes. "I still don't remember how me and Wes were able to put up with him for so long."

"Oh, I know how." Jeff said mischievously, grinning. "You two were too busy making out to notice all that much."

"We were not!" David objected, looking exasperated. "Seriously, why does everyone always tease us about that?"

"Aww, it's not your fault." Jeff said understandingly. "You two are just so put-downable."

"Whatever." David rolled his eyes again before moving the subject off of his and Wes's secret love affair. "Hey, did Trent tell you guys about catching Richard and Andrew in the janitor's closet the other day?"

"What?" Nick's mouth fell open. "Seriously? I _knew_ it! Hell yes, Nelson owes me ten bucks!"

Their conversation continued down that vein for some time, discussing the different scandals that were currently running through Dalton. It was surprising just how much gossip there was in an all-boys school. Being gay himself, Nick had a pretty amazing gaydar, and right now it was going haywire. He came to the fairly certain conclusion that David was gay, or bisexual (because he _was_ dating a girl from McKinley right now). Of course, David could've just been so high on whatever he was smoking that he wanted to gossip with two gay guys, but Nick doubted it.

Just as Jeff was bringing the conversation over to the greatest movie of all time ("Come on, The Lion King is the obvious winner!" "Are you kidding? Spaceballs owns all. Hello, it's Mel Brooks!") there was a loud screeching sound from the room next door. Everyone stopped talking at once and listened intently, frowning in consternation at each other.

As expected, the screeching noise came soon again. But, it wasn't quite what they had been expecting.

"SHUT UP!"

It sounded a lot like…Cameron. Nick's frown deepened. Why the heck would Cameron be yelling at them to shut up? The walls weren't _that_ thin, were they? It took all of them a moment or two to realize that Cameron _wasn't_ telling them to shut up. He was just singing really, really loudly and off-key. This was confirmed as Cameron's shrieking – er, singing – started up again, even more off-key than ever.

"WE TRY TO TAKE IT SLOW, BUT WE STILL LOSING CONTROL, AND WE TRY TO MAKE IT WORK, BUT IT STILL ENDS UP THE WORST – " Cameron practically screamed, obviously with his iPod headphones in, the volume turned _waaaaay_ up.

David snorted and pulled out his phone, pressing the audio recorder button and started to record the shouts coming from the room.

"This is _so_ going to be used as blackmail later." He informed them with a shark-like grin.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Those crazy Warblers, always blackmailing each other. At this rate, they'll have enough blackmail to write embarrassing biographies of each other! Well, actually...I'm pretty sure EVERYONE could write an embarrassing biography of Klaine, but that's not the point...<strong>_

_**Reviews are just like Cameron's terrible, off-key singing (oh wait, is that a bad thing? Hmm...).**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	21. American Idiot

**_I am so freakin' sorry._**

**_I admit it: I completely dropped this story to work on Edge of Glory, and I am SO sorry for that. I SWEAR to try and update this story more often. I've just...been busy, aside from my work on Edge of Glory. But I've got a lot of free time now, so I am really going to shove my nose into the grindstone and try and produce a few more chapters for you guys!_**

**_So, this chapter is a combination of two prompts. One is from _thenumberonefemalediva_, who told me that I needed more Jeff in this story. The other is from _KiKiFliesDW13Gleek (_which is an awesome username even if I have NO idea what it means) who suggested the song American Idiot!_**

**_For my Edge of Glory readers, we already have the next chapter written. But we're waiting a while to post it. Sorry. ;)_**

**_For my Pranked! readers, I'm working on it, I swear. Something's waiting to click on that one, I'm just hoping it'll click soon!_**

**_This chapter is dedicated to all of my fellow Jeff lovers. =D_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, we would've seen the result of the solo audition in Special Education. Who won? Nick or Jeff? And why did they not sing?_**

* * *

><p>"This is ridiculous."<p>

Jeff stared, flabbergasted, at the newspaper in his hands. The article plastered on the page was making him feel physically sick.

"The school is shutting down the Warblers because they're afraid of coming across as a _gay school_?" He threw the paper down, disgusted, and stood, beginning to pace agitatedly.

"I don't like it any more than you do." Wes said with a sigh, fingering his gavel. "But there's nothing we can do about it."

"I don't understand." Blaine piped up, his brow furrowed. "Dalton boats a zero-tolerance bullying policy. And now _they're_ the ones doing the bullying. It just doesn't make any sense."

The room was silent as everyone let the news sink in. The tension in the air thickened until it was thick enough to cut with a knife.

"It's not _fair_!" Kurt burst out, his fists clenched. "There are only a handful of gay guys in the entire _club_! Just because we _sing_ doesn't mean everyone's _gay_!"

Jeff shook his head. He wanted to _punch_ something. He'd only just come out as bisexual a couple of months ago, and now _this_ was happening. Kurt was absolutely right; it _wasn't_ fair.

"Why are they doing this?" Nick looked a little confused and hurt, and a lot pissed off.

"They're most likely being influenced by all of the negative media." Thad said, "And by the school board. I doubt the Dalton staff had direct involvement with this decision."

"Are any other Glee clubs being shut down?" Richard asked, looking sideways at Andrew. "Or is it just us?"

Jeff snatched up the newspaper again, despite the fact that he had the sudden desire to burn it. "The article doesn't say." He announced, releasing it and letting it float to the floor.

There was another tense pause.

"We can't _stand_ for this!" Nick was on his feet, his eyes flashing and determined. "We can't let them shut us down! There aren't any other singing opportunities _at_ Dalton, and I know that more than one person in here is aspiring to go somewhere with their singing."

He stared pointedly at Blaine, who flushed but didn't deny it.

"Nick's right, guys." Jeff said, standing up and taking his boyfriend's hand. "We have to do _something_."

"And what exactly can we do?" Cameron asked exasperatedly, leaning forward. "We have no power over the school board. We don't dictate their decisions."

Jeff turned and gave Cameron a look, raising an eyebrow. "We're Warblers. What do you _think_ we can do?"

Wes looked over at David, thoughtful. "You know, we _could_ rebel through song. We have an impromptu performance scheduled for next week, and they don't officially shut us down until next month."

"Wait, wait, _wait_!" Ethan stood, his hands raised in a _hold everything_ gesture. "They could punish us for rebelling so openly."

"What can they do?" Jeff asked. "Worst case scenario they shut the club down – which they were going to do anyway – and put us in detention for a little while. Personally, I think it's worth it. Even if they kicked us out…so what? Obviously their whole 'zero-tolerance bullying policy' is completely shot, so what's the risk?"

When no one spoke up, David bit the bullet.

"All in favor?"

Every hand in the room went up; some were tentative, and some were without a split-second of hesitation. But nevertheless, they all went up.

"Decided." Wes said, banging his gavel authoritatively. "Now we need to decide on a song and get to practicing."

"I have something in mind." Jeff said with a slow smile. "And I think you're going to like it…"

– **I love Scheming!Jeff =D – **

"I'm…not sure about this." Kurt said nervously, biting his bottom lip.

"Why?" Jeff stared at Kurt incredulously.

"I…" Kurt trailed off indecisively, wringing his hands. "I don't want to get kicked out. I can't – I can't go back to McKinley."

"Oh, Kurt." Blaine wrapped an arm around the taller boy's waist, "I'm sure your dad won't make you go through that, even if they _do_ throw us out, which I doubt they will."

Kurt took a deep breath, leaning into his boyfriend's shoulder. "I know, I know. I'm being silly. I want to do this, I really do."

"You're not being silly." Blaine reassured him. "But I'm sure we'll be fine."

"It'll be okay." Jeff clapped Kurt on the shoulder, even though he wasn't certain if he was comforting Kurt or himself. "Nearly time now…a few minutes, I think."

Wes had assigned Cameron to the task of 'accidentally' letting word slip about their impromptu about it. For the most part, the Warblers had remained tight-lipped about it when asked, but the word had spread like wildfire through the school, and rumors were flying. Word had gotten out about the Warblers being shut down, and Jeff was half-hoping that their performance started a riot.

"Warblers, time to head out!" Wes called from the door. The Head Warbler turned, seemed to steel himself, and led the others out of the room, possibly for the last time.

Just the thought of this being their last impromptu performance made an unpleasant feeling twist Jeff's gut. He would be a senior next year, and had been hoping to score a spot on the council. The Warblers to him had been a way to escape reality, school, problems. It was what he did for fun, and it seemed cruel of the school to just take it all away. Sure, the Warblers would probably all stay friends, but it just wouldn't be the same.

_Don't think about it_, he told himself sternly.

The halls of Dalton were jam-packed, and the pandemonium was unbelievable. As they spilled out into the corridor, Jeff saw several members of the staff, smiling at them. _They're rooting for us_, he realized. Heartened, he quickened his pace and caught up with Wes and David, his confidence meter shooting up.

"Ready?" Wes asked, still looking straight ahead. "This could be it."

"I'm ready." Jeff said self-assuredly.

"Then go get 'em." Wes turned to him, smiling. "We'll be right behind you."

Taking the lead, Jeff headed straight for the common room. A smile broke out over his face.

Show time.

"_Don't want to be an American idiot!"_

The students went quiet as the Warblers started their background vocals as per usual. Jeff jumped onto the coffee table, rocking out on his air guitar.

"_Don't want a nation under the new media  
>And can you hear the sounds of hysteria?<br>The subliminal mind fuck America!"_

Everyone went wild, whooping and cheering at the song choice. Jeff hopped off the coffee table as the Warblers all joined together, completely letting go of their inhibitions.

"_Welcome to a new kind of tension  
>All across the idiot nation<br>Where everything isn't meant to be okay  
>Television dreams of tomorrow<br>We're not the ones who're meant to follow  
>For that's enough to argue"<em>

Nick pulled Kurt and Blaine onto the table, and the three of them harmonized the next few lines with passion.

"_Well maybe I'm the faggot, America  
>I'm not a part of a redneck agenda<br>Now everybody do the propaganda  
>And sing along to the age of paranoia"<em>

The three of them stepped back and let Thad take center stage.

"_Don't want to be an American idiot  
>One nation controlled by the media<br>Information age of hysteria  
>It's calling out to idiot America"<em>

Jeff slung an arm around Nick's shoulders, unable to wipe the broad grin off of his face, even as he sang out the last chorus with the rest of the group. It felt right, to perform again, even if it could be for the last time ever.

"_Welcome to a new kind of tension  
>All across the idiot nation<br>Where everything isn't meant to be okay  
>Television dreams of tomorrow<br>We're not the ones who're meant to follow  
>For that's enough to argue"<em>

And, as their singing faded and the crowd went completely wild, stamping and hollering, Jeff came to a realization. It didn't matter whether or not the Warblers were shut down. It didn't matter if they were all kicked out. What mattered was that they'd made their point, taken their stand, and done their best to show the school that they wouldn't stand for this injustice. Whether it worked or not, they'd stood up for themselves. And that was all that they could've done.

* * *

><p><strong><em>And there you have it! Personally, I love this one. I adore Green Day, and who doesn't love this song?<em>**

**_If you've got any great ideas for upcoming chapters, hit me with a review or two! =)_**

**_And just remember, reviews are like chocolate...I can't live without them! ;)_**

**_~SquirrelzAttack_**


	22. Fall For You

_**Hey everybody! I thought I should try and make up the lost time with a brand new chapter! This chapter is a combination of several different requests:**_

**Pleasedontdespair**_** requested the song Fall For You.**_

**MissMarauder93**_** suggested that the Warblers hide Wes's gavel.**_

**NightRose131**_** said that there should be a Warblervention for Wes's gavel.**_

**Basically EVERYBODY**_** requested more Wavel in general. So, here you go. =)**_

_**Sorry that I didn't get to your requests earlier, but I hope that you enjoy what I did with them!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, Glee probably would've done Sing for their song at Regionals. They would've won over the others anyway, so…**_

* * *

><p>David reached up and loosened his tie, mentally cursing the uncomfortable uniforms. School had just gotten out for the day, and he was more than ready to just go back to his dorm and –<p>

He stopped short, listening hard. The hallway was deserted, but there was _singing_ coming from a dorm. David sidestepped closer and soon realized that the dorm belonged to Wes and Jeff…and he'd just seen Nick and Jeff leaving campus. So that means that Wes was…but could he really be…?

One step closer told David the answer.

"_Because a girl like you is impossible to find…_"

David frowned. Who the heck was Wes serenading? He'd broken up with his girlfriend a couple weeks ago, and David highly doubted that Wes would move on so quickly. He knew that he should've left his best friend to be. He should've walked away and asked Wes about it later. But the curiosity was killing him, and he couldn't resist sneaking a peek inside of the cracked door.

Wes didn't notice him. The Asian Warbler was holding his gavel in the air, his eyes wide and loving. David bit down hard on his fist, willing himself not to bust up laughing. Wes was singing a love song to his _gavel_? Snorting quietly, David turned and continued down the hall. He shook his head at his best friend's antics. Wes had always been a little gavel-crazy, but _this_ was taking it a bit further than usual. Still, he just shrugged it off. He'd seen crazier things during the time he'd been at Dalton.

* * *

><p>A few days later, David flopped down onto his bed, opening the lid of his laptop. He opened the internet to his Facebook homepage and clicked over to his Most Recent. At the top of the page was a new picture posted by Wes. Normally that wouldn't bother him. Except that the picture was of Wes's gavel with the caption, "I have finally found my perfect match!"<p>

Slowly, David's jaw went slack, and his mouth dropped open. This particular turn of events unnerved him slightly. It was just a little _too_ weird, even for his less-than-sane best friend. Still, David told himself it was nothing, and shook the experience off, continuing to scroll down the page.

But the picture and its significance never really left his mind.

* * *

><p>On Tuesday afternoon, David approached his usual lunch table, sliding into a seat next to Cameron, who was deep in conversation with Andrew and Richard. David mostly tuned them out like he was used to doing until he caught the word <em>gavel<em>. That got his attention.

"Hey, did you guys say something about a gavel?" David asked, swiveling in his seat.

Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Cameron held up a crumpled piece of paper with an illustration of a gavel on it. "Nicked it from Wes's bag when he wasn't looking. He was working on it all through third period, and he wouldn't tell me what it was, so…" he shrugged, not looking remotely sorry for his kleptomaniac ways.

"Ooh, read the caption!" Andrew urged, guffawing heartily. "It's hilarious!"

Cameron handed David the paper, and the dark-skinned boy squinted at it for a moment, trying to make out the faint pencil below the drawing.

"I…love…my…_girl_?" David frowned. "Okay, since when is his gavel a _girl_? When is it a _person_ in the first place?"

Cameron shook his head. "I don't know, man. Wes is just a little off in the head, if you know what I mean."

The three of them cracked up again, but David felt mildly disturbed. He got up from the table, completely abandoning his lunch, and scanned the lunchroom. Striding quickly down the aisle, he grabbed Thad's arm and pulled him out into the hall, which was mercifully quiet.

"Thad. We need to talk."

"Aw, are you going to break up with me?" Thad smirked. "I am so disappointed."

"Shut up!" David snapped. "I'm being serious here!"

"Fine, fine, Mr. Bossy." Thad grumbled, crossing his arms. "What's so urgent?"

"Wes has a gavel addiction."

Thad raised an eyebrow. "Well no freaking _duh_, Captain Obvious! Did you only just realize this?"

"_No_," David rolled his eyes, wondering why he had turned to Thad in the first place. "I've just realized that it could be far worse than we feared!"

"How could it be _worse_ than we feared?"

"I think he's serious about it."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, Thad's expression entirely disbelieving.

"You're kidding. It's all a big joke, right?"

David shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid not."

"Well, you know what we have to do then." Thad said grimly, straightening up. "This calls for an emergency Warblers meeting. But how are we going to get rid of Wes?"

* * *

><p>"This emergency Warblers meeting has been called to order." David said commandingly. Somehow, the action didn't feel right without Wes's incessant gavel-banging, but he pushed his discomfort away. "We have called this meeting because – Yes, Warbler Kurt?"<p>

Kurt stood up, frowning. "Where's Wes? Shouldn't he be here ordering us around and threatening to hit us with his gavel?"

"No, Warbler Kurt, but thank you for bringing the current issue into light." David paused. "Warblers, as you may have noticed, Head Warbler Wes has a slight – er, problem."

"You mean his freakish obsession to that gavel of his?" Nick asked from his seat beside Jeff.

"Well…yes." David shifted uncomfortably. "And as much as I detest the idea, we need to hold a Warblervention to help him overcome this – er, problem."

"But David…Wes and his gavel are weirdly inseparable. He sleeps with it under his pillow. He probably has several different copies of it." Jeff spoke up nervously, twisting his fingers together. "I mean, getting them apart would be like impossible."

David stopped to consider this. Coming from Wes's roommate, this did _not_ look like a promising thing. Still, he took a deep breath and carried on. "Okay, maybe you have a point there. But we have to try _something_, agreed?"

A few murmurs of agreement rippled through the room.

"I thought we could start by the simple act of taking away said gavel and seeing what his reaction is." David said, reaching for a list of methods he'd made. "Any volunteers?"

As he'd expected, no one spoke up. Smirking, he turned to Jeff, who immediately paled. "No! No way! I am _not_ stealing his gavel! When it goes missing the first person he's going to suspect is me, and I refuse to be the culprit here! It was _your_ idea, David. Why don't _you_ do it?"

"Actually," David said, turning to grin evilly at Thad, "Warbler Thad here thought of it. So, Warbler Thad, it looks like it's up to you."

Thad looked like he wanted to bang his head against the wall. "Aw, crap."

* * *

><p>It was about three in the morning on Saturday and David was fast asleep. It had been a long week, and he was having a peaceful, dreamless sleep for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, said peaceful, dreamless sleep was interrupted by a loud rapping noise at the door. David's eyes fluttered open, and he clenched his teeth, holding back an irritated groan. He was partially thankful that Kurt had gone home for the weekend, and wasn't here to murder whoever was at the door. On the other hand, he cursed the fact that Kurt wasn't here to <em>murder<em> the person at the door.

Grumbling inaudibly, David threw back the sheets and made his way to the door, opening it. "What do you _want_?"

He was instantly sorry for snapping. It was Wes, and he was an absolute mess. Purple bags rested under his eyes, and tear tracks were crisscrossed across his cheeks. He looked positively _devastated_, as if a close family member had passed away.

"I'm sorry for waking you," Wes said, whimpering. "But…I can't sleep. I'm just so _sad_, David."

"Why are you sad, Wes?" David asked, stepping back to let Wes in.

"My gavel's missing." Wes sniffed quietly, daubing at his eyes. "I must've misplaced it, and – and I don't where it is. I know it's stupid, but…"

Wes trailed off brokenly, tears welling up in his eyes again. He put his head on David's shoulder and sobbed heart-wrenchingly, clutching at his friend's shirt. David sighed noiselessly. Obviously, this approach hadn't worked. Back to the drawing board.

* * *

><p>"David."<p>

David looked up to see Blaine and Kurt standing in front of him, grim expressions on their faces.

"What is it, guys?"

"It's Wes." Blaine said, taking the empty seat on David's right. "What do you propose we do about that wretched gavel?"

"What _can_ we do about it?" David countered. "If he doesn't have it, he's depressed. If he has it, he treats it like a person and sings _love songs_ to it. He'd probably _marry_ it if that was legal! What is there left to do?"

"Have you tried a more diplomatic approach, rather than just taking it when he's not looking?" Kurt asked.

David sighed. "No."

"Then do that. Talk to him. Or, if you don't want to talk to him, have someone else talk to him. I'm sure someone will. And before you ask, no, I will not do it." Kurt added, seeing the look on David's face, "Absolutely not. It's not my battle."

"Alright." David said resignedly. "I'll find someone."

* * *

><p>David craned his neck to see inside of the small crack in the door, squinting to get a better view. He could barely hear what was going on, but if it wasn't working, then he would have to –<p>

"_David!_"

Someone grabbed his arm and yanked him backwards.

"Ow, ow, ow!" David wrenched his arm free and furiously turned on his attacker, which turned out to be Kurt. "_What was that for_?"

"What in the name of _Grilled Cheesus_ made you think that telling _Cameron_ to talk to Wes about his problem was a _good idea_?"

"He was the only one that offered!" David said indignantly. "What was I supposed to do?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and gave David his signature _bitch, please_ glare. "He only offered because he is a _tool_ and wants to make Wes look bad. You should know that by now!"

"Maybe he'll actually try and help."

"Yeah, and maybe Blaine will strip naked and streak across the Dalton campus!"

David hated it when Kurt made good points. "Just – just listen, okay?"

He grabbed the younger boy and pulled him towards the door, shushing him and listening hard.

" – and I've been sent to tell you that we all think your gavel addiction is freakish, insane, and is getting in the way of our general success as a group."

Kurt sent a glare in David's direction, which he tactfully ignored.

"So…you're saying that you want me to get rid of my gavel, which I love with all of my heart and would never give up for _anything_?"

"To be very honest, yes. It's not natural, Wes. The freaking thing doesn't even have _feelings_."

There was a pause, and then Wes burst into very noisy tears. "You're so cruel to her!" he sobbed. "I'll get for back for insulting my girl!"

There was a rustle, and Kurt managed to shove David out of the way before the door burst open. Wes ran out, still crying hysterically, disappearing down the hall in seconds. Kurt crossed his arms and turned to David with his signature look back in place.

"Okay," David conceded, "Maybe asking Cameron wasn't such a great idea after all. We'll just have to try something else."

* * *

><p>"This Warblers meeting has been called to order." Wes banged his gavel a little harder than usual, a glare firmly in place. His eyes were tinged a little red, as if he'd spent all night crying, and the knuckles gripping his gavel were steadily turning white.<p>

David directed his gaze at Cameron, who had the good sense to look at least minorly ashamed of himself.

"Something recently has been brought to my attention," Wes continued, still holding tight to his gavel, "Something involving my gavel."

There were a few disturbances as people shuffled uncomfortably, muttering to the person next to them or mumbling excuses.

"I have been told," Wes said, talking over the hubbub, "that you wish for me to get rid of said gavel because you think it's 'weird' and 'not natural' or whatever."

Cameron winced visibly, apparently regretting subjecting himself to Wes's impeding wrath.

"Well, I have one thing to say to all of you." Wes stood, his gavel still in hand. He faced the room, lifted his chin, and said, "You have _all_…just been…so totally…"

He paused (apparently for dramatic effect), and the room held its breath.

"PWNED!"

Wes busted up laughing. Every face in the room was either shocked, confused, or a mixture.

"I can't – believe – that you are all – so _stupid_ – !" Wes was barely able to get out the words through his laughter. "You actually thought – that I was in love – with my _gavel_? You – _morons_! I got you guys _good_!"

Still sniggering heartily, Wes walked over to the door and went out into the hall, shaking his head. Stunned silence washed across the room, before everyone broke out into bemused chatter.

"Did he just…?"

"Wes seriously…?

"…gavel thing was all a joke?"

David shook his head bewilderedly. He decided to accept the fact that Wes had definitely gone off the deep end…and he was okay with that.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Well, there you are! The next chapter is currently in the works. Just a hint…it's NickJeff. And they're gonna get WANKY WANKY! ;)**_

_**Reviews are like Klisses. If you don't see one at least once every twenty-four hours, you become sad and depressed…**_

_**=) See you next time!**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	23. Mine

_**Hello once more again audience! ;) Serious props to you if you know where that came from!**_

_**So originally this chapter was going to be Every Rose has Its Thorn, which was requested by **_**MissMarauder93_. But Sarah and I agreed that it was better as a oneshot, which can now be found on my profile. Go check that out for some Nick/Jeff wankyness/romance. I promise you'll like it. =)_**

**_But then I had a slight dilemma, because I had already promised you guys some wanky Nick/Jeff. And then this chapter came up! It was requested by _Pleasedontdespair_, who wanted the song Mine. And a few of you, like _JustEnjoyTheShow13_ and _AshKITTYKAT77_ wanted more Nick/Jeff. I hope you find this chapter satisfying. =)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Or Nick. Or Jeff. *sob*_**

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><p>Something had changed recently. And Nick couldn't honestly say that he disliked it. He thought it was kind of hot, actually. It just unnerved him sometimes when it popped out of nowhere. The first time it had happened…Well, Wes had held a party at his house, and…<p>

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><p>"Cameron's such a tool when he's drunk." Jeff said, chuckling.<p>

"Cameron's a tool when he's _sober_." Nick was feeling uncharacteristically giggly, but that could be due in some part to his blood alcohol level. Both he and Jeff weren't quite drunk, but they were intoxicated enough to let go of their inhibitions.

For a few moments, they happily watched Cameron (who was stoned off his face) and Santana (also stoned) scream various profanities at innocent party guests. Then Santana became distracted by Thad walking by, and while she was checking him out, Cameron wandered away to get more booze.

Nick snorted. Nothing made sense when everyone was drunk, and he wasn't about to waste brain power trying to figure it out.

He turned his head to say something to Jeff, but a soft pair of lips met his before he could say anything, and he happily leaned into the kiss for a moment, letting himself just _melt_. Gently, he pulled back, grinning. "What was that for?"

Jeff shrugged. "Just you. You're really hot. Have I ever told you that?"

"Maybe once or twice." Nick smirked. "It's okay, babe. You're hot too. Super hot."

"Mmm, really?" And Jeff's eyes were doing this really unfair smoldering thing, and Nick unconsciously wetted his lips, completely losing his train of thought.

And then their lips were connected again in a searing kiss, and Nick's mind was wiped clean. His eyes closed of their own accord, and spots of light danced under his eyelids.

But that's when Jeff broke away, just slightly, and whispered a word.

"Mine."

What the – ?

Nick blinked his eyes open again, but before he could protest or question his insanely hot boyfriend, their mouths met again, and he forgot all about the incident.

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><p>A little while and a lot of vodka later, Nick found himself completely wasted, locked in a closet with Jeff, and unsure of exactly how he'd gotten there. Drunken laughter rang outside of the door, people yelling and cat-calling and generally making fools of themselves. Nick was desperately trying to unlock the handle, wiggling it vigorously.<p>

But then a pair of arms snaked around his waist from behind.

"You know, it's really nice in here. Cozy." Jeff's breath was on the back of his neck.

And when Nick turned around to make a playful comeback, he was pushed against the door, and Jeff had once again captured his lips in a fiery kiss. The taller boy ran his tongue along Nick's bottom lip, and he gasped, inadvertently giving him access. Their lips were crushed together so hard, Nick could practically feel his mouth bruising. It was an amazing feeling.

Jeff slid his mouth down Nick's jaw and onto his neck, feather-light touches that left Nick wanting more. And then teeth scraped along a particularly sensitive spot near his collarbone, and he hissed in pleasure, grabbing the belt loops of his boyfriend's skinnies, yanking him closer. They groaned in harmony, and the sound sent shudders throughout Nick's body, making his blood pulse erratically. Jeff's teeth and tongue were suddenly back on his neck, and he was sucking on the spot so much that it started to throb. And it was a deliciously sinful feeling that left Nick a shaky, whimpering mess.

And then Jeff's cool fingers were sliding under Nick's shirt and pressing on the skin just above his hip. Nick whined, biting down on his bruised bottom lip, throwing his head back, his eyes shut tight. Jeff's warm breath ghosted over his ear, and he nipped lightly at the sensitive lobe, sending a fresh wave of chills up Nick's spine.

"Mine." Jeff whispered against, his voice breathless and lust-filled.

And in the heat of the moment, Nick thought it was insanely hot.

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><p>The next time it happened, it was about a week later, and Nick and Jeff had somehow suffered through another dull Warblers meeting and were taking full advantage of the abandoned room.<p>

Nick was amused by all of the ways he could get Jeff to respond to him. Nick had thus far been generally playing the 'girl' in the relationship, and it was nice to feel completely in control for once.

Just as this thought crossed his mind, one of Jeff's arms wrapped around his waist and insistently pulled him closer, the other cupping his cheek. Nick shivered as they kissed, working to hold in his gasps. Okay, so maybe he wasn't _completely_ in control. But hey, with a sexy boy on top of him, it was hard to be in control of _anything_.

And then Nick lost all ability to form competent, complete thoughts. Jeff's tongue was pressing against his, and his hips were –

Blood roared in his ears, adrenaline shot through his veins, and Nick moaned loudly, entirely uninhibited. Nothing was real, nothing existed, nothing was important except for _Jeff_, and his lips and tongue and hands and teeth and _hips_. Jeff's mouth was pressed against his again, and even though Nick was having trouble hearing anything at the moment, he heard the murmured word.

"Mine."

Nick pulled back and Jeff frowned, his eyes fluttering open.

"What is it?" Jeff asked. His hair was mussed in a big way, and his lips were delectably chapped. They looked _very_ kissable, but Nick restrained himself.

"No." he said simply, a small smirk falling into place.

"What?" Jeff looked confused. It was adorable.

Quick as a flash, Nick had flipped them and was triumphantly looking down on his boyfriend. He pinned the blonde boy down, his smirk now firmly in place. "No." He repeated, leaning down, hovering his lips teasingly close. "_Mine_."

And Jeff just smiled.

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><p><em><strong>I solemnly swear...that these two are up to no good. ;) No, but seriously, I swear to never write anything any closer to smut than this. Plus, well...I don't think I could write gay smut. Making out is different. I just...don't think I could. And I don't really feel like testing that theory either. So...NO SMUT FOR YOU! ;)<strong>_

_**And now, dear readers, I turn to you for help.**_

_**I am completely out of ideas. So it's YOUR job to pick a song, a plot, and/or a pairing that you want to see happen and tell it to me in a review! If you like this story and want to see more of it, then give me some inspiration! I need you guys to help me out here! Otherwise I might stop posting for...well, a long time. Because right now, I got nothing. Help! Help! HEEEEEEEELP! =(**_

_**Reviews are helpful and nice =) Just like...uh...carrier pigeons! =D Or carrier swallows! But is it an African or a European swallow? Hmm...**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


	24. Crack 2

_**Hello once more again audience!**_

_**Okay, so this is indeed another crackfic. I know, I'm terrible. You guys seem to enjoy crack, though, so hopefully you aren't too disappointed! **_

_**In last chapter's AN I made a Monty Python reference, which a lot of people caught! I'm glad to know that I have fellow Monty Python nerds on my side! That movie is freakin' hilarious, so if you haven't seen it, YOU NEED TO SEE IT! Same goes for the movie Spaceballs! Be warned, though - It's directed by, produced by, written by, and starring Mel Brooks, which means that it's totally insane.**_

_**Anyway, the inspiration for this chapter (if crack can have inspiration...) came from **_**GleekFab****4lover_, who said a Monty Python-inspired chapter would be fun. =D My inner geek saw that and went, "HELLZ YEAH!" So, thank you for giving me the opportunity to write complete CRACK!_**

**_Basically all of the lines in this are from three movies: Spaceballs, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and White Chicks. See if you can pick out all the quotes, and tell me how many you find for each movie! You are BOSS like a Zefron poster if you can get all of them!_**

**_If you're going to be a spoilsport and be all like, "Um, this isn't based off of a song!" then I will call you out and be all like, "Bitch, this is MY story!"_**

**_Okay, I wouldn't really do that. But if you really NEED to have a song to satiate your nitpickiness, then I will say that the song is a combination of the Star Wars theme and Knights of the Round Table. So NYAAAH!_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Or Monty Python. Or Spaceballs. Or White Chicks. I also do not own a Ferrari._**

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><p>"You don't scare me, you silly pig dog!" Wes said indignantly, in a truly horrifying French accent to David. "I blow my nose at you, so-called 'King Arthur.' You and all of your silly English kuh-niggets!"<p>

David's mouth dropped open, and he stared at Wes like he was completely insane. "Wait a second! Are you suggesting that coconuts _migrate_?"

"Of course not." Thad broke into their conversation, his expression scathing. "He's suggesting that they're carried by swallows."

"Thad, be serious." David rolled his eyes. "It's all a matter of weight. A five ounce swallow simply cannot carry a one pound coconut!"

"Listen," Wes chimed in again, "in order to maintain air speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?"

"Wes, that's hardly the point – "

"Am I right, or am I right?" Wes asked smugly, looking to Thad for support.

"You're right." Thad said earnestly.

Sighing, Ethan rubbed his already throbbing temple. Something was horribly wrong with the Warblers. Usually he was up for being all crazy and insane, but there was something just _off_ about today. He'd gotten to the Warblers meeting five minutes late, and had been ready to plead for forgiveness. Instead of an angry, gavel-obsessed Head Warbler, he'd found everyone on their feet, either arguing pointlessly or seriously discussing random things that made _no sense_.

For instance, the first thing he'd heard when he walked in the room was Kurt ordering Blaine around.

"Take good care of Pavarotti, and teach him how to say, 'Yo quiero Taco Bell.' Okay?"

"Dude, you can't just tell him what to do like that!" Cameron objected, apparently eavesdropping on the conversation.

Kurt turned his best _bitch, please_ face on Cam. "What is this? Are you _questioning_ me? I am so…frickin'…_pissed_. I'm gonna have a BF!"

"Oh my god, he's gonna have a BF!" Blaine looked genuinely terrified at the thought.

"Wait…" Cameron's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What's a BF?"

"It's a _bitch fit_!" Blaine squeaked out.

"N-n-no!" Cameron turned white. "P-please don't have a bitch fit!"

"I wanna speak to your supervisor!" Kurt said furiously. "You know what? I'm gonna write a _letter_! YOU are in BIG TROUBLE!"

"No, don't write a letter!" At this point, Cameron was practically _cowering_.

Ethan shook his head as Kurt found some paper and a pen and started writing the aforementioned letter, furiously shouting out what exactly he was writing. He turned around, only to catch what Andrew, Richard, Nick, and Jeff were talking about.

"Careful, you idiot!" Nick hissed to Richard. "I said _across_, not _up_!"

"I'm sorry." Richard said, pouting. "I'm doing my best."

Nick said exasperatedly. "Who put you in charge, anyway?"

"I did!" Andrew piped up. "He's my cousin."

Nick stared at Andrew as if he'd never seen him before. "Who is that guy?" he whispered dramatically to Jeff.

"He's an Asshole." Jeff said with a straight face.

"I know that!" Nick said impatiently. "What's his name?"

"That _is_ his name. Andrew Asshole."

Nick paused. "…and his cousin?"

"He's an Asshole too."

"How many Assholes do we _got_ in this club?" Nick cried irritatedly.

"YO!" Trent, John, Terry, James, Scott, Flint, Logan, Nelson, and Caleb all shouted in unison, standing up and raising their hands.

Flabbergasted, Nick stared at all of them, his expression completely, pricelessly hilarious. "I knew it! I'm surrounded by Assholes…"

Incredulous and utterly confused, Ethan put as much distance as possible between himself and Nick. Something was just _wrong_ with all of the Warblers today, and he wasn't quite sure what, but if he found out –

"Can you tell me what floats in water?" Trent was asking Nelson, his head tipped to one side.

"Umm…small rocks! Wood! Bread, apples, cider, gravy, cherries, mud, churches…Ooh, lead! Lead!"

"A duck." Cameron suggested, apparently having escaped Kurt's letter-writing wrath.

"_Exactly_!" Trent said. "A duck.

"Wait!" Nelson frowned. "So, logically…if he weighs the same as a duck…then he's made of wood. And therefore…a witch?"

"Precisely!"

What in the world – ? Ethan spun on his heel, blinking rapidly, his mouth open to ask what the hell was up, but the three had already wandered away. His head was officially spinning, and he only caught bits and pieces of conversations for a few minutes.

"Have you seen my matched luggage? I can't live without it!"

"It's just a flesh wound! I'M INVINCIBLE!"

"You're a loony!"

"We are the knights who say…NI!"

"I want you to cut down the tallest tree in the forest with…A HERRING! And bring me a shrubbery! A nice one. And not too expensive!"

"Come on, you _pansy_!"

"Somebody throw Shamu back into the ocean!"

"You idiot! You captured their _stunt doubles_!"

Ethan covered his eyes, an angry pulsing starting behind them. What the _hell_ had gotten into everybody?

Without warning, Wes jumped onto the coffee table. "Everybody listen up!"

And just like that, the entire room fell silent. Ethan sighed in relief. Maybe Wes had finally gotten a better grip on his sanity. Now he needed to find some ibuprofen or something and take care of his throbbing headache.

But his hopes were dashed as Wes cried, "Triple T. K. A!"

And the entire room shouted in response, "TIME TO TOTALLY KICK ASS!" before cheering deafeningly, stamping and clapping.

"Hey Ethan, do you like yogurt?" Andrew asked, his eyes bright and curious.

Ethan repressed a groan, telling himself that it was probably better to just placate his fellow Warbler. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

"I don't." Andrew's face was dead serious. "Yogurt…I hate yogurt! Even with strawberries…"

"That – that's nice." Ethan said through gritted teeth. Thankfully, the other boy was distracted by something and wandered away.

"Look, King Kong," Jeff was saying angrily to Nick, "Why don't you take your 1980's pick-up lines, climb all the way up to the top of the Empire State Building, beat on your big old monkey chest, and then jump off?"

"Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me!" Nick replied sassily, doing a Justin-Bieber-like hair flip.

"Nevermind, let's not go to Camelot." Wes said to David, shaking his head. "Tis a silly place."

"Don't you understand? We, " David gestured to himself and Thad, "are no longer the knights who say NI! We are now the knights who say Ikki Ikki Ikki PTANG zoom-boing z'nourrwringmm…"

Right behind Ethan, Kurt was saying, "…and lambs, and sloths, and carps, and anchovies, and breakfast cereals, and orangutans, and fruit bats, and large chu – "

"No, skip that bit." Blaine said, shaking his head.

"Oh, okay…" Kurt turned a page in the book he was reading from, delicately cleared his throat, and continued. "Thou shall count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number that thou shall count, and the number that thou shall count is three. The number of counting shall be three. Four shall thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceeds to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, has been reached, then thou shall lob thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

"Amen." Blaine said, nodding vigorously.

"So, what you're saying is not to let Richard leave this room even if you come and get him, right?" Cameron asked Andrew.

"No, no." Andrew said, frowning, "_Until_ I come get him."

"So…until you come get him, I'm not to enter the room."

"No, no, no. You _stay_ in the room, and make sure _he_ doesn't leave."

"And you'll come and get him?"

"Right." Andrew said, looking relieved.

"So I don't need to do anything, aside from stopping him from entering the room." Cameron said eagerly.

"Look, it's quite simple." Andrew said, running a hand through his hair. "You stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave the room. Alright?"

"Uh, can he leave the room with me?" Cameron was obviously confused once again.

"No, no, no, no! Just keep him here and make sure he doesn't leave! Is that clear?"

"Oh, right. Yes, very clear."

"Good."

Andrew turned around and started to walk away. Cameron immediately followed. Andrew stopped, turned back around, and said, frowning, "Where are you going?"

"I'm coming with you." Cameron appeared baffled by the question.

Andrew threw his hands in the air. "I GIVE UP!"

"God willing, we'll meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money." Nick was patting Jeff consolingly on the back.

"What the hell am I looking at?" Trent was staring at the iPad in his hands, while Flint tried to explain it to him.

"You're looking at now. Everything happening now is happening _now_."

"Well…what happened to then?" Trent asked, alarmed.

"We passed it." Flint shrugged.

"When?"

"Just now. We're at now, now."

"Go back to then!"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"We missed it."

"When?"

"Just now."

Trent's mouth dropped open as he tried to process the situation. "…when will then be now?"

"Soon." Flint promised.

It was at that moment that a pair of arms grabbed Ethan's arms and roughly shook him. He cried out and flailed, half-heartedly trying to beat back the person. "I'm not dead! It's just a flesh wound! Leave me alone!"

"Dude, chill out." David's voice came from above him.

Ethan blinked his eyes open and realized that he'd been snoozing on the couch in the choir room. He felt a rush of relief course through him, and he let out a loud sigh, his heart pounding a mile a minute.

"You talk in your sleep." David said with a smirk. "And you were saying a bunch of weird, random crap."

"I was having…a really strange dream." Ethan said, pushing his hair away from his face. "Anyway, what can I help you with?"

"You know when you stole my iPod and locked it with a passcode?"

"Um…yeah."

"Well, I can't figure it out. I need you to tell me the combination."

Ethan snorted. "It's '1-2-3-4-5.'"

"Really?" David stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack."

"That's the stupidest combination in the world!" David said exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. "That's the kind of thing an _idiot_ would have on his luggage!"

Before Ethan could reply, Wes came hurrying into the room. "Hey David, did he tell you the combination yet?"

"Yeah, he did. It's '1-2-3-4-5.'"

Wes blinked, looking surprised. "Really? That's amazing! That's the same combination I have on my luggage!"

Ethan and David exchanged awkward looks before Wes came out of his revere, "Anyway, you need to go apologize to Kurt for getting dust on his messenger bag, so…"

"I still don't get why I have to apologize for that." David said sulkily. "It was an accident."

"In the words of Kurt, 'It's not just a bag. It's _Prada_.'" Wes smirked.

"Yeah, whatever. See you later, Ethan!"

Ethan sighed and leant his head back upon the couch cushions, staring at the ceiling, his eyelids still sticky with sleep. He needed _therapy_ for that dream. He needed professional help. Dr. Phil. _Somebody_.

"Never, ever, _ever_ taking a nap _ever_ again." He muttered.

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><p><em><strong>I figured that even the minor Warblers needed their small spotlight! This was originally going to be Kurt POV, but I changed it so I could have Diva!Kurt ordering Blaine around in the beginning. ;)<strong>_

_**I am aware that iPod passcodes are only four characters long. If you've seen Spaceballs, then you'll understand the reference. ;) I just ADORE all of those movies, especially White Chicks. You MUST watch it. If you can only watch one movie out of the three, watch White Chicks. Do it! Dooooo iiiiiiit! =D**_

_**I HAVE A TWITTER! Follow me! My username is SquirrelzAttack (which you probably could've guessed...)**_

_**^ I'll be posting links to new chapters, and me and Sarah will more than likely be talking about our stories and when we beta each other's work and stuff you might be interested in!**_

_**Reviews are like...migrating coconuts! =D**_

_**~SquirrelzAttack**_


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